Responsibility

Is it just me or are guys getting more and more selfish these days? Im 20 weeks pregnant today and the father of my unborn baby boy wants 'father unknown' put on the birth certificate. If i dont, he reckons that his parents will help him get custody, so that i have to pay him child support. The thing is, he'll be living on Hamilton Island and his parents think they'll be raising my child.........over my dead body. Ive accepted that im going to be a single parent and im going to do my best at raising my son. Does anyone think that what the father is doing is fair? Im not after money from the father, i just think that he should take responsibility for something that he helped create. What gets to me the most is the way his parents are acting to the situation. I would never ever do what they're doing. Sure il try to protect my sons arse when he gets himself into trouble but not to the extent of encouraging him to forget about a situation thats going to affect the rest of his life. Anyone else out there have an opinion???

Hey Belle,
Congratulations on being pregnant, even though you're going through a rough time at the moment. I'm trying to figure out why the father doesn't want his name on the birth certificate. I know it's 2003/04 but was he a one night stand? Or is he an ex boyfriend? Either way, I'd not take his threats seriously if I were you. Do you see yourself as an unfit mother? If you do, then you have something to worry about. If you feel you'd make a good mother, then you should know that they will not get custody. The courts would certainly allow you to keep the baby, most of the time if the mother seems able to adequately look after the baby then the courts would leave it with her. Another thing, not many people can be bothered going to court as it costs way too much money. It's just a threat, that's all. Hope I've made you feel a bit better.

PS- Yup, guys are selfish. And yes, the father is totally being unfair, but lets face it, it is a mans world.

Hi Belle,
Congratulations! He must want the birth certificate not to say his name so he doesnt have to pay child support! If you cant prove he is the father.
Your child might be upset one day that his/her father wasnt on the birth certificate, as that happend to me. Also courts dont just take the baby away from the mother for no reason.
Not all men are selfish, but I wouldnt call him a man!

Congratulations. BUT Oh my god... If my husband (we are separated) did that i don't know how i could contain the anger. I would tell them all to grow up!!! but i don't know anything about legal problems. I now have my divorce to worry about which will happen a few months after my bump is due (EDD 15 July 2004) So i can understand why you would be feeling a bit scared at the moment.

But lets all just try to enjoy being pregnant - I think i am starting to grow (not showing yet though) so its starting to feel real... Only confirmed yesterday that i was pregnant so now i know why i was feeling a little quesy and sore in the stomach these last few weeks.

Enjoy and email me if you like. mazodonnell@hotmail.com

I dont' understand men sometimes, is it a constant competition who can be the biggest pig? I don't think you should be too concerned with him, if he can't be bothered and wants no ties to the child now, it would be really strange for him to then take on full and sole responsibility for it. The child would probably be better off not knowing that a guy like that was his father anyway.

It is really hard for grandparents to gain custody of a child as well. My parents tried to gain custody of my sisters children after she died because although the father wanted them he is a heroin addict and was abusing them. It was practically impossible for the children to be taken off of him, even under those circumstances and he still has them, so don't worry about too much custody wise, if the children are supported financially and emotionally well by yourself there shouldn't be too much of issue.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but some people just make me so angry...

Hi sweetheart,

No I don't think what he is doing is fair but it may be a blessing in disguise!

My sister was in a similar situation but she was the one who decided she would put "father unknown" on the birth certificate because he was abusive to her...

As I found out even if the father couldn't give 2 hoots about the child, if he is named as the father on the birth certificate you have to ask him permission for EVERYTHING... If your child wants to go on a school camp, if you want to take them on a holiday interstate, if you want to get them a passport, etc, etc. And if he says "No" well that's that... I couldn't believe this stuff when I heard it, so just be careful, he doesn't sound like the nicest guy so he could decide to make your life (and your child's) very difficult in the future just for the fun of it!

And the perk is you get a bit more $ from the government if you work it that way, and probably a bit easier for you because you won't have to worry about getting child support from him anyway. It also means you can decide if he can see your child or not... If he is named as the father you cannot stop his access to your child (as somebody else said - even if he is a drug addict)

I know it may be a difficult conversation to have with your little angel in the future, but it wasn't your decision it was his, you cannot change his feelings... But would you really want him to pretend anyway?

If he doesn't care for this baby perhaps it is better to have 1 parent who will love him/her unconditionally than 2, of which one would damage and hurt them?

God it just makes me so mad, how could somebody not want to love and cherish their baby with everything in their being?

Anyway I hope I have given you another perspective? I believe everything happens for a reason!

hi i personally would let it all go forget about him altogether when your son askes questions later tell him the truth and not say anything bad about the father that way it will be matt that has to pay for his stupidity later and not you. as long as your son has you and knows you love him that is all he needs.and good on you for haveing a career and being a single mum i know it can be hard but the feeling you get know that you have gotten were you are by yourself and with raiseing a child is so great and worth the struggles you go through to get there congratulations and honestly the best thing you can do to get at your sons father is to succed in life and raise a wonderfull man from the beautifull son you have.
good luck for the future, you should be very proud of your self

i know that if you are scared that ur ex will take custody of ur son, and then give him to the grand parents, you can go to the lcal court (or family court), the clerk there, and say you want a custody order for the reasons u r scared that he will take him away etc....
as for the test... i dont know what to say there..

Hi all,

Have made the decision to not persue contact from my sons Dad. I think this is for the best as then there is no threat to myself or DS from Him or his parents. It is a long hard road that i have chosen but definately the best. Ive now realised that i can raise MY son in MY way and not have to worry about custody issues. Etc.

The only thing that gets me down is thinking about the day that he does ask for his father. I have a few pics but this still doesnt seem like enough to give him. The other difficult thing is not having someone to back me up in regards to discipline. I have no-one to help me on days when i feel like the worst mother in the world and i worry myself constantly as to whether im doing the right thing (feeding, daycare, studying, work)

All in all, things work out for the best dont they!

Belinda

Hey there,
sounds to me like he is actually trying to pretect you from fighting his parents for the right to your child. just remember if he wants to take off that this is your child and you are the one to raise it, they have to remeber they are grandparents and it would have to have a dam good reason for a judge to give them custody. try not to stress to much, be happy for you and your unborn child and put whatever you like on the birth certificate, whatever would make you happy.