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Dad's and dealing with depressed mums Lock Rss

Hi I am a 26 yr old mum to a nearly three yr old, my partner of five years is good round the house and with Maddi but when it comes to dealing with me and my depression he fails misserably. He makes me feel worse by not understanding or trying to understand what I am going through, I feel like he is patranising me all the time and I can't get through to him that if he tried to understand what I was going through it would make both our lives alot easier. He seems to think that if he ignores it will go away but it makes me feel worse as I think he doesn't care.
I have suffered dep since my daughter was born, I was very sick during my preg and lost 8 kilos. She was also kept in Hospital for a month after being born. it was very hard as I had a ceserian and didn't help the situation. I held it against her for quite a long time but now realise that she wasn't asking to be here and things are improving but I seem to take a step backwards after being home for an hour or so. I work fulltime so things are ver stressful during the week.
Hi, I totally sympathise with you as I had postnatal depression also after my son was born, it lasted about a year. My husband was not sympathetic either, he just didn't understand what it felt like to have postnatal depression and to cope with a very difficult child, which mine was. The best way I described it to him was "having a dark cloud over your head that follows you around everywhere, sometimes the sun appears from behind the dark clouds, but they are always there". I think that really made him understand what it felt like. It's really difficult describing depression to anyone - it's such an awful thing sometimes words cannot describe. Please hand in there. Are you on medication? I was on medication for a year and I know that I couldn't have gotten through it without it. Good luck with everything. If you feel like it let me know how you go.

Mum to Bub

Post deleted by administrator.
Your poor thing! It is really hard isnt it. My hubby was great when it comes to most things. When my first daughter was born 5 weeks early, i found it really hard to cope. I wouldnt tell m doctor about how i felt and put on a brave face for everyone. They all thought i was coping real well and all that-i wasnt. My hubby would come home from work and bath my daughter and cook tea and play with her, while i laid on the lounge. Some days i just couldnt face to play with her. I went back to work fulltime, which makes it hard. I feel really bad about this as i feel now that i have 'missed out' on her. She is 7 nowand we have a very special relationship. SHe has helped me to cope with the twins!
I now have 2 1/2 year old twins-they were 5 1/2 weeks early and i had a c section with them-which i really didnt want. I had to leave them in hospital 2 hours away for 3 weeks after i left. I think this breaks your heart-because its not suppose to happen like that-but to my suprise i did cope quiet well!! Its not until now that i realise that i was quiet depressed the first time around-and thats why i feel that i have missed out. I only work 2 days a week and i hate been away from them. I try hard to spend extra special time with my older daughter when i can-i love her more than anything.
I really do feel for you. I felt that i was a really bad mum because of the bad feelings i had and that i didnt have any 'drive' to play or be with her sometimes-now i hate been away from her!!!! I always tell her that she can stay home from school and be with me but she tells me that we have plenty of 'play' time after school!!!! I would love to have another bub but i dont want to have another early delivery. But i guess we never know what the future holds!!
I know you probably cant see it, but it will get better. ANd its really good that you have actually taken the steps to help yourself-i think i was in a little but of denial!
Have fun with your little one-they dont stay little for long at all!!! I get upset when i have to pack away my baby clothes. The night before i have my twins, i laid in hospital (after 2 weeks bed rest that didnt work) and thought that this would be the lat night i would ever be pregnant! Weird isnt it?
Good Luck!!! You will get there!!!!

Kylie, NSW, 7year od and 2 year old twins

Hi Lyn, I saw your 'post' and felt like giving you a some support. My wife suffers from a Bipolar Disorder that affected her badly during the first 3 months of pregnancy and just after our son was born. As her partner I wasn't too expect what would happen when she first got pregnant. She has been on Lithium for years now but coming off it when she fell pregnant sent her over the edge. She tried to take her life on one occasion resulting in her being committed to a Clinic. It was a very hard time and I had to depend on some very cood friends and believe me you know who they are when someone you love has a mental illness.

I read as much as I could about Bipolar and PND, I was very lucky that I had the support of a great GP and Community Health councillor.

As a man, my instinct was to control the situation, 'sort it out' I found out that I needed alot of help to get us both through this situation. Correct medication, time, patiance, love and understanding. There isn't much support I admit for partners of people with depression.

Surround yourself with good friends and make sure your husband has time out to chat to his mates. I fortunatly had 3 other full time dads to chat too and they were a great source of help plus their parnters.

I hope things work out for you, depression is a horrible cruel thing, but we have a wonderful son who brings us a ray of sunshine.
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