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14 month who still sleeps in the bed with us. Lock Rss

Hi Im new at this.
My daughter who is almost thirteen months old, still refuses to sleep in her own cot. We have night where I can get her settled and she'll sleep all night, but 4 out of 7 nights she's in the bed with us, just so we can get some sleep.

Any suggestions to what we can do?

Please help.

Chantal, Vic, Expectant Mother

Hi Channy,
My suggestion is trust that your daughter will sleep on her own when she is ready and, in the meantime, enjoy the snuggling.
We struggled to get our daughter to sleep in her cot in her own room for months and months. Finally we decided to just "go with the flow" and have been happy ever since.
My daughter moved into her own bed on the floor beside us when she turned 3 a few months ago. Before that she was in her own cot but we took the bars off one side and pushed it up against our bed like a "side-car". It meant that she was right next to us all night but she didn't take up any room in our bed.
Babies and young children are the same as Stoneage babies and the western practice of babies sleeping alone doesn't meet their innate need for comfort and closeness at night. Darkness means danger to a Stoneage baby - a sabre-toothed tiger is going to come and get her! Your 14 month old doesn't know that she's as safe from predators in her cot as she is in your bed. It will be years before she will learn that. There are more babies in the world sleeping with their parents than babies that are sleeping alone. You may want to do some internet research on "co-sleeping" and "attachment parenting" to see how parents manage it.
If your daughter goes to sleep in your bed, rather than in her own cot, you may find that she feels more secure and doesn't wake up as often at night or at all.
Sleep well!
Lisa

Lisa, AKNZ, 3yr girl

Hi there,

I've found myself that my daughter who is almost 1 loves to sleep in my bed, and now she's getting used to being in there with me and wont stay the night in her cot. What I've started to do is that if she wakes up during the night, I go into her room and gently rock her to sleep and place her back in her cot. And it seems to be working really well, and she's getting used to it. But I have read that if your child does sleep in the bed with you they've done research and the child is alot smarter. So maybe just go with the flow. They're not going to sleep in your bed forever, and just cherish the moment you're together.

Tori

Victoria, W.A, 4mth baby

Hey Chantal,

Sorry to hear you're struggling. We had a lot of trouble with bub sleeping in our bed. Actually I should say had trouble with her sleeping at all and unfortuanately, her being in with us was very detrimental to both her sleep and mine (my hubby sleeps through everything smile ). Anyway, a few months ago I read this fantastic book on infant sleep and it helped enormously. She was back in her bed and sleeping through the night (dunno if you're having waking issues too but we were - LOTS) within a few days plus she was far more happy and alert after the sleep situation was sorted. If you're interested in more info, just let me know.

Hope things are going well.

Smiles!
Shanna
Channy you are going to have to get tough and be realistic, If you are having two kids one after the other like me you got to look after yourself and that means you are going to have to put the new baby in their own room in their own cot right from the start,{AND REPEAT AFTER ME.....DUMMIES ARE OKAY.......} dosen't mean you love them less or any such rubbish with saber toothed tigers, that thinking alone will send you round the twist! as for your thirteen month old, go slowly and try to make their room cosy and snuggly for them, encourage blankies, personal soft toys and get a book on it or something, may have to be some crying involved too....good luck !
For me, sharing the bed with my bed hog husband is bad enough. I couldn't imagine sharing it with one, two or three kids also. I agree with sweepy, you have to do it from day one and it will be a lot easier in the long run. Lisaloo, not sure where you are coming from with the sone age babies theory but each to their own! Babies need love and attachment (to a certain degree) but also independence. Good luck.

My babies are all grown up sad

Hi Shanna; - Just read your post; and wondered if you could let me know what the book was and what your tips are??

My boy (Zac) is giving us hell with the whole sleep issue- tonight it took 2 1/2 hours to get out of his bedroom and get him to sleep..

He doesn't go to sleep anymore on his own- this is a recent thing.. he used to be really good- I wish I knew what has changed!

I really want to try controlled crying more, as I think this is going to be our only solution, however don't really want to leave him to cry for long periods of time as this only ends up winding us all up. I would love for him to sleep through the night, - or even longer than 4 hours. Any improvement would be great!

Look forward to your suggestions.
Hey Milkshop,

I must say first of all that I love your nic!! I used to call myself the milkbar when my bubba was really little - so I totally get it!! LOL!

Well, it sounds like you're having a really rough time of it with Zac. I can't really relate to where you're coming from and I understand how stressful it gets. How old is Zac??

Anyway, the book that was loaned to me is called On Becoming Baby Wise. It's basically a sleep reference guide, but gets into a lot of other stuff which is all interrelated. Reading it and using the principles they suggest basically saved me from having a nervous breakdown I believe. And that was after only 2 1/2 mnths of sleep deprivation. i have no idea how some of the Mums on here (or anywhere for that matter) go on like that for years!!

