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  5. how do i make sure he never comes back in our lives?

how do i make sure he never comes back in our lives? Rss

Hi there,
I have a gorgeous 2 and a half year old boy whos 'biological' dad (i hate saying real dad) never has had anything to do with him.
When Jack was born he saw him a few times, then pretty much gave up.
I am with a beautiful man, who i met when jack was 6 months, and we started calling him dad about 4 months ago.
My child has had my last name, but we have just decided to change his last name to my partners.
Im not sure how to do this legally, but for now (as we dont have to proove anything by birth certificate) we will just uses my partners on forms and at daycare. To us he is Jacks real dad.
i hope we never have to tell him! I know eveyone says to tell them when they are 11 or 12, and then some people say to wait, i guess you will just no when or if to tell them?
Anyways, sorry im rambaling!!, but i want to know how we can keep his bio father out of the picture for good. i am worried that everything will go well for a few years, and then he will turn up and want something to do with him. and that would break my partners heart. He loves jack as his own son.
There is no father listed on the birth certificate as he wouldnt sign it with JAck having my last name.
anyone know what to do?? or about adoption in QLD?
Thanks so much

Busymum, QLD, Cheeky nearly 3 yr old boy.

Hi, I think you can do things alot easier than most if he isn't on the birth certificate. My daughter has her biological father on her birth certificate so I can't change her name without his ok!! She is 3 & has only known my hubby as her dad & knows herself as his surname. It sucks because although he hasn't had anything to do with her he holds all the power. He recently after 2 years without ANY contact made threats about taking her & after a visit to a soliciter we found out I can't stop him from seeing her. It makes me cranky & I will stop myself from a rambling post. He hasn't contacted us since but I constantly live with the sick feeling of him showing up as my daughter has no idea who he is. I'd love to keep an eye out for your advice as I might borrow it if it is relevent. Good luck.

Zali, Adam & Jack!! Watch this space for news on

i think you can change the name by deed poll its about $80 i know tat becasuse a freiend changed her daughters name from melissa to elissa but not sure how to go about it maybe bdm can assist

mum of 3 boys aged 11, 13 and 14

Hi Tiarnie-
I haven't read all the posts, so don't know if I'm repeating myself, but... you can change your child's name. Just download the form from QLD's department of births, deaths and marriages, fill it in, (omitting the father part), and send it in along with your id, (which has to be signed by a JP), and your payment. You don't have to enclose a copy of her birth certificate, as they already have it. I know this because I did it, in QLD, a few months ago. Good luck with everything.
By the way, your new partner may wish to consider adopting your child, although this is very expensive. It also doesn't stop him from getting access in the future, as the courts are not interested in parent's rights, only the child's right to see the parent.
Your best bet is to change your name, and to try to make yourself and your child hard to find. He can't take you to court if he can't find you. Also remember that for him to take you to court is difficult, expensive, and time consuming- he may not go to the effort!
I hope you and your partner and child have a happy life together!

Ellie, NSW, DD 3 yrs & TTC # 2

when i was 4 my mum changed my name by depoll before i went to school so i took my step dads name which was good because i had a younger sis and she dident want me to have a different name now im married i have a different name my birth cert has my original sirname
Hi Tiarnie,

I really feel for you. I would be awful to have that hanging over you. I know that there would be some expense in this, but I think that if I was in your position, I would want to know my legal position. I would see a solicitor that specialises in family law to see what my options are. I would also be really keen to get my partner to adopt ds to make it as official as pos. Its really useful to get other people's experiences, but getting a legal oppinion will assist you in knowing how far you can go to protect your family.
I hope that helps. I wish you luck

Hi, i fell pregnant when i was 20 and against the wishes of the biological father i kept my baby. She is now a beautiful, smart and talented 15 year old. I was determined that he would have nothing to do in our lives and this has remained so.i married my husband when she was 12. At the time we discussed her changing her name etc. I found out that there were a few options; applying for a new birth certificate (she would have two), changing it without informing anyone or the only option that was legally binding was that the bio father would have to be notified and a court date set and he would have to surrender his parenting rights to enable a full and totally legal adoption and namechange. My daughter has always had my surname and bio father not on birth cert. She decided to keep her name the same (its her name after all). Her stepfather adores her and considers her his child but respects her decision. They ask questions, you just need to be confident in the fact that all your decisions are made for the benefit of your child.Be proud of your choices in life. also, it might pay to speak to someone in the family courts in QLD and also think about when you are doing a will. Your child will need to be specifically mentioned or maybe left out. Good luck with it all, i know sometimes it can be hard to move forward when you have unresolved issues in the past.
Hi, i was in the same situation when i had my daughter (who is now 7yrs) her biological father only saw her 3 times up till she was 11 months and then moved away and we haven't seen him since, she doesn't know him but knows of him. i have since remarried and have a another child with my husband who treats her as his own. We changed my daughters surname to my husbands when we married and since her bio fathers was not on birth certificate is was fairly simple. I was told that he still has rights and that he may enter her life when ever he wants but i still don't see that happening anytime soon. Because she doesn't know him and considers my husband her daddy we don't have any problems yet. Hope this helps.

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