toddler having a tantrum

Tantrums and discipline

Dealing with toddler tantrums

What To Know About Tantrums

Know anyone who can go from zero to cranky in nothing flat? If you have a toddler, you know exactly how the terrible twos got their name? tantrums! Tantrums are all the result of the toddler’s limited ability to cope with frustration. The good news is, there are steps you can take to prevent some of these meltdowns and ways to deal more effectively when they do happen.

1. What Causes Tantrums?

Tantrums don’t happen because toddlers are wilful and disobedient, or because you have raised a dreadful child! They simply occur because toddlers haven’t learned to accept frustration. When they want to do something but can’t, they are overwhelmed by a sense of helplessness and dissatisfaction. The tantrum is simply a release of those feelings. It might help to know that tantrums are common among toddlers. It’s estimated that the majority of 2-year-olds have a tantrum at least once a week, which may last from 15 to 30 minutes.

2. Preventing Tantrums

There are certain steps you can take to help reduce tantrums. Here are some techniques that might help ward off your child’s next tantrum:

  • Limit your toddler’s access to toys and activities that are fascinating but too difficult for his age.
  • Watch for fatigue and make sure your child has adequate rest.
  • Look out for signs of over stimulation and when they occur switch the child to a calmer activity.
  • Try to keep “no’s” and “don’ts” to a minimum. Instead of “no’s” offer distractions and alternatives: Show how to smell the flowers instead of picking them, for example.

3. Getting Through a Tantrum

Tantrums will end sooner if you simply let them run their course. While it’s going on, your toddler needs a sense of your calm control to feel safe. So, try to remember that the tantrum serves a purpose. It’s a release of rage caused by feelings of frustration, not hostility.

Sometimes a toddler needs to be left alone in a time out?but never out of sight? and just for a short while. At other times it helps to simply hold the upset child in a gentle and loving embrace. If a tantrum happens in public, it’s a good idea to take your toddler to some quiet, relatively private spot until tempers cool.

4. Keep Your Cool, Mum

One of the most difficult challenges is to keep calm in the face of a small child’s uncontrolled fury. Yet an angry reaction from you is sure to make your child’s tantrum even worse.

As your toddler comes out of the tantrum, offer reassurance and praise for regaining control. Try to forget the upset and look for cheering things to say. The more stable and positive you can be during and after tantrums, the easier it will be for your child to control outbursts of temper as life goes on.

Toddler tantrums

Managing tantrums

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Managing behaviour positively

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For more information see Toddler Development.

Toddler tantrums expert answers


Answer: Hi Rachae, It`s hard to say why the sudden change but it seems he is looking for your presence. I would try our It`s Time To Sleep settling techni...


Answer: Hi, Usually about this age a toddler will drop to one daytime nap but you need to be guided by tired signs it`s the best way. Cheers, Maree


Answer: Hi Loren, That`s great he`s sleeping so well overnight but yes he does need to sleep during the day too.However some babies are just poor daytime...

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