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single parenting with no dad in the picture Rss

hi. I'm a 20yo single mum with a 2 yo daughter. her father is not in the picture anymore but she knows who he is and keeps asking for him. All of the other children she plays with have their dads at home. Is it normal for her to be asking for him and what do i tell her when she does??? can anyone out there help me please
I am on the verge of becoming a single parent although my baby's dad will always be there for him but I am a bit worried of being on my own. I am also worried about the affect this wll have on my son. If your daughter knows who her dad is why is he no longer in the picture? I think i would try to contact her dad and ask him to make an effort to see her even if it's once a month as it is obviously affecting her in some way if she keeps asking for him.

Janelle Vic

If she's knows her father and has spent time with him before, then it is fair enough that she is asking about him.

In terms of what you tell her depends on the reason you don't see the father anymore, that is something you need to determine depending on the the situation.

My daughter doesn't have anything to do with her father, but he hasn't been around since basically after she was born so she doesn't know who he is anyway (she's only 16 months old so she isn't old enough to know anyways), but when she is old enough and starts asking questions, i know it will be hard to work out what to tell her, but i'm sure that i will think of something

Amy

Amy,SA,16mth girl

Hi I am a single Mum with a 2yr old son. His father was around for a while but isn't anymore. He will see a picture of 3 frogs ina book and say me, mummy and daddy. This is because he goes to daycare and he hears the other children talking about their dads. I thinkit is just mimicking. If there is a valid reason for her father not being there, don't feel guilty - she will understand when she is older and as long as she never hears you run her father down or fell that he's not there because he doesn't love her then I'm sure she'll be fine.
Hi Angeljazzy, Im 21 and a single mother of a 1yo. I obviously havent had to face the same situation as you yet (in respect to Khi asking questions) but i dread the day when I do. Just because I grew up without my father living in the same house and would ask my mother why we dont all live together. I remember the look on her face (that, 'ahhhhh, quick think of something to say' look) I remember her always tryna change the subject. Infact, I dont think I ever did get a straight answer? Anyway, what have you come up with? have you had any helpful advice that you could share? My email is karamel_01@hotmail.com if youd like to discuss this matter further.
I look forward to hearing from you or anyone else concerning this........

Danielle, NZ, 12mth baby

Hi I am a single parent also. My eldest child is 13, and I separated from her father before she was born. She has had an on / off relationship with him and went thru all the wheres my dad? stuff too. She chooses not to see him now days.
I also have 2 children to another partner, and unfortunately am not in contact with him anymore, for good reasons. My 3 yr old does ask "wheres my dad" and I tell her "in ............" the town he lives in. I say that it is a long way, so daddy cant come see her. She is usually happy with that. She has a photo of him and knows his name. The 2 yr old doesnt remember him, but mimics the 3 yr old. They do get a little funny when their friends are with their dads, but children adjust easier than we think. (i think so anyway). I dont often find it a problem. They accept that he is a long way away and cant see them.
Hi,

I'm a single mum as well with a 2yr old little girl.

She keeps in regular contact with her dad, and despite my differnces with him, I promote her right to know her dad.

The child has a right to know both parents, with a child so young, I would try contacting her dad and asking him to make an effort. At least that way he he say's NO, you know you did what you could to allow your girl the chance of knowing her dad, and you will have no guilty feelings afterwards.

As far as future questions, I myself do not know what I will tell my baby, but I will be honest with her, obviously taking into account her maturity, because you do not want to say too much, and then get them confused and upset.

I think time will helps mums in our situation with what we tell our children.

Good luck

Curly
I have photos of Brianna's father but none with her in them. She has contact with him but doesn't like it much at all. I remember when he wanted nothing to do with her. If her father doesn't want to have anything to do with her then let it be. The last thing you want is to make him feel forced to have contact with her. Im my experience this only makes him more bitter at you which he takes out on the child by not changing him/her and not feeding them enough. You have let him know that your child is here and that's all you can do. Just show pictures of thier father to the child and if it makes you feel better call him father. Anyone can be a father but it takes a special person to be a dad. I tell my daughter that it takes a mother and a father to make a baby and a mum and a dad to take care of a baby, some kids have their father and their dad as the same person and some don't. I plan to tell her when she asks that she is lucky to have a father AND a dad who love her but i need to find the dad first! In the meantime she has a special dad "grandad"

~ Family complete in 2012 ~

I find this hard to imagine that a 2 year old would ask for her dad. I am a single mum with a 2 year old and he never asks about his dad. However I must admit I have met someone else who is a father figure in my sons life, so maybe that's why. I think a 2 year old wouldn't know and understand what a mother and father is, they are just names to her which she has picked up from somewhere. Obviously she knows you are mum but do you really think she knows who dad is and what he means to her, probably not. You must remember you are dealing with a young mind who doesn't know the meaning of family and what role everyone plays in it. I wish you the very best of luck. I know it's hard being a single mum, I was married when my husband decided to leave me when I was 5 months pregnant and I thought my life was over but how wrong I was. Good luck!
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