step families

Hi Guys,

I am 13 weeks pregnant with my first child. my huband has a 5 year old daughter, Kayley, who we have approx 40% of the time.
This little girl's is like my own - I have been in her life since 18 mths old. We do ballet and swimming lessons and I would never miss a parents day at pre-school for the world. Our relationship with her mother (not yet re-partnered) is hot and cold. she is lovely to us one minute and horrid the next. My husband and I have been together for 4 years.
Last week as we were driving home in the car, something came up about "the baby" and Kayley said "the baby will not be my real brother or sister anyway". someone has obviously said this to her, or she has overheard another conversation. It also worries me what "tales" she might be hearing from home. (This is also coming from a little girl who asked my husband at 4 years old "Daddy why are you taking mummy to court?".)
We assured her that the baby will be like a real brother and sister and that there is no difference in the relationships.
Can anyone share stories with step families or give advice on the scenario?

Thanks,
Karen.

Hi Karen

I know how you are feeling (kind of) I have a 6 year old and am now pregnant with my second but to a different father. I am lucky my son hasn't come up with the fact that the baby won't be his real sister, however I am concerned as to how my partners family will treat my son after the baby is born. Will they be different towards him as he isn't theirs techincally, if you know what I mean.

I would say to your husbands little girl that the new baby will be a brother or sister but just have a different mummy as they will both have the same daddy. That is the truth.

My step-son was 7 years old when my ex-husband and I were expecting our son. He had been told by his mother that now that 'daddy was having another child he wouldn't love him or see him anymore'. As you can imagine we were upset and horrified. Throughout my pregnancy we kept Josh involved whenever we had him and when the baby was born we had a gift from the baby for him and one for him to give to the baby. We always referred to them as brothers not 'step' or 'half' and even though my husband and I are no longer together the boys still see each other regularly and love each other dearly.

All the best, Lis : )

hi karen, i have a 10yr old stepson (horrible word!) who lives in the uk, i also have a bub nearly 11mths. I was really worried when pregnant of the reaction that we would get off my stepson but he ahs been brilliant. he just calls bub his brother. i suppose it helps that the relationship with Huws mum is rather good so at least there wasn't any negative remarks about not being wanted etc.. I guess just carry on as normal and reassure your little girl that she will be a big sister and what fun she will have growing up etc..All the best!!

Hi,
Well this is going to be from a different angle!

When my dad remarried, his wife already had a son from a previous marriage who passed away when he was very young.
He was encouraged to call my dad "Daddy" as he was young, but my sister and i call my stepmother by her name.
My Stepbrother has been told about his father and keeps a photo of him in his room.
My father and stepmother had two children together and they have both been told that their mummy is not my mummy and their daddy is not their brothers daddy but we all call each other brother and sister, i dont see us as a stepfamily at all and we are lucky because it has been a good experience (apart from my own mother).
My mother was doing the same thing by telling us bad stuff about my dad and saying that "the witch will never love you" that sort of thing. I told my father this and he had a talk to her and it stopped.
Maybe your partner should talk to his ex and see if there are any problems? It might be easier for his child that way, but i understand if that is not possible to do as some people can be really bad when it comes to their ex's and having more children (i know from experience)

I feel sorry for the children who get stuck in the middle of problems that their parents are having and i have learnt from my experience never to say things to her about her father that might confuse or upset her.
Some parent can act more like children than their actual children sometimes it amazing!

Good luck with everything, im sure it will all work out fine in the end!