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  5. my mother and husband are driving me crazy!!!

my mother and husband are driving me crazy!!! Lock Rss

I am pretty sure there are a few out there in the same prediciment as i am. My mum and my husband dont like each other very much at all lately, they are constantly bikering to me about each other, especialy if we have been around to my parents and either my husband or my mother has said something that one or the other dont agree on. i cop it in the car on the way home from my husband or my mum rings and complains about my husbands attitude towards her when i get home.

I am pretty sure they dont really like each other as they have told me as much, and it makes things really difficult when i try to get my mum involved in baby planning because my husband then thinks i am taking things away from him or if i try to get mum to understand that there are things my hubby and i wanna do on our own she thinks he is mannipulating me into making her miss out on things grrrr. i have no idea what to do about these two, i really want to put them in a boxing ring and let them fight it out once and for all but i know if i tell them to talk about it, things will get nasty especialy my husband, although my mum has been known to do the same.

Our baby is due in 9 weeks or less and i want my mum to be there in the birthing room with me but my husband doesnt want her there, he says if she goes, he is getting his mum to come to (how childish is he being) i love his mum but i do not want her there when i am having this baby both of our mothers were there last time and there was nothing but complaining about what the other said or the way one acted. why does it have to be sooooooo hard!!!

there is much more i could say lol but lets face it, if i dont stop now you guys will be here forever reading this lol...

going crazy!!!

Mummy of 2 beautiful girls, Paige & Brianna

Hi Heather,

I am not going to say what i know what it is like to have a hubby and mum fight as im a single mum but i can relate to your drama about who to have in the room when you give birth.

My advice is that it will be up to you to decide. YOU choose who you want in the room and tell them that it means a lot to your hubby that your mum is in the room. Ask him to be suportive of your decision.

When i gave birth to my daughter in January, as a single mum i had to decide which of my family, my sister, brothers, mum, dad, step mum all wanted to be there. I told everyone it would def be mum and whoever else could if they wanted but ONLY if they were supportive of the others being there. It ended up being my mum and my sister as the others didn't make it in time(quick labour)/were away interstate (i was a few days early)

Try to explain how you feel to both of them. If they are at loggerheads then tell them to get used to it as it is YOU who is giving birth, not your hubby or your mum. Tell his mum how you felt last time she was there and that you don't want the same problem again.

Maybe you should tell them to jump into a boxing ring so to speak and have it out. That would elimate the he said she said part...

Well this is my advice anyway. And is what i would do in the situation if it were me.

Hope you sort it out and it goes smoothly for you. Remember YOU are the one who is giving birth!!

Take care and Good luck!

DD#1 - 3.7yrs, DD#2 -20mnths, DD#3 is here! 21.08.

hey. my situation isnt quite this complicated. although they dont really know eachother too well, my DF gets along ok with my mum. although he didnt want her there for the birth. we had a few big arguments over this and i ended up telling him that she's going to be there whether he likes it or not and if that means he isnt going to be there then its his loss - not mine. his mother also explained to him that im prolly going to be in labour for many hours and he AND i will both need the extra support.

His main reason was that he thought my mum would want to take over the whole thing and he will be left out of it all... i told him that my mum isnt like that, cos she's not... he's sotra come to terms with it now. mum lives about 2.5 hours away so i think he's kinda hoping it will be a qucik labour...

As for your MIL coming into the birth. you dont have to have anyone in there that yuo dont want in there. tell the midwifes that only YOUR mum and husband can come in. after all, its you, not them that pushing the baby out.

Its YOUR way or the highway!

Harley's Mum - April 2006

Hi heatherbell,
I have to tell you that I am in the same predicament with my DH and DM. I have found it to be quite draining and hate being the person in the middle trying to make things flow when visiting. When it came down to the having my babies it was just my husband in the room with me cause I didn't need any other stresses.
I hope everything works for you come the time of your precious baby's arrival.
Hi

i'm not sure if you are still in this situation or not but i know it can be hard if your hubby and your mum don't get along luckily i don't have that problem.

i think that your hubby should have a say in who should be there aswell don't take that the wrong way i know you are the one giving birth but this is something very special for both you and hubby watching your child come into the world and maybe he feels a bit threatned that with your mum being there that something is being taken away from him that maybe he is not good enough to be supporting you by himself. have you discussed with him why he doesn't want your mother there?

with the birth our our daughter it was just me and hubby and the medical staff ofcourse we discussed that we did not want anyone else becuase this was something we both felt was just for us

sorry to go on so long just trying to give another opinion

although i agree that him saying that if your mum goes in so does his is pretty childish

good luck if you havn't made your decision yet

Jess 2005, Steph 2006, Chris 2008 and Olly 2009

Hi Heather,

It might be better for your sanity if it was just your Husband in with you. From what you have said I would find the tension (even if they were civil to eachother you would still sense it) so stressful that I would find it hard to relax enough to be active in my labour.

With my DD birth it was meant to be my DH and my mum with me but my MIL decided she wasn't missing out and invited herself along (she works at the hospital so just barged in and bossed the midwife and dr around - the reason I didn't want her there). It was a pain as she kept saying things that would terrify my mum and my DH we ended up asking them to wait in the hallway till it was over. This time it will just be my hubby and me.

I hope it all works out and that you get an enjoyable experience.

Leah

Leah, NZ, Izzy 07/01/05 & #2 EDD 13/12/06

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