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If he refuses to be a father now, maybe he doesn't want to be a father at all?? Lock Rss

Hi Amber,

Sorry to hear about your horrible day.

Don't worry about what Bodie says about his parents until you speak to them yourself. They may want to share in Aidan's life but are standing by their son. Bodie is hurting so many people. I wonder if he realises this. You have shown how strong you are and you will get through this. Leave all your worries behind and get on with your life with Aidan and your loved ones. Just keep reminding yourself that it's their loss and they will regret it one day and it will be sucko to them. Don't let them bring you down. You are better than that.

Keep your chin up and be happy. Go and eat a big block of chocolate. It always makes me feel better. Take care.

Jenni, mum of Shanaye born 13-11-2004.

Hi everyone,

It's been a very long, sad few days for us.

On Friday morning, my grandmother had another stroke. Later that same morning, she drifted off to sleep, and passed away. Mum & Dad were with her, and they both said it was v.peaceful.

So as you can imagine, its been all go .... my 2 sisters in Melbourne were home in NZ by Sunday night; a bittersweet visit for my youngest sister as she has now met Aidan (whom she wasn't going to get to meet until my sister's wedding in Feb). The funeral was this morning, and it was a small, simple, peaceful service. Nana would have been happy with that.

No other news at this stage from the laywers. He has sent off Aidan's birth certificate papers to Bodie to sign. The letter he wrote to Bodie was a great letter - v.persuasive, v.friendly and hopefully, Bodie will do this one last thing for Aidan. So, that's all I'm waiting on. I've decidied I won't speak to Bodie's grandmother - unless she approaches me. I was meant to go into her office on Friday, but cancelled due to Nana dying, so rearranged my appt for this Friday morning. I really just feel that I cant' be bothered - as sad as I am for my son, the more I realise that I am so tired. I have spent his whole life so far, fighting for him, so now I just want to move on and start my life with my beautiful son. I've passed on to Bodie that I accept his wishes - and that I do not want to ever see him again (kinda hard to do that forever in a small town, but we've done really well so far wink )

I will tell Aidan about his family of course, when he is older, and I have kept all the documents so that he will know what went on. I won't ever be negative about Bodie & his family towards Aidan, as I will totally support him if he does decide to contact them all in the future. It will be totally his decision.

So, it is nearly the end, thankfully, and it is time for a fresh start and a new beginning. It's times like these it makes you realise just how short life is, how fast time flies, and just how much family means to all of us. I'm going to enjoy the rest of this week with all of my sisters, and my parents, before they head home again - and I am sure Aidan will too.

Hope all is well with you all,

Will write again soon .... xxxx

Ambs smile

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)


Typo!!! It's Bodie's MOTHER I was going to see, not his grandmother ..... duh!!! LOL :$

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

Hi girls!
Well, I'm back in the land of normality now LOL ... this last week certainly has been a very emotional one, as well as a busy one.
We had Nana's funeral service on Tuesday morning, and we got the good news on Thursday that we can bury her ashes at the soldiers' cemetery with Grandad. Dad was really stoked, so we're planning the interment for when we all gather again for my sister's wedding.
Anyway, Friday turned out to be a good day ... I went into town to my appt at Social Welfare, and didn't take Aidan with me, thinking that it wouldn't be a good idea to take him in considering the situation .... or so I thought.
When I got there, my case manager, Sarah says to me, "Where's Aidan?" and I told her that my mum and sisters were babysitting. She said "Oh that's a shame, Karen (Bodie's mum) was saying she was so looking forward to seeing Aidan today." Confused????? Yes. So was I!!
To cut a long story short, I passed Bodie's mum on the way out, as she was at the reception desk, and I said hi, being the polite young woman that I am She pulled me to one side, asking after Aidan, and then she's dragging me off to her locker before I know it, showing me photos of Aidan's brother and cousins. I asked her if she had spoken to Bodie, and she said she had had a phone call from him ... apparently he told her that there were more forms in the mail, and they were going in the wheelie bin, cya. (those forms were Aidan's birth cert forms to add the father's details on).
Anyhoo ... I showed her Bodie's note and she said that he had got it wrong. She meant to say that I couldn't contact her at work as its a govt dept, and they frown upon personal emails etc .... but she and her husband DID want to see Aidan, and get to know him. I was so confused!!! I told her that I had thought it was all so bizarre, and was relieved at the same time. So I will be getting in touch with her this week, and her and her husband are coming to see their grandson. I told her that I accept Bodie's decision not to be involved, but he will always be Aidan's dad, no matter who I end up with etc ... but that I also wanted to avoid contact with him for now, so I can move on with things. I told her that he has treated me like s**t and how tough my year's been, and I didn't want to see him again for awhile, if possible. She was fine with it, and said that her son has been known to treat his gf's like that ... I wasn't the first!!
We talked for ages, and I filled in a few gaps for her as it appears that Bodie hasn't told her and her husband absolutely everything. There's still more to sort out, but the main thing is that Aidan has his family back, and it looks as if he WILL get to know his cousins, aunt and uncles, and eventually meet his brother (who was up here last weekend on holiday). They look so much alike, but Riley (who is coming up 3) is blonder. He's just as beautiful as Aidan, and they certainly both have their dad's looks.
Aidan's birth certificate papers I sent Bodie have ended up in the rubbish, but although I'm disappointed, I guess I can always try again in the future, as Bodie can be added on anytime. But at least I have the proof from the paternity test, and I told Karen I will keep everything for Aidan to see when he is old enough, and even though I will not paint Bodie as the bad guy, I will leave it totally up to Aidan if he does want to see his dad at some stage - which looks now to be a slim possiblilty.
Sorry about the length in the end (!!) but was just so relieved and happy for Aidan that is HAS all worked out. Good things DO come to those who wait - yay!! Finally, some good Karma coming my way.

