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My family is driving me CRAZY!!!!! Rss

PLEASE HELP!
My name is Leanne, i'm 20 yrs old and i am 38 weeks pregnant with my first child and my mother is DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!
She keeps insisting that i am going to have the baby early
(contantly asking if the doctors have "changed" the due date - NO!!!)
and that if the baby hasn't engaged by next week that i am going to be having a ceaserian because the doctors don't want me to have the baby between Christmas and New Years!
She has also insited that, no matter what name i give to my baby (or what sex it is) SHE is going to name it "Emma", whether i like it or not!
Has anyone else had experience with over-bearing relatives, friends etc?
WHAT DO I DO???

Mummy to Talana Michelle Kimberley (13/12/2003)

You poor bugger. Wait untill the baby comes. I had a few problems when I was pregnant with my mother inlaw, but that was nothing compared to now. Im 22 and have a 9 month little boy.
My friend said now that her son is 2 her inlaws dont annoy her anymore. Im waiting for that day. I have even thought of moving away.I already live 45 mins away from her. The thing is I can put my mum in her place but I cant tell My mother inlaw.
Have you thought of any names? If so just keep calling it by Its real name in front of her. Tell your mum that the doctors arent stupid enough to take the baby out unless there there is a reason like high blood pressure or something. Good luck if you havent already had your baby. Just remember, You are the mum.And what you say goes.

michelle, mum of jackson 13-02-03

Thanks, hopefully, my mum will calm down when the baby is born (Í don't think it will happen!) but it is good to know that other people are having the same troubles!
When my mum had my sister and i (i have a twin) we were born 10 weeks early, so i think that is why she thinks i'm gonna go early.

Mummy to Talana Michelle Kimberley (13/12/2003)

You poor thing,

My family is great, I have a very small family (just 3 of us, me mum and dad) I do however have problems with my MIL which is difficult because I feel I cant say anything to her and I usually put it back on my boyfriend to sort out.

I have decided there is no baby name talk with Family... as it will be our decision... they will all find out after the birth. Then ppl just say oh thats a nice name... what else can they say ? where as before hand they say oh yeh but what about this name or that name...

My MIL keeps saying if you want me there I will be.... the first time it was nice for her to offer but she keeps saying it as if she is waiting for me to say something back..... but I dont plan on having her there, I will have my boyfriend and my mother there... I just dont know how to tell her.

Lisa, WA, EDD 1st July 04

Hi Leesa tell your MIL that you are only allowed 2 support people there. Its true anyway!
When are you due?

michelle, mum of jackson 13-02-03

Hi,
It sounds as though that must be very frustrating! You name your baby whatever you would like. Your mum has had her turn & now it is your turn. I'm sure your baby will come when it is ready. Maybe your mum has forgotten how big women get at the end of their pregnancy. You could always suggest that the baby call her something other than what she wants to called (ie. Nana or Grandma) whether she likes it or not!!
Good luck, hopefully it will all settle down once the baby arrives!
Leanne

How did you end up going with your mum? Now that Talana has arrived does she insist or calling her emma?

Steph VIC Mummy to one gorgeous boy

Hi, I wish I didn't have this problem, but I'd love some advice if anyone has any!!! My boyfriend and I are expecting our first baby in July this year. My boyfriend invited my mother to live with us due to family problems and she has been with us for 6 months or so now. Everything was going along fine until I had my 6year old neice stay with us for a week. My boyfriend has said since that he doesn't want my mother having any influence in our children's lives! He said she doesn't know how to be a mother! He basically wants her to move out and not let her babysit any of our children. My mother is not a monster!!!!!!! He blames her for my two brothers smoking pot and me having mild depression. I now my mother has made mistakes raising myself and my brothers, but I know that the three of us are decent people. My dad passed away 4 years ago. My boyfriend had a bad childhood - he says his father hit him and took no interest in anyting he ever did, so therefore he hasn't spoken to them for a couple of years (since he's known me). I feel like he's asking me to choose between him and my mother and I'm so confused!!!! I love my mum (as most daughters do!) and I love my boyfriend, but what he said to me really hurt and made me feel that maybe I shouldn't be with him anymore. I don't want to be a single parent, but I can't live with him not being civil to my mother - I love family and being around family. Please help.
Lisa

