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  5. returning to work does it make me a bad mum?

returning to work does it make me a bad mum? Rss

I am returning to the workforce and have had a mixed reaction from family and friends. My kids are 5,nearly 4 and 16 months.A number of family and friends say that i am going to cause a gap between my children and myself and cause them confusion.I have tried to explain that I am returning to work due to finacle hardships not to "get away from the kids" as many say I am doing. does any one have any advice on dealing with such people or has anyone ever been through the same thing. I could really use some advice i am starting to feel really guilty for going back to work.

Leah,QLD,5,nearly4 yr & a 17 mth old monster

Hi. Returning to work does not make you a bad mum. Especially as you are doing it for financial reasons which mean your children can only benefit from living a more comfortable and financially secure life. Although I am a SAHM i have quite often thought about going back to work and the only reason i haven't is because financially i don't really need to at this point in time.

I can only really say that your family and friends need to see if from your point of view....you need the money and surely it benefits everyone in that you can provide better for kids if you are working. As for the 'gap' what a load of crock. You dont say if the 4 yr old is at school but with two at the age that they wont be home all that long, i cant see how it will affect them. as for your youngest, maybe it will be a good thing that you are doing it while they are still young

let us know how you go with it all
I am a mother of an 18mnth old DD. I had to return to work when my DD was only 3 mnths old due to financial reasons. The looks and comments that I have had from people when I tell them this makes me angry. I wouldn't worry about what anyone else says or thinks. Mind you at time it has made me think twice about it though. Am I a bad mother to be working fulltime. I love my DD and I am working to be able to give her the kind of life that I never had growing up as a child. Anyone that thinks that you are a bad mother for wanting to return to work is very narrow minded and should mind their own business. Don't let anyone make you feel bad. Nobody know what you are going through except someone in the same situation. I totally understand you.

I hope you start to feel better about going back to work. Don't feel guilty. And good luck!

Mother of 18 mnth old DD, NSW

Returning to work does not make you are bad mother, regardless of what the reasons are.

Spending some time away from the kids is actually beneficial to all parties concerned.

It gets you out of the kids faces for a short while, it allows them to learn about other responsibilities that you have, and with the 4 and 16mth old, it helps them learn that they also need to respect the authority of the other adults that are caring for them.

The kids are out of your face for a while, the adult companionship that work provides is an avenue to talk about the challenges you face as a parent, and your children's development, in an environment where there might be other parents. Work stimulates your mind and helps your bank balance. Work gives you back your own (pre-parent) identity outside of being a parent.

All moms experience "Mother Guilt" when they go back to work, it's normal ... I still do, and I've been back at work now for over 3 yrs (my girl was about 10 mths old, she is now 4 yrs old). I work 3 days a week, and my girl and I have a wonderfully, strong, loving relationship. I bring her into my work every 6 - 9 mths, so that she can see where mummy works, and she is so proud to be sitting at my desk at work.

Your relationship with your children will not suffer for it, as long as you allocate time with them as well.

Turn a blind eye to what your friends and family say, you have to do what is best for your family ... they are not the ones who have to pay your bills.
i think its great that mums go back to work, no time is too early,

my sister inlaw just returned back to work when baby was only 2 months old,
i have the joys of nanny for him 5days which can be very challangeling with a 14month old and 7 weeks preg with morning sickness, but its preparing me for my job ahead
due due financial problems like credit card and paying off there car they both had to return to work, its a shame that this has happened but the cost of living is too high for some people and need to be working.

so its a good thing for the future.
Hi

Although I am currently a stay at home mum since the birth of my second child I did go back to work after the birth of my first one for financial reasons. I also had feelings of guilt and mixed reactions from those around me. In particular I was concerned because my son was exceptionally close to me and I worried the effect it would have on him and me.

I have no regrets about the time my son has spent in daycare - it has given him great social skills and allowed him to mix with other children his own age that he otherwise wouldn't have been able to.

And as for our relationship we are as strong as ever. I think that as long as you make the time you do spend with your children count and let them know you love them then they will feel safe and secure in that knowledge.

I think you need to let your family and friends know this - and hopefully (as mine did) once they see the way you manage it that will come around in time.

Ultimately though you know in your heart that you need to do this and that you love your kids - and what you know is more important than what others think.

Good luck.

It doesn't make you feel like a bad mum. Your decision about returning back to work for financial reasons makes you a great mum. I have a 13 month old son and I have gone back to work on casual basis since he was 7 months. My MIL was against me going back to work; so I told her that it's very hard to survive on 1 wage. She was a SAHM and never went back to work; so I thought she would understand about financial circumstances. I am a school teacher and I know how hard it is to survive on one wage. I really don't know how SAHM do it, but I think they are great mums too.
My friend is a school teacher and she is going back to work full time when her new born is 8 months. She has copped a lot from friends and family as well, but she is strong in ignoring them and explaining to them about her financial needs. You could ask the family about how they coped and if they did stay at home, then you could tell them that "times have changed and it would have been hard with one wage as well. Everyone is different." Also you could tell them that they need to show you proof of where it is written about the confusion in gaps. Take care and try not to let it upset you. I know people manipulate you and make you feel guilty but they just don't understand.

VIC

I have not had the chance to read everyones replys, but returning to work you ARE NOT A BAD MUM! Your kids go to school, kinder etc... to have a break from you and there is noting wrong wiht needing a break from them (although I understand this is not your reason for returning to work). A break actually makes me a better mother as at the end of the day I feel refreshed and like I have had a break. My kids go to care 1 day a week, and when the bub is old enough I will be woking then too.

I am not a SAHM, and have no personal problems with those who are, but it is a personal desision. I struggled, but have found that my kids are actually better off wiht me working and that I am a better mother, and less stressed about finances too.

I could go on, but I need to go and prepare dinner, got people coming over for dinner tongiht.

3 under 3- 15 month gaps. Busy but loving it eìí?

Hi leah you a NOT a bad mum and you have your reasons why you have to go back to work and it has nothing to do with other people cause they arent paying your bills and feeding your children and it isnt going to cause confusion for your children cause they will understand that you a supporting them and giving them the best start in their lives.

Leah just remember that they a not in your shoes and they dont know how you feel and they are making it worse than it needs to be and good luck in the workforce and keep your head up and you a wonderful mum who loves her children.

Tracey,Jaye (girl)12/06/05, Sam (boy)10/07/09

Hi, thank you to all of you for your advice it has helped make me feel a whole lot better about returning to work. Now all i have to do is get thru the interview... scary thought i havent done this in a few years..lol. I will keep you all posted on how i go.

Leah,QLD,5,nearly4 yr & a 17 mth old monster

Hi you are not a bad mum, if that was the case I would be at the top of the list. I returned back to work fulltime when my DD was but six months old. And as you mentioned due to financial reasons. My DD did however go to my mums four days a week and day care for her own benifits for one day a week.
She is now 3 and has no problems whatso ever with me leaving her to go somehwere and has the best social skills. overall a very happy and wellbehaved young lady......

So if going back to work makes you a bad mum then put me at the top of the list.............
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