Anyway, just like with you, Alynta was a really good sleeper for ages and then it just suddenly started. We tried everything we could think of or knew to do. I even tried CC myself and just couldn't do it. BW does use a form of CC, but it gives you a lot of understanding and info on what you're doing and why. After I read it, I felt like I finally stop constantly asking myself if everything I did was "the right thing" for Ally and stopped questioning whether or not I was being a 'good mother'. it gave me confidence because I knew what i was doing and why I was doing it.

We went from waking anywhere from 3 - 8 times a night (and feeding everytime and only being able to fall back asleep in our bed plus almost no sleep during the day) to sleeping 11-12 hours through the night and having two 1 1/2 sleeps plus a 1/2 hour nap during the day within a week. It was like we had a totally different little girl.

Anyway, I guess this is getting a little long winded. I'd love to talk with you more though. if you'd like to e-mail me, you're welcome to on scott01@dodo.com.au . Otherwise, hopefull I'll catch you around.

Thinking of you and Zac!

Smiles!
Shanna
Hi Shanna; - thanks for your reply - I am off to the library 2morro!!! The book sounds great.

Zac is 13 months. He is so lovely; - but is an absolute terror when it comes to sleep. He refuses to settle, and wakes about 2 times a night. About 5 nights of the week he ends up coming into bed with us because he just wont resettle into his cot.

The thing that I find difficult with advice from some books I have read is that it introduces things from quite a young age; whereas Zac 'used' to be so good at going down awake in his cot.. - It was just after the Christmas holidays that it all turned to custard. I keep quite a structured routine, but as you mentioned worry that I doing the 'right thing' - so am really looking forward to reading this book.

I will email you soon & let you know how I am getting on!!
Hey Milkshop!

Goodluck at the library. I know some ladies have been able to find it there and others not. If you have any trouble or want some ideas where else you may be able to get it, let me know ok.

Well, sounds like Baby Wise would be perfect for Zac!! BW does actually talk about starting from birth, but it also gives you the tools of how to beging implementing stuff late. We didn't start with Ally til she was 8mths and they even speciafically mention 12 and 18 mnths. I think it's just the principals that are what works regardless of the age. I think you're really going to get heaps out of it.

Anyway, i look forward tohear how you go. Talk soon!

Smiles!
Shanna
I really dont see what the huge problem is. My daughter slept in the bed with us until she was ready to sleep in her own bed. They are young for such a short time and there is nothing sweeter than a sleeping bub.
If you really are upset at sharing your bed, have you tried at least putting the cot in your room or pushed up against the bed like a couple of the others suggest? I dont mean to sound critical, but what is your motivation for wanting your child in its own bed? I am sure you will be able to compromise.
I strongly disagree with those out there saying you have to be tough and do it from day one. Elora slept in our bed, then our room, and then her own room and bed. Your baby will not sleep in your bed forever, I can assure you of that.
Isnt it nicer to be able to have your baby close to you and take comfort in that than have a sickly baby who has to stay in hospital where you cant hold it if you wanted to? Appreciate what you have while you have it.
Hi again Elorasmum,

Well, I know I've just replied to your other post, I just wanted to mention a couple things in relation to this one also.

You're right again when you say they are amazing when they're asleep. I could probably look at my little girl all day sleeping. (I often think when I look at her that I wish all of life was that uncomplicated.) I did at times enjoy having her in bed with me. I've even had a sleep with her once or twice since we broke the habit and it was nice. I think the key word there in our case was habit.

Anyway, as far as the cot thing. Alynta has been in our room right next to our bed since the day she was born and the motivation for me wanting her in her own bed, was for she and I to actually get some quality sleep. Without proper sleep, people can't function and babies certainly don't devlop properly. We definitely weren't getting decent sleep, not even half decent. Once again you're right in that they are little for so short a time, but I can tell you the 2 1/2 mnths seems like a lifetime when you're sleep deprived with a sleep deprived screaming baby.

You said that the bub won't sleep in the parents bed forever. Probably not (we hope) but it can go on for quite a long time. I've heard of ppl talk of their children in bed with them (every night) well in to school. I know that's extreme, but it doesn't seem to be uncommon for it to go on for quite a few years. This can also be quite damaging on the relationship of the parents (even for only a couple years). Esp in families where there a few consecutive children.

It is a great privilage to have a whole and healthy baby to enjoy. They are such an incredible blessing - never to be taken for granted and I can't imagine my life without my daughter. I love her kisses and cuddles and to be able to hold her close. At the same time, I guess it comes back to ppl working out what works for them. You may see it as selfish; for those who've struggled like I did, it's necessity.

Anyway, I hope you're having a fantastic day and that things continue to go fantasticly with Elora. Best wishes.

Smiles!
Shanna
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