I am so sorry your little boy is being bitten. Biting should not be taken lightly, as your son may get sick from a child that bites him. Don't feel responsible - it is the day cares responsibility to ensure this does not happen not yours. They owe you a duty of care that your son is safe whilst in their care. Ask for an appointment to speak to the manager of the centre and discuss you concerns with him/her.
My oldest daughter was in day care and she was bitten, the parents of the other child were called in and spoken to - have they done this in your case?
When my second was born i was advised to get the hep B immunisation just in case she was ever bitten by another child - have you raised this type of risk with them as well?
I don't want to scare you but I feel very strongly about the safety of our children - especially when they are in day care and it seems to me that they have not taken this issue very seriously as it keeps happening over and over. This type of incident should have been promptly dealt with by the centre to ensure that it does not happen again.
Vic, 2 girls - 9 yo & 17mth old
You are right I get the distinct feeling they are not taking this matter seriously at all. I know it is going to be hard finding another centre at this time of the year but I will at least try which will hopefully make me feel like I have some control of this.
I have only known of one case where the child parent where called, but that was only because she bit my child in the morning and then another child in the afternoon. They rang the mother after the second child was bitten.
I am sorry they are not opened today as I now have to stew on this all weekend. Then I have to start my Monday morning defending my son to people who are being paid VERY good money to take care of him. I wish I could just take him straight out of the centre but I have no one else to watch him while I work. My husband is a 24hr shift worker, my mother is not well enough to look after herself, my husbands family all live a long way away and I dont have a sister or even a friend who would be able to help me. I want him to interact with other children and to have friends but at what price?
Did I mention this is my sons second day care centre as the first one was leaving him unfed (his food was still in his bag), in dirty nappies (poo), dirty runny nose(running into his mouth) and leaving him alone in the nursery screaming while the other children where outside playing. I came to pick him up and heard him screaming from outside. I was in the nursery for at least 5 mins trying to settle him and no one came near me. On his last day I found a bruise on his arm in the shape of adult fingers. He never returned and I lodged a formal complaint. But I wasnt working them................ His current centre have been very good up until now so I am really at a loss.
I'll let you know how I go and thanks again for your advice.
how did you go speaking to management? it's a shame you have had such bad experiences with childcare. Now that i have another baby, i am not going down that path again. i have a part time night job and when maternity leave finishes (end April) I will be working at night (7pm - midnight)when hubby is at home. i too don't have any support to help with babysitting so i know how hard it is for you - probably twice as hard as your hubby is a shift worker.
Stand your ground with Daycare - don't let them fob you off with this biting thing and find out it there is an authority you can report these people to if you don't get any satisfaction.
Vic, 2 girls - 9 yo & 17mth old
So for now it seems they may be able to fix this problem as they know who is doing the biting, that is better than we had before. On the up side Caleb is still happy to be there and actually runs to the door to get in when we arrive. Thats the main thing for now.
I did contact the Child Care Access Line who adviced I really need to make an formal complaint with the centre first (which we did on Monday) and if the matter is not fixed then we can contact them again and they will also look into this. They agreed bitting was a very serious matter and said if the child continued then the centre would have to look at asking the child to not attend until they could be sure the child was not going to bite again. My mother reminded me of a matter years ago when a little girl named Eve who had been diagnosed with AIDS, I dont think she actually had AIDS but the anti bodies. I think she got this from a blood transfusion at birth. Anyway this is years ago when we didnt know a lot about it. But she was bitting children at her day care and she was asked to leave. Apparently no day care centre was prepared to take her because of the bitting and having the AIDS virus. In the end her mother moved back to New Zealand. I am not saying this was right or wrong but it was very sad for everyone involved.
Thank you for your help and support. I was starting to wonder if I was just being a neurotic mother!! You know the ones. I know no child is perfect and we all have our faults but some behaviour is not acceptable.
I hope it all works out for you with the afternoon work. I would love to be able to do something like that. Thanks again. Janeen
My little boy has been bitten three times in as many month, the last one on his face. It is such a hurtful thing to see your child with a bruise caused by somebody else's ill mannered child. In the last few days our boy has been trying to smack us on the face. I am wondering if he is also getting smacked at daycare. We really like our carers at daycare - the problem is the other kids. I am glad you have taken the problem into your own hands as we have also done. Our son went through the biting stage with us and we used to bite him back harder and that soon stopped him doing it. They learn very quickly when something hurts them back.
