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To send to daycare or not? Lock Rss

Hi there smile

Just after somw general advice/stories from anyone in a similar situation.

Im a stay at home mum with a 27month old toddler boy and 14week old baby. I decided that maybe it was time for my toddler to go to daycare once or twice a week, mainly because of guilt thinking he wasnt getting enough stimulation from me at home and pressure from friends whos kids go to daycare. He went on Monday and absolutely hated it. He cried as soon as I left, actually screamed with his hands in his mouth and histerical. I called about 2hours after Id left and the teacher said he had had some morning tea a sleep but wasnt very happy and was struggling transitioning from one activity to the next. I knew he would hate that because at home, he obviously can play with whatever he likes for as long as he likes. He also absolutely freaked when they had to change his nappy (he isnt toilet trained yet) I went and picked him up around 3pm, so he had been there approx 6hrs and he was playing in the outside area, quite happily but I could tell he was feeling stressed.

Ever since Monday he hasnt been his happy self. He has been a lot naughtier/cheeky than normal, quite anxious and stressed at times and isnt eating as much as normal. He also has cuts under his tongue from where his nails have scratched him when he had his hands shoved in there. I dont know if its a co-incidence or to do with the one day at daycare.

All week Ive been thinking about the daycare situation and does he really need to go? Since Im a stay at home mum and plan to be so for as long as possible, my husband and I have decided that it will be best for our son to not start daycare until atleast 3.
Is there anyone here that doesnt send their toddler or hasnt until they are around 3 or older? What do you get up to during the week to make sure they are being stimulated and socialising with other kids?

We do activities at home, go to playgroups/play centres, is it enough? A lot of friends with kids that go to daycare have been lovely when I have asked them the same thing but I feel their argument is one sided. They say its great for the kids socially, they learn so much, etc. The thing is, my son is quite smart & has been taught these things by us at home. He can count to 10, recognises numbers, all the letters of the alphabet, colours, shapes. When I go to the daycare and look around the room the toys are quite young for my sons age and obviously the teacher cant do one on one activities with them..

This post is extrememly long and if you have read this far and can reply, thankyou so much! I just feel confused and guilty? I know not sending him is the best thing for him but feel criticised for it?!

Thanks x
I am kind of in the same boat as you.
My DD2 is nearly 3 and has never been to daycare. My problem is that she starts Kindy next year and I want her to get used to being around other kids,and not having me there.
I just cant bring myself to do it though, she will be like your son and hate it.
If I was you I probably would not send him back to day care just yet.
Playgroup is great, my daughter went since she was born. It is not just about teaching them how to count etc, but how to be social with other kids and parents.
Or maybe you could enrol in him a program like tumbletots, which is for toddlers and usually run from a Rec centre.
Library's also have good toddler activities.
maybe wait until next year when he is a bit older

mum of 3 boys aged 11, 13 and 14

My niece took her daughter to childcare part-time from 16 months old as she was doing an Enrolled Nurse course part-time. Although she hated it at the beginning, later she looked forward to going as she was able to interact with other children. Sometimes she cried when she was left. The sooner you leave, the quicker they settle. At that stage they had no friends or relatives with children for her to play with. At Playgroup one parent is there so they don't get used to be not being able to run back to him/her when they want to. Problem is they do learn "bad" habits from other children. Most good childcare centres welcome you mentioning any issues-- including behaviour that you may have. The one my great-niece went to was quite happy to advise what phrases they use in certain situations and it is up to the parent/s/carer to use the same ones for continuity and avoiding confusion. JJ got used to the routine and used to ask if she was going if she missed a few days. She didn't realise that she didn't go if it was a public holiday or the gap over Christmas.
At one stage, my niece when she was about two used to throw a tantrum when left with Grandma even though she had asked to have a holiday with us. We discovered that the quicker they left the quicker she settled as was happy as could be quite quickly... and JJ is the same when she has stopovers with people she visits regularly. If your son is tired he is more likely to not settle.......Ultimately the decision is yours !!!
Not in the same situation as I don't have a second child and my daughter doesn't go to daycare but here are some things we do to keep busy and socialised............

