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If he refuses to be a father now, maybe he doesn't want to be a father at all?? Lock Rss

Thanks Jenni-Lea

I'm sure there will be an explanation why they haven't been in touch yet. I'll find out what it is next Friday.
I've got a funny feeling that Bodie has something to do it. Don't ask me why, but it's a really strong gut feeling I have got. He's done it before, so I wouldn't be surprised. I really don't have much faith left in him at the moment ... yet at the same time I think, he'll start taking responsibility now. Grrrrrrr men!!!!!! LOL
My lawyer still hasnt got back to me yet. It's getting frustrating because I want to get the custody sorted out and under way.
I'm going to approach Bodie soon about Aidan's child support - I plan on giving Bodie a choice about what to do. He originally wanted a private child support arrangement between us, which I had agreed to. I'm going to offer that choice to him first, but tell him that he has to sign a contract, and that we would review the amount every year ... seeing as Aidan will eventually go to daycare etc. And I plan on asking him to visit Aidan on his birthday and at Christmas. Its not a big ask, and I do hope he will agree to it. Bodie isnt interested in being a dad ... but what is 2 days out of the year? I'd be happy with that. As Aidan gets older, who knows, we could increase the visits.
If Bodie isnt interested in a private arrangement then I will go through the tax dept, and not bother with the rest. I do plan on sending Bodie photos of Aidan's progress tho ... we HAD agreed on that at least anyway.
The only thing I'm not sure of is the custody procedures. I know that it will go thru the court etc ... but I'm not sure how the judge will see it. Ive been told by a friend that the judges here are very pro-family, so it is possible that they may not buy Bodie's excuse of not wanting to be a father etc ... and force him into fortnightly visitation with Aidan. I'm not sure he'll like that. I always promised Bodie that if there was a slight hint of him showing interest in Aidan, then we would do it at his pace, and I wouldn't force it on him. But the Family Courts may see it differently. That would be a good thing, as every child needs their father, but I just hope that if they do see it that way, then Bodie will be positive about it. I cant have anything negative around Aidan ... he has had a positive upbringing so far, and is thriving.
I hope it's all over soon, so I can really get on with raising Aidan properly, and also, so I can get on with my life without Bodie. That's been the worst thing about all this, is that I haven't been able to move on from him properly ... but I'm slowly getting there, I'm happy to say! Slowly, but surely.
Yay me!!
Well, thats my offload for the month LOL ... thanks for listening, and being there!! I've been really naughty tonight ... totally pigged out on an amazing Sarah Lee chocolate dessert with chocolate sauce!!!! Yummmmmm!!!!!!!!! I feel sooooo much better now!! wink


I'll keep you updated on developments.
Take care my dear friends smile


Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

Hiya!

Just thought I'd update you on Aidan! His vocabularly is extending LOL.
His first word was 'dada", then last week he said "car". He's trying really hard to say "hi" and now, today he said "bubba" and I am happy to say, he is slowly getting the hang of his mm's and he is now trying to say "mama". He is chatting away all the time, and I'm now noticing all sorts of new sounds smile

It's v.cute, and I love watching him grow up! He'll be 7 months old next week! How fast has that gone!! I went back over Aidan's baby photos the other day, and memories of him as a brand new baby came flooding back. Got a bit teary, as well; I feel sad that he's not my brand new baby anymore, but I am so excited and proud to watch him grow up into a lovely little boy. I can't wait for what's to come. No matter what tho, he'll always be my baby LOL

Hope all is well with everyone smile

Love Ambs & Aidan xxx

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

Aidan sounds so cute Amber and I found myself thinking "I can't wait till Ryan talks."

