Smacking!

Hello to all. I am new to this forum and would really love your views on a particular anxiety proviking subject (for me anyway!).
I have been struggling a lot with the whole smacking thing. Will it teach my child that 'hitting' is okay.....and the way to get what you want is to hit/smack. On the other hand.....it's about teaching them to respect and adhere to authority right?
Don't get me wrong.....I am not against smacking at all. I have a 16 mth old son and when he is naughty (which luckily isn't all that often) I tried the whole time out thing. It was pretty much a fizzer for him. I do smack him....on the backside (with no pain as the nappy helps....just the shock seems to work!) or hand if he is doing something unsafe. It seems to me with reading some of your comments that it's more about finding out what suits the child....right? I mean.....smacking might work for some....time out for others.
I didn't grow up being smacked much.....but the punishments I recieved were a lot worse. So I am concious of doing something different.
Help me out here.....help me to get some clarity in my mind!
Cheers....and thanks.
SebsMama.

Hi sebsmama

I agree with you that smacking works for some families and not others.
I have a 1year old and she gets a smack on the hand (not hard) when she is doing something unsafe and usually she wont do it again at least for the rest of the day.
I was smacked as a child and I turned out fine, I think the problem with smacking is that some people cant differenciate between smacking and abuse and therefore many children are abused.
But in saying that I will smack my daughter when she is being naughty but only after telling her about 3 times to stop what she is doing first and warning her that a smack is coming if she doesnt stop.

Good luck with the discipline and I hope everything turns out OK.

I have a 12 month old and we will use smacking as part of our discipline. I think what SebsMama says is good in that they get a certain number of warnings first. And when they are a bit older you can do the count to five thing, they will realize that it means stop or you will get a smack, this gives them time to stop and it seems to work for alot of parents.

I have a 16 month old, Nicholas and after a few warning of saying "no or you get smacks" and he still doesn't listen, we will smack him lightly on the hand and he knows not to do it again. As a child I was also smacked and I turned out fine. I would never smack him on or near the face only on his hand or on the bottom.

I very much agree that the whole smacking thing is very confusing! To smack or not to smack?!? My daughter is 21 months old and I have smacked her a few times( like 2 or 3 maybe) but i have a friend who smacks her daughter in front of my daughter and she now thinks "Oh i can smack to get what i want" so now my daughter is hitting alot when she doesnt want to do something or she gets moody and smacks her friend how do you explain it is wrong for her to smack but not others?

To give the other point of view. Iam totally against smacking and it makes my stomach turn to see parents hit their child. It doesnt matter how you sugar coat saying it, it is still hitting your child. You might not do any physical damage but mentally how can you say it doesnt do any harm. You want your child to stop doing something so you hit them, what message does that send to the child, its ok to hit people to get what you want, its ok for me to do this but not you or I love you but i have to hit you. I dont understand how that can be justified. I think that the abuse argument is a weak one as you only have to look at the various forms of abuse in relationships, they dont all involve being 'beaten'. I had a friend who was just smacked as a child but as the behaviour got worse so the smacking had to get worse to a point of violence. He then grew up to be an abuser himself. You see a circle of behaviour start. I notice that here it is mentioned that you were smacked and your fine so now you do it. My example may seem extreme but not everyone turns out fine.I have a headstrong, independant toddler and I have the countless tantrems etc that are a normal part of her stage. I have never smacked her, I have found ways to discipline her that dont send a mixed message. Sometimes they work and sometimes they dont as with most things, but i go to sleep knowing that iam doing everything I can to make her childhood a positive experience. As parents we are the main influence on what type of people are children will grow up to be by the enviroment and the experiences we give them. I feel that if you feel you cant do anything but hit your child to stop them doing whatever then talk to your child health nurse etc, there are numerous ways of dealing with bad behaviour in a positive way. I dont mean to get on my high horse or anything but the messages posted here were all onesided, I felt this side needed to be put across.Cheers

I'd tell her that smacking is only for mum's and dads to do when children are being naughty and if I see her hitting or smacking any of her friends or other people then she will get a smack for doing so. I think it is important with what ever type of disciplinary form you take on that you have to be consistant. Your child needs to learn that when you say something you mean business otherwise they will learn to get away with things.

p.s. not that i am any expert on the matter