Swimming Lessons

Toddler reading/activity class at local library


Mothers group catch up, at park usually

Playdates with closer MG friends

Indoor play centre


My mum's house

Walk dogs

Since we moved house lots of walking and bike riding. I have one of those trailer things that attaches to the back of the bike. DD loves this.
Unless I am getting heavy things we now always walk to the supermarket (at old house, drove everywhere).

All this keeps us fairly busy.
I'm in the same boat, but we are just on the waiting list at the moment for 2 days a week. I'm quite worried about it because DS has never spent any time alone without DH or me (our family live in different cities) so I think he will be really upset. When we get a place I think I will try and ease him in really slowly and if he just does not settle then we won't persist (I'm not going to be working or anything). But I want to give it a decent go as I think he gets bored at home and when we have our new baby it will be even more boring!!

But I think if it really isn't working out with your son at daycare then I'm sure he will be perfectly fine without it!

Hi there smile first off all good luck with whatever choice u decide to go with... My situation Is a lil different but hopefully it still might help, I struggled sooooo much when it came to the crunch of deciding whether to do daycare or not it's a very hard decision, for me personally though it was a choice I had to make if I wanted to work and get somewhere In life eg buy a house one day, have nice thing for my daughter and just pretty much survive! Then yes bubba had to go. I struggled for a long time with guilt ect but daycare def has it's pros as well as it's cons.... PROS...interaction with other children there help with toilet training/ in general can help to make a child more social... Then there's the CONS.... They can come home irritable, u may have to deal with tantrums,the guilt of leaving them.... I personally think there are soooo many factors when it cones to daycare for instance I had to go to 4 different centers before I found one that I liked smile And as for him getting upset when u leave this is very normal it took my lil girl months as being a single mum she was very attached but she now gives me a kiss and waves goodbye smile. Sorry for the rant lol and hopefully this helps my summary is in my personal opinion I would love to be ablet to stay at home with me baby girl and not have to worry about the finically side of things but I def think most children can also benifit from a day or 2 a week at daycare smile. Once again good luck!
i wouldt unless you have too, especially with a sensitive kid. day care does not suit some kids. some are not ready to be left at that age, others are sensitive to that many hours of that type of stimulation. it just depends on your kid. it is one of those things that started off with not many doing it and as more people went to work the numbers increased. then it became "normal". like so many things "normal" became "essential. "

it is not essential. it isnt always good for kids. kids dont always get used to it and they will probably will be great kids that have as much chance of success in life if they don't go. they dont need it for socialisation and they dont need it for education.

the time you have at home with your kids is invaluable. dont underestimate it. kids learn to be confident, learn social skills and learn academics where they feel comfortable and safe.

have to go...

mine have never been ro daycare OR kindy.....

Go with your instinct, it will usually be right.

Have to agree with this. My children do go as I work. They love it and I am happy to leave them as I know the stsff well. However I do think that daycare just does not suit some children. What you are doing is already enough so don't feel guilty for not sending him.
Hi, I am semi in the same boat, however with a younger baby... She will be one soon and I am a stay at home mum. We have just moved to a small coastal township which has no playcentre/playgroups... We head back into town one night a week and stay with mum and we catch up with friends and bubs then. There are Kohanga Reo's which I will send her to for a day or so a week once she is older but I guess I am just a little worried she doesn't get enough interaction with kids at the moment... I am probably just being paranoid (first baby, not much idea what is 'normal') but she has always been soooo clingy to me or my husband and she is just getting better and I don't want her to go backwards! I try and get out of the house lots with her, we go on big beach walks, to the park, visiting older family, feed the animals etc etc and when at home do lots of reading, playing, talking and singing/dancing with her... I guess I am wondering how many "playdates" etc should 1 year olds have a week??? At the moment we would be pushed to have 2... I think this is a stupid question as every baby has different needs but am just interested to know what others do... She is very happy and settled and seems to be great at entertaining herself!
Yeah you're totally right. I have a happy and healthy little girl who is obviously not missing out on anything. Funny how peoples comments and opinions and what others are doing can make you second guess yourself.
Well i sent my Ds to daycare at 6 months only cause i was told to go back to work by my Dh and the MIL, he goes 3 days a week he enjoys it but if i could turn back time i wouldnt send him, as he picks up any cold that is at daycare. I wanted to send him when he was at least one but yeah the other two had different ideas.
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