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Sibling rivalry Lock Rss

Am I overreacting and just being a b!tch or...

I'm 21 weeks pregnant and my brother just announced that him and his wife are also pregnant. Its both our first children so my parents are over the moon that they will have 2 grandchildren in the same year (my brother lives interstate) but...

I just cant be happy for them - about 2 months before I got married, they announced their engagement and now they announce they are pregnant half way during mine!

I'm hoping that this bitterness passes as I really want to be happy for them but right now i just cant...





I totally understand!!

I had been with my DH for 2 years and married for 3 years (so together for 5 years all up) and was 28 years old when we decided to try for our first bub - we had been TTC for about 4 months, when lo and behold my 7 year younger, unmarried sister (was only in the relationship for 3 months) announces she is pregnant! It broke my heart, as I had waited so long for the "right" time to bring a child into this world, and here she was with the "accident" that took priority. It took me another 2 months to fall pregnant - so there is a gap of 7 months between her boy and mine (yes, made it doubly worse that we both had boys!! plus she wanted the same name that my DH and I had chosen before we were even married for our first son - I ended up getting it still tho, as she changed her mind and named her son something different- YAY - I win one!! hehehe).

So I totally get where you are coming from. I can tell you that yes (for me anyway) the bitterness does pass, although I can't say that it goes away completely... try to look on the bright side - at least you will have your baby first!! Your bro and his wife will always look like the runners-up... smile I'm wicked aren't I lol!!
Hi firstly congrats on your pregnany. Im nearly 13 weeks pregnant and my sister inlaw is also pregnant, shes exactly 1 week behind me. Im happy for her, it was a bit weird at first but now we talk and compare notes. I think its great to have someone so close thats going through the same thing. Its good for support and she understands how i feel and what its like. Its a real exciting time for us both and we are making the most of it, we will be going baby shopping and doing all the fun baby stuff together. The family is over the moon that they are going to have 2 grandchildren born within a week or so of each other.
I can understand how you feel, having a baby is a special time and you now have to share that time with your sister inlaw. Im sure once it sinks in then you will be happy for them. It just might take awhile.
my sil and or stepsister always seemed to be pregnant at the same time as me,i hated it as both families werent happy for us each time.now our families wont even discuss the baby but i have great friends that pamper me .family r not happy cause this is our 5th even though we have been together for nearly 15 yrs our eldest bein 13.....most of them have selfish reasons

I think you are being negative about a situation you cannot change and its only hurting you.

You cant live your life in competition with others and thats what it sounds like is going on, getting married and having kids is something you do because you want to not to get attention. From what you've written it sounds like you are jealous that the attention has been taken away from you, I'm sure there's enough love from your family to go around.

Be happy with what you have, you cannot change what they are going to do and whats the point in being bitter about it.
What are you bitter about???? That your brother is also starting a family and it just so happens that it will be in the same calendar year as you?? Seriously think abouut how that sounds for a minute.....what he should have waited to ttc until your baby was born???

Life is all about perception....you can sit there and be bitter and jealous (as you say you feel) or you can enjoy your pregnancy, sharing it with your family and friends AND you can also be excited that you are going to be an Aunty too!!!! That your brother is going to become a Daddy. Yay!!

In life you can control one persons actions, feelings and ways of coping and adapting to situations.....YOURS. You couldn't choose when your brother announced his engagement or when his wife happened to fall pregnant....So instead of choosing to feel unhappy embrace the positives in this situation....if you look past your issues you will find some great reasons.

Hearing news of a child coming into the world should not be a reason to be jealous and bitter....this is your niece or nephew you are talking about afterall....

My brother and his wife also found out that they were pregnant with their first shortly after we had just told them (and our families) that we were expecting our first. Both my sister in law and I were having boys. My son and nephew were both born in 2007 but my nephew passed away shortly after birth.
Please don't feel bitter or jealous instead be happy. There is nothing more than I would have liked than to be able to hold my nephew and my brother to hold his son. Be excited for them and besides it's nice that your kids grow up together and have someone their age to play with at family gatherings.
I'm now pregnant again and so is my SIL. I hope and pray this time round they get to go home from the hospital with their beautiful bundle of joy in their arms. As happy as you are to start a family they are also. How would you feel if they felt the same about you and your baby. You should be loving the idea of being a aunty. Their not taking anything away from you, their just shearing the same experience as you.