Lisa, Qld, Mum to be

Hi Lisa,

I think you need to find out the reasons why your partner feels this way about your mother. Did something happen with your niece? If you know what made him feel this way (or if you find out), you need to assess how serious it is. I don't always like what my mother and my husband's mother do but at the end of the day, it doesn't affect my son at all - it's just different to how I would do it. It isn't necessarily bad, just different. However, I know that it is sometimes hard to accept that people do things differently and it is really easy to think that different is bad. You need to look at this from your partners point of view as well. Does he see that your children will be harmed in some way? If so, then he is just being protective and caring. I'm not saying for a minute that your mother is a monster or anything as I don't know the situation. I think you need to find out the exact reasons and then see whether your partner has a point or is overreacting. Also consider how often your mother will be babysitting for you. If it will be frequently for long periods of time, then both you and your partner have to be comfortable with this. It is his baby too and he sounds like he is simply trying to do the best thing for the baby (at least in his mind), even if this isn't the best thing for you or your mother.

Don't know if this has helped at all but good luck.
Thanks Yvette,

There wasn't any particular incident that happend with my neice. My mum hadn't seen melanie for a year and a 1/2 so didn't really understand that she wasn't a baby anymore and could do things for herself. He wants our kids to be self-reliant (which I agree with). We never intended for my mum to look after the baby full time, just short spaces of time here and there. But he said that just being in the house will influence our kids. He believes that because my brothers smoke pot that our children will end up abusing drugs and have a mental illness. I have said to him that we are the primary influence on our children's lives, but he just dismissed that. I guess the problem is also with our relationship - he is very overbearing towards me and sometimes I am scared of him because of the way he reacts to situations. We own our own business, so are together 24hrs a day which doesn't really help. He asked me what I was like in school and I said I was a perfect student. He then said so why aren't I doing great things? I should have said something at the time, but I didn't. I met my partner in my last year of postgraduate study in psychology and he asked me if I would help him in his business - so I did because I wanted to support him. Doing this has put any career aspirations I ever had on hold because he keeps saying - we'll make more money if you stay in the business with me. He wants to be a millionaire! I don't know, I guess there's so much to think about and I am the worst at actaully talking to people face to face about my own problems. As a psychologist I would be fine, but it's funny how you don't put to practice what you know!

Lisa

Lisa, Qld, Mum to be

Hi Lisa,

I'm really sorry, it sounds like you have it pretty rough. I can't really offer any advice as only you will know what is for the best. All I can say is that you have a precious baby growing inside of you and no matter what, you have to consider what is best for them. Once your baby is born and you look into his or her eyes for the very first time, you will find that there is nothing that you can deny them. I guess your partner thinks that if he can provide for you then he is doing the right thing. However, he has no right to put you down in any way and make you feel bad about yourself. It will probably be really hard to do this, but you will have to stand up for yourself and ensure that he knows how valuable you are. I would also stand up to him about your mother. It will probably give him the biggest shock of his life but who knows, he might start to treat you differently. Good luck and let us know how you get on.
Hi Lisa,

Just one more thing though, if you feel threatened by him in any way, you need to consider what effect this will have on your child. Do you really want them growing up thinking that the way he treats you is the way that women should be treated? This will cause your child more problems than anything your mother can do. I'm sure you've considered this as well but remember that babies may seem like they don't understand or know but they sense things and I can say for certain that once they hit the toddler mark they understand EVERYTHING.

Lots of luck, if you need to talk, you can email me on yvette.evans@travelcorporation.com.au

Yvette
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