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I cant cope Rss

I'm 20 and I have a 2 year old daughter. She is a beautiful, intelligent little girl and I love her so much, but about 8 months ago, she became very demanding, she started hitting and throwing things at me, she is always screaming and its a major battle getting her into bed every night. I really dont know what has made her like this.

Her father and I are still together, but he works long hours, so he's not around much. When I try to talk to him about the way I feel, he tells me to 'snap out of it and grow up'.

I try talking to my mum, but she always says that its just a stage she's going through, and she'll get over it.

I am constantly in tears because I have tried so hard to be a good mum, but I just cant do it. I feel like no one understands, or cares how I feel.

Has anyone else had problems like this with their child? If so, do you have any advice on what I should do? Thanks.

Mum to Madi & Jake

Hi,
Please don't doubt yourself about being a good mum, you have a beautiful daughter and that in itself is something to be proud of.
Unfortunately I haven't experienced the same problems, my daughter is only 10 months old, but my niece was shocking at that age.
They say they are the terrible two's and alot of kids start to act up at that age. This seems to be the time when they feel they are independent and become so naughty. She is trying to take over being 'boss' and you have to make her realise that she isn't.
If you feel that it goes beyond just being a terrible two maybe you need to take her to the doctors as she may suffer from a food alergy or something like ADD.
Unfortunately as the fathers work they don't seem to see the bad side of kids as much and can't understand how they could act that way. However that's not excuse for her dad, he should give you more support and understanding.
Best of luck.

Louise, Brisbane Qld. Mum to Ella and Luca

I (touch wood) have not had the problems you have but the mere fact that you are recognising there is a problem and seeking advice proves that you are a caring parent who loves her little girl. Your mum sounds like she helps but she isn't the one having 24/7 dealings with your daughter. Have you been in touch with your baby clinic or your local GP. Dont give up. Keep asking questions until someone listens to you. People DO care. See if your mum or a friend can look after her for a day or weekend and get yourself a much needed break. Go shopping, spend a day at the beach or just do something for YOU. You have spent the last 18months in a demanding place and you need some time and relaxation for yourself.
Good Luck People DO care. You ARE a terrific mum.

Fiona, NSW

Hi,
I agree with Loulou, and to try and take her to the doctors and see if it is a food alergy. I know of a 2 year old who was throwing tantrums and the parents found out he was lactose intolerant. He now is not allowed dairy foods but has stopped his tantrums. If this is not the case, then just keep perserving. You are a good mum and you have a toddler at a very trying age. Have you tried a routine at bed time EG. Bath story bed. Just a thought. Just keep telling her you love her and try to stay calm - this may be very hard but rest assured you will wake up one day and think back on those trying days and have a good laugh with her and her behavour. Good luck. P.S. My son is only 3 months old so none of this if from experience. I will be back with needing advice of my own once he turns 2 no doubt.

Deena NZ New mum

hi bubbles_mummy,

i know how you feel i have a 4 yr old boy,step child.. although i dont think of him that way.. he has started to act out really bad..we have never had problems with him before but all of a sudden his has started biting other children at day care and throwing little tantrums.. and last week he was being naughty and the teacher took him to sit down for a time out but he didn't want to do that so he kicked her.. (yeah not good)..

He is a very very smart boy and can get bored easily.. we are looking into changing he diet to see if that helps.. The daycare organised a meeting with me and my partner to talk to one of there social workers about ways the teachers can help look after him. but basically the hole time they turned it round on us to see what had changed in his life and why he might be like this.. when jayden was about 2 his natural mother passed away quite suddenly.. this may have something to do with it but we are not sure.. we have started asking jayden how he feels when he does this to try and find out why..

all we can do at the moment is let him know that we love hm very much. he ofter wakes up during the night and comes and checks on us to make sure we are still there and says that he was worried bout us.. so i think that stems from the accident..

best of luck with you and your daughter things will get easier.. if you need to talk i am more than happy too..

melissa

Mel, Briz, 3 children

Hi

I can understand where you are coming from. I have 4 children and my youngest daughter is a horror. And she is only 15 months old.
She is so very different to her siblings and just does not have the attention span that the others did at that age. She hits and throws things, even pushing dining chairs over! I think my husband is a little like your partner until he sees her in action and knows why I get so tired. Its a constant battle.