Hope all is well with everyone ... have missed you all. Will keep you all posted my friends!! xxx

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

Yay Amber! I'm so pleased for you and Aidan! It's about time you got some good luck come your way!
Hey, about the birth cert, does Bodie even need to sign the papers if you have the paternity test? I had this random idea from somewhere that if the paternity test was positive then that's enough to have the father added to the BC with or without his consent? Not sure.
Anyway, congrats!
Emma and Maya

Mum to Maya Grace 02-03, Sienna & Mercedes 10-06

Interesting point Em, I might run that by my lawyer and see if that's true.
I know everything about Bodie that needs to go on the BC ( although not 100% sure about his place of birth but I THINK he was born here - NP)
Either way, it doesn't really matter right now, but I hope Bodie will change his mind when Aidan is older. I guess that's one good thing about this is that Bodie can sign the papers and be added on at anytime.

Hugs to Maya, great to have you back in NZ!! LOL Have you managed to catch up on Shorty??? We shall discuss this further I am sure LOL

Have a great day, cya soon!!

Ambs xxx smile

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

Yes, Shorty is interesting... Glad that whining Delphi is gone, now they just need to get rid of scheming Dom...
Anyways, I digress...
I was filling in the Child Support papers for Miss Maya this morning (yes, I know she is nearly 2 but IRD still haven't got their act together on that one!), and there is a box about paternity testing. says something like, if the father is not listed on the BC then have you had paternity testing done. Maybe you can get CS out of Bodie?
Dunno, but worth a shot!
Willie will be spewing that they've finally caught up with him for Maya - he's just stopped paying coz his son is now 19, and now he has to start all over again for another 19 years! HAHAHAHA!

Mum to Maya Grace 02-03, Sienna & Mercedes 10-06

ive lost ur name on msn......can u send me ur addy again and i hope u get this real soon, and ive been kicked out off the OHG,.......tell u later but got have agirly chat sis has been rushed to hospital.......shes 35 weeks, shes comming down with what i had..
amber please......

karen,NSW, mummy to Caitlin Born 14 weeks early


Congratulations on all your victory's over the last 12 months!
I have a similar story to you and as sad as it is sometimes its for the best. I made the decision to leave my sons biological father off the BC as it can be more advantagous for the mother if its not there. For example: You can apply for a passport to take Aiden out of the country and you dont have to get the fathers permission.
My son's father doesnt pay CS as he dodges the system, so if you dont get anything from him, sometimes it best to let it go. I still fight with them for money when I get mad about it (which he hasnt paid on 4 years) and they cant make him pay. So my Husband is going to Adopt my son and then I wont have to get money from him ever again. His father cant wait to have him out of his life.
Its not the end of the world not to have his name on the BC and why would you want to give him that privilage anyway. He is YOUR baby boy, not his. He is merly the sperm donor.
Anyone can be a father, but it takes somone special to be a Daddy!
I hope you soon meet a nice guy who will give you and your baby boy the love you deserve.
Take Care and stay strong!