I often find myself saying I can't wait till Ryan does this or that but a friend said don't wish his time away cause before you know it he'll be going for his licence and you'll be saying 'What happened to my baby?' Reading your post and saying 'where is my brand new baby.' just reminded me again to just enjoy Ryan right now as he is cause in a blink of an eye he will be all grown up ... here's to hoping they will still be their mummy's boys when grown up smile

Ryan (2) & Jayden (18mths)

My lawyer got in touch yesterday ... he had to ring Bodie on Friday to see what the go was, and Bodie said that he would call back on Monday - which he didn't, so my lawyer had to ring him again and Bodie said that he would sign the papers (he still hadn't signed them).
I have no idea why he's taken so long, but this is Bodie we're talking about. My lawyer is expecting the papers in the mail any day. Has told the judge to adjourn for another fortnight. At least everything will be back on track again!! Still have to go thru the custody stuff, and I still plan to get in touch with Bodie soon anyway to talk to him about Aidan's child support. That WILL be interesting!! But as long as everyone is nice and civil, it shall all be fine, I'm sure.
It's Bodie's 23rd birthday today .... thought of him all day - was tempted to contact him, but in the end, left it unmarked, seeing as Aidan doesn't have a clue about birthdays and Xmas yet. Next year, I will make the effort for Aidan (who will be talking by then so can talk to his daddy himself LOL).

Love Ambs xxxxx

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

We're off to the lawyers tomorrow to sign the papers. My lawyer got them in the mail today which is good, but I'm really sad for Aidan because Bodie included a letter saying he wants nothing more to do with us. I can handle him cutting me off, (and it means now that I can really move on) but I look at Aidan and just feel so sad that Bodie is cutting him off. Makes me want to cry you know? Aidan is a beautiful, happy little boy, who doesn't have his father to share in his growing up. Oh well, at the end of the day it's better this way, I guess.
Onlything left to do is get Bodie's details on Aidan's birth certificate then thats it. I wont bother filing for custody now, especially since Bodie wont be changing his mind about Aidan anytime soon. But I also have the child support papers here for the tax dept, so bugger if Im going to let Bodie get away scot free!! Then it will be over.
I've got a wonderful life to look forward to with my son, but I will always be sad that he doesn't have his dad.

PS: I will find out for certain if Bodie's decision includes the rest of his family. I'm going to see his mum on Friday.

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

oh Amber sweetie!!
I'm so terribly sorry!!!! Its so frustrating aye, all i can do is send you both huge hugs and hope that one day he wakes up and takes responsibility.

You are an awesome mother and aidan is so so lucky to have you in his life, just concentrate on him and remember that if bodie is going to be like that, aidan is so much better off without him.

big hugs to you both!!!
Love Amanda
Hi Amber,
I just wanted to let you know that after reading everything you have done for your son you definatly are such a strong person. You have given your son the thing that matters the most LOVE and through all of this you have remembered that that is the most important thing he needs. I hope your ex realises soon what an amazing part of his life he is missing out on HIS son!!! I really hope things turnt out well for you and you should be proud of yourself for everything you have done. You are a great mummy!!!!!

Michelle, WA, Rhylee 15 months bubs due sep!!!

I feel like having a good cry.

I can deal with Bodi wanting to cut me off - fine. But what has Aidan done? When I read that in my lawyer's email today, I just went cold & numb. Then, later, I was watching Aidan play, and he was so happy, and chatting away to himself, having a great time, being so innocent.
Why Aidan, why us??? I really though Bodie could deal with this better, and maybe even agree to seeing Aidan every now and then, even if it was just birthdays and Christmas, but this is really harsh, really cold & heartless, and cruel.
Also, because of the fact that I haven't heard from Bodie's family either, I have a really terrible feeling that they have decided not to see Aidan either. If I find out that Bodie has influenced their decision, I'll be heartbroken. They are grown people, in their 50's, surely they can stand up to their son and tell him "well that's your decision but this is what we want." At least I'll find out for sure come this Friday when I go and see Bodie's mum.

Mum says not to waste my breath, and when Bodie finally grows up one day, he may very well regret what he's done to Aidan, myself, and also regret seeing what he's missed out on. I feel really sad right now, but I'll tell you one thing. I will do my damdest to bring Aidan up right, with lots of love and laughter.
He has a lot of positive people in his life, and plenty of other positive male influences so Aidan will definitely benefit from that. Plus, he has a mum who loves him more than anything in the world, who feels blessed as every day goes by that he is here with me. I have said in the past, I will always love Bodie for giving me the chance I thought I would never have, to be a mum; but he's really gone and done it this time. And its not just me he's hurt, it's my family, his family, and ultimately, it will be Aidan that he hurts one day.
Sorry for being such a wet blanket, but I just feel so sad for Aidan. Mum also said that hopefully, one day, I will meet someone, who will become my partner in life, and it will be someone who will love Aidan just as much as we do, and Aidan will look up to, and call dad, and love him too. When I think about that, then it doesn't feel so bad after all.