I was 17 when my first daughter was born, and it was hard. Motherhood is a 24 hour job.....but the best payment in the world is a hug, kiss, cuddle and hearing the words "I love you mummy".
Please don't doubt yourself. You are a wonderful mum. And I think you have touched the heart of a few of us here.
Please contact me to chat if you want to chat about anything smile
Take care

Full time mum to Sam, Levi, April and Livvy QLD

I was touched by what you wrote
I think you have to be a good mum because you care that much you have taken the time to write on this site. And that you are looking for a solution. A lot of mums I know wouldnt even question this behaviour and just scream at them all day calling them all sorts of names.
You hang in there.
There a lots of good people on here and Im sure youll get some great support
let us know how you get on
good luck
Karen

Karen,WA,Emily born 4th June

Hi,
I know how you are feeling I have a 2yr son and 6mth daughter. My son started to get really violent towards my partner and I when he was about 15mths, we tried time out you name it we tried it but he still threw and hit things. I blamed myself as i was heavily pregnent at the time i thought it was because i wasn't as active as i had been.
I spoke about this at a mothers group and others were going through the same thing and talking really helped me to stop blaming my self. I suggest talking to your GP or clinic nurse would be a good start, then organise some time for just you.
I think you sound like a caring mum and are doing a great job.
Oh yes my son is getting better there still are testing times as a 2yr old does but I can cope with these better now.
ll th best and Good luck
peta
Hi,
I was just thinking about you and wondering how you are getting on. Remember what a good mum you are!
Take Care

Fiona, NSW

hi guys..

Well since i last posted the message, things are looking up with my 4 yr old boy.. he has stopped biting, kicking and hitting.. not sure what happened but am thankful that he has grown out of it...

Am abit worried though cause we have just moved and changed day care for the kids and dont want him to fall back into his old bad habits.. so far so good though.. will let you know how it all goes..

Mel, Briz, 3 children

Hi Im Shaz . I would advise you to go to a playgroup and talk with other mums, we all stress over somthing sometime or another and you will see that we all react in diferent ways and when your child knows what button to press to get you to react they play on it . I think your husband and your mum both need to spend some time with her on their own and see if they can cope with the situation on there own , with out your help of corse,Its not an easy job if you stay at home 24/7 with know one to suport you on hard to handle situations , but remember your not the only one with this problem and one day you will look back and think she has grown up so fast , Please dont wory to much over this you will cope. MANY HAPPY YEARS AHEAD FROM SHAZ >

shaz,6 children

Hi
I would just like to congratulate you on being a top mum! Motherhood is the hardest job in the world, and it trys us all everyday. I have a 3year old and a 14 month old and while my younger one hasn't got to that stage yet, my 3 year old has her moments that seem to test my patience every day. It's so easy to get stressed and tired of dealing with what our wee ones throw at us that we can forget that it all probably comes down to frustration on their behalf and their age, they don't know any better and at times we have to think on their level, and try as hard as it may seem, to relate to them and try being in their shoes. Keep talking to family and if there is a free parentline that is national that you can call give it a go. They are there to help.
Make sure you have some time out for yourself, I know it's easier said than done, but talk to mum or your partner and see if you can arrange for them to look after her. Even if it's just a trip to the park. Or put your daughter into a daycare or something similar if she isn't already, she may need that stimulation. Good luck, remember you are not alone. When it gets too tough keep telling yourself she is a treasure and a beautiful girl and she loves you more than anything. I think we've all been in tears sometimes with our kids! maybe I should take my own advice!

Susan,NZ,3 yr old,1yr old littlies

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