I understand your situation cos mine is the same but I do think you're overeacting and that perhaps you are being a little selfish.

I was the first in my family to fall pregnant and everyone was really excited however i lost my first child by miscarraige. 7 or so weeks after my loss my sister (who does not live interstate, but 5 mins away, who also works at the same place as me and attends the same church) announces that she is now pregnant with her first. 2 weeks later i find out that i had concieved again straight after my loss and that we were now only 2 1/2 weeks apart. Mum was a bit nervous at first about both pregnancies becoz of my first loss but soon everyone was really excited.

I could have been really bitter at the fact that she had concieved so soon after my loss and upset that when i conceived again i now had to share my pregnancy with her but in reality her life does not revolve around me. There are i'm sure thousands upon thousands of women around the world who are pregnant right now and i don't have the right to want to claim this amazing experience all to myself. Imagine if God only allowed one child to be born at a time, the worlds population would be doomed!!!

The fact that it is my sister means that maybe i wont get all the attention but honestly I'm having this baby because me and my husband want so much to have a family, not because i want peoples attention. My sister is having a baby not to compete but because she and her husband also want a family and I think they have every right to do so.

I think you should try concentrate on the positive points such as that your children will have cousins very close in age to them, which is a great thing.

Mara

this is for roxy

my bloody hormones smile lol...
when i read your post i cried still wiping the tears from my eyes... that is so sad and i worry about that happening to me everyday.. i am sorry to hear that and hope this next one is better for them!!! good luck ......

and as for you i hope that you work things out in ur head that is what it is hormones... lol
i wish u the best of luck as i am going through something similar but my nephew was born on the 27th of jan this year i am due on the 17th of jan and i have been told my my sister inlaw that she will be so angry at me if i have my child on his birthday... so good luck

[Edited on 23/10/2008]

hey there,
I think that it is only human nature to want attention when something exciting happens.
Like some of the other girls said make the best of this situation and look at the positives,also it will be good for your child to have a cousin to play with thats around the same age.
Good luck with your pregnancy


Hi

I think you have to try and look at the positives... You will have the first grandchild so that is very special. Your little one will have a cousin close in age, so when you see your brother & family, they will have each other to play with.

I got engaged before my brother a couple of mths before they did. We married almost a year before they did. They had the first grandchild in the family. We were 3mths apart in our 1st pregnancies. 6 weeks apart in our 2nd pregnancies, my brother having the 2nd grandchild first. Then I fell preg last year but unfortuntely lost our baby at 19wks in Jan 08. At the time I lost our baby, my Sil was just 12wks pregnant with their 3rd. I didn't know, she told us a week after we lost Isacc... They now have a beautiful baby girl...

Its probably pregnancy hormones making you feel a little the way you do. Give yourself some time to get use to the idea. Enjoy your pregnancy and concentrate on it. Your Sil will probably come to you for advice & someone to talk to as her pregnancy progresses and even ask you about the birth. The main thing is at the end of it all, you will have a beautiful baby of your own and also a beautiful niece or newphew and same goes for your brother.

I must admitt I was extremely jellous when I found out my Sil was preg after we lost Isacc, but in all fairness she has suffered m/c's herself and it was better to be happy for them then to be bitter and upset. It was only a waist of my energy and time and didn't make me feel like a good person. I know she felt bad & didn't know weither to share the pregnancy or not. I made a concious effort to make her tell me how everythings was going. I mean this was my little niece my own flesh and blood.

I hope keep enjoying your pregnancy, soon you will be a mum!
Wishing you all the best
dene75

Hi everyone,

thanks for your posts - and i'm happy to say that i've calmed down and am now actually quiet excited for them! Tuesday was a bad day in general so i was running hot...i had a great chat to my mum last night and her excitement for both of us (brother and I) was contagious!

So its onwards and upwards from here and i can now pass along the "been there, done that" tips to my SIL.





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