I hope things get better for you or that you find another daycare centre but remember - there may be more biters at the new centre!
What causes biting
There are four different kinds of biting.
1. Experimental biting
Biting is the way that infants explore the world. They put everything into their mouths. At some stage many infants will try biting the breast when they are feeding or biting a parent or carer. Sometimes it almost seems like a game to the child.
What you can do for experimental biting
Don't let children see that you think it is funny or a game. Say firmly: "No! Biting hurts." Remove them quickly from the breast or arm or whatever they are biting. Infants and toddlers will usually soon learn not to bite in this situation. When children are teething they need lots of things to bite on because often their gums feel sore. Give them things that they can safely bite on eg teething rings.
2. Biting from frustration
Frustration happens when children get into situations that they can't handle. Children under three or so are not usually ready to play in a cooperative way with other children in groups. If they are in a group and another child takes their toy they may respond by hitting or biting. They have not yet learned other ways to cope. If biting gets a strong response, which is likely, they will see that it is successful and may try it again. Sometimes, too, the youngest children bite when they are playing with others who are bigger and stronger than they are.
What you can do about biting from frustration
If you can, get in first and cut down the situations that the child cannot cope with. Try to keep group play to short periods and small groups. Watch for situations where two children might want the same toy and step in first to distract them.
Children in this situation need close adult supervision, especially if they are known to bite. However even the best supervision, unless it is one-to-one, will not prevent some children from getting in a quick bite.
If your child does bite, say firmly "We don't bite, biting hurts" and remove him immediately from the situation. Keep him with an adult for a while. The child needs you to understand his feelings and start teaching him to manage them differently. This takes a long time to learn. Feelings are very hard for young children to control. You might say something like "You were very cross when Peter took your truck" or "You wanted to play with the truck. If you feel cross tell me and I will help you".
3. Biting because of feeling powerless
Often it is the youngest child in the family who bites. The older children seem stronger and more able to get what they want and the youngest feels small and powerless. The same can happen in groups. The child can then discover that biting is a way of getting some power in the situation.
What you can do about biting because of feeling powerless
The first step is to try to make sure that the child's needs are protected so she doesn't need to bite. Make sure that she is not getting the worst of the deal.
If she is playing with older children explain to them how the younger one might be feeling. Get their help to make things more equal.
If biting happens between very youngchildren more adult help is needed. Try to get in first and make sure that the needs of the less powerful child are taken care of.
Make separate play places for older and younger children if necessary.
If the child has already bitten, quickly tell her that she is not to bite and remove her from the situation. Keep her with you for a while before letting her return.
Biting under stress
Biting often occurs when a child is under emotional stress that she cannot handle. This biting is an expression of distress and pain and the child may seem very upset or angry. Young children are not easily able to know what they are feeling. They just act!
What you can do about biting under stress
Try to find out what is causing the stress if you can. Keep a watch on when the biting happens and what is happening just before. For example one child always bit someone when a new child arrived at the playgroup and took the leader's attention. Another child started biting soon after his much loved grandfather had died.
It isn't always possible to remove the cause of the stress, but sometimes if you can work out what is triggering the biting, you can get in first.
The child will need help to find other ways to express his feelings through play and stories.
When the child bites, remove him from the situation promptly and respond as above. Sometimes it helps to offer something else to bite on. Offer as much comfort as you can at other times.
It was just a painful time as everything I read was about your child biting but nothing was about your child being bitten. I would hate to think of another child going through the same thing. Thanks for your reply!
My friend used to work in child care and at her centre biters were expelled. My nephew bites when he gets over excited but with plenty of firm 'No!s' he is getting out of it. Luckily he bites us and not other kids as there is nothing worse than seeing your little one injured in any way.
Good luck - I hope things are working out for you.
i cant beleive that they let it go on for so long
if that was my child i would be going off my head and demandin answers (as it sounds you have) just reading that makes me mad it is not right
but what your husband said made me laugh how true is it about americans
thinkin of u and ur boy
DD may 03, DS oct 06
michelle, mum of jackson 13-02-03