2 adorable boys Taylor 08/08/97 & Ashton 16/07/04

Hey Tasha!
Thanks for the support, kind words and thank you for reading! I'm really glad things are going fabulous for you! Sounds like you've had your own battles in the past!
Well, Bodie refused to sign the BC anyway, even thought he signed a "consent memorandum" stating that he is in fact Aidan's father. I'm not concerned about the BC at the moment, as the CM is all I need for now. (Plus I have kept the results from the DNA test reults also). I do plan on asking Bodie again in the future to sign Aidan's BC, but it will be when the time is right, and the situation has hopefully improved (and Bodie has grown some balls, and finally grown up wink )
If things go well in the future for Aidan, with his paternal family, it seems to be the decent thing to do - for Aidan's self-esteem, and security. He has both our family names anyway - his middle name is his father's surname. So even if I were to marry in the future, he still has his dad's name, and he can keep my maiden name, or adopt my married name. So many options LOL
We had a morning out at the park last week, and Aidan met Bodie's older sister, her 2 girls, (aged 4 & 7 I think) Bodie's #1 brother's fiance (aunty-to-be) and Bodie's #1 brother's son (aged 9), AND, Bodie's #2 brother's son (aged 4).
(Bode has 2 older brothers by the way LOL)
The kids just adored Aidan, but unfortunately, Aidan couldn't play with them - you could soooo tell he wanted to though! It's great that he has some boys to run around after when he's older, it looks like the eldest cousin might be a good role model for Aidan.
I felt kind of wierd at first, and felt a little left out, as it was Bodie's family, and I'm an ex - you know? But after a little bit, I relaxed, and just enjoyed the fact that Aidan was getting on with his family, and they absolutely adored him. I was a bit wary about meeting some of the family, as I was worried I'd be judged or something, but I couldn't have been more wrong!!
Aidan hasn't met his 2 uncles yet, or his grandfather, but we have plenty of time. He will meet his brother eventually too - Riley has had holidays up here in the past with Bodie's parents, so I'm guessing that the boys will meet on the next visit.

Anyways, have prattled on enough now LOL. Aidan is doing fantastically - 8.5mths old now, and beautiful!

Lots of hugs to you all,
Ambs xxxx

PS: There is a "Special Someone" by the way LOL
It's going slowly, but surely wink

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

Hard to believe that almost a year ago today, a darling wee boy entered this world - EVENTUALLY I might add!! LOL This time, exactly 1 year ago I had been induced, and the waiting game had begun .... 70 hours later, Aidan was born on the 10th of March 2004 at 5.57pm by c-section. You all have been here for most of his journey - the latter part of my pregnancy, and most of his life so far. How cool is that!

Well, time for an update ...

Aidan is about to turn 1!

And he is just beautiful. He is blonde, (looks nothing like me, I am dark) and he has blue eyes, and the most beautiful smile. He has little girls falling over him, and big girls too!! LOL
He has just been the most amazing baby - motherhood has been wonderful so far. He started crawling at 10mths, and pulled himself up to stand that same day. 2 weeks ago, he took his first steps. His favourite words is "car" and "go". He has 2 bottom front teeth, and 4 top teeth which are currently cutting. But, he's still sleeping thru the nights! He is an absolute joy!

Things with his paternal family aren't happening - they dont want to see him till he's older. They had this silly idea that I still "hated" Bodie, but in reality, (as I later explained to the mother), I have no animosity towards him, and it is water under the bridge as far as Im concerned. Life is way to short to hold a grudge. However, I wont completely forgive him till I get an apology over the way Aidan and I have been treated. So, Aidan's family don't see him, but being the nice person that I am, I send them photos and regular updates, so that when they do decide to see him, Aidan won't be a complete stranger to them.
Bodie is paying child support now - he back-payed the outstanding amount (from the time I originally applied) and have had no complaints. I think that's a positive thing - he has taken a form of responsibility for his son. Yay!!
My family, absolutely adore Aidan - this child could not have asked for more love! To make things even better, I now have 2 sisters back home (one with her new husband) so Aidan has an uncle to hang out with as well. My youngest (and 3rd sister) and her parnter are moving back to NZ next January. Yay!!
I'm doing great! I have just completed an Economics paper - so 4 down, 12 to go towards my Dip. of Business. Have yet to get my results back, but I think I did ok overall. I have been seeing a nice fella, but we're just going slow, hanging out as friends, getting to know each other. This way no one is getting hurt and there are no demands on anyone etc ... and he loves Aidan. It's very early days, and Im not sure if he's the one yet, guess that's the beauty of being good mates with someone first. We did start dating to start off with, but we both backed off. I think I prefer it this way. I have a few other "things" to sort out with someone else (not Bodie, someone else). That will pretty much determine what the future holds. Whichever way the mop flops!
But, in closing, things couldnt be greater, and Aidan and I are both very happy together. Life is pretty damn sweet smile

Hope all has been well with you all and your kidlets!!

Love Ambs xx

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

hi Amber,
I know I haven't had anythng to say for a while but I have been keeping track on how you and Aidan are going.
Congrats on all your achievements over the last 12 months. It does get easier. A couple of years ago I was exactly how you are now - along with the other half of the world!
You're doing an excellent job! Make sure you always do whats best for you and Aidan, especially when Bodie realises what he's let go, and comes back wanting a part of it. You have the right to make the decisions not him.
Again, congrats,and happy birthday Aidan - boy doesn't time fly!
All the best

Sheree, mum to 2 plus 1 on the way (dd 31-5-06)

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