But still .... Bodie and Aidan will never get this time back that they are losing with each passing day. By the time Bodie grows up and realises this, it might be to late.

PS:
Thanks so much for the kind words of love and support, it does mean a lot to me. I'm also continuing with the custody of Aidan. Mum and I had a good talk this afternoon and she has convinced me that is IS something we need to do to keep Aidan safe with us. You never know I guess, Bodie could change his mind one day, and if I don't have the power to stop him, or his family, I could lose my son. So with that in mind, I'm still going ahead with the custody proceedings AND Im filing for child support with the tax dept. Bugger Bodie. Damned if I'm going to let him get away with responsibility scot free.

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

Hi Amber,

Sorry to hear how things are going for you. It's Bodies loss and one day he will figure out what he's missed out on. Keep your chin up. Aidan is so lucky to have a mummy like you. I agree with you and think you should still go for custody to save you from heartache in the future. These males can't seem to accept responsibility for their actions. I know coz i'm going through it too. I have 4 weeks till my little girl is born. I'm going for custody as soon as i can.
I've had some worries lately with bubs. Doctors kept telling me shes too small and not moving enough so i've spent the past 2 days being monitored at day assessment. After an ultrasound i found out she is ok. She weighs 2.7 kilos which is average. I've had many sleepless nights with worry. Thankfully everything is ok. It's getting close now and i'm expecting to hear from her dad soon. He wants to get her from me but that won't happen. I'll make sure of that. It's all very scary.
Anyway, enough about me. I have alot of empathy for you my friend. If you ever need someone to talk to i'm always here for you. My email address is jenni-lea@optusnet.com.au Feel free to contact me anytime. Stay strong and keep your chin up. You and Aidan will be just fine without Bodie. You have all the love in you that Aidan needs and like i said before, he is very lucky to have a mum like you.

Take care of yourself and keep the faith.

Jenni, mum of Shanaye born 13-11-2004.

Hey Amber,

I know it hurts. I look at Ezrah's dad and think of how much Ezrah changed my life and how he was his chance of becoming a better person too. But he chose not to. Rather than be involved with this brand new incredible person he would rather stuff his body with drugs and alcohol and surround himself with people who don't really care. And it remains that way. Ezrah is nearly 15 months old and he has recieved a cookie jar and a plastic lawn mower from his father. Big deal. Then the guy has the guts to walk around there sobbing on father's day saying how sad it is that he misses out.

It's his choice! I get so angry, and scared for Ezrah in the future. How will he feel when he decides he wants to meet this man and sees him and what sort of person he is? How do I prepare him for this? How do I explain to him that his father knows the door has always been open to him?

I am glad he's not on Ezrah's birth certificate. I gave him that opportunity and the form he sent back was in disgusting condition, scrunched up, spat on, ripped up and with false information. I refused to send that in in that condition. I figured it once again showed his lack of respect for us both.

Over here they give fathers access regardless of how long it takes them to decide they want it. So if Ezrah is 10 and his father decides he wants to see him, he will most likely be given some sort of access.

It is all very frightening. We do whatever we can to protect our child but how do you protect their little hearts? My boy is so loving and clever. People approach him in the shops, men and women alike. He is beautiful (and I am biased). It hurts so much to think that his father can turn his back on him now, only to come back later and do whatever damage.

I truly believe you are better off with things one way or the other rather than forced contact or inconsistency. Amber you have done your utmost to give Bodie access. That is all you can do. Take the opportunity to make your life with Aidan and move forward. When Aidan is old enough to make his choices, help him in any way but I'd say leave it up to him.

Good luck Amber, my thoughs are with you.
My day today was terrible. I signed the papers, and read what Bodie wrote. Not only does he want to cut Aidan & I off completely, but he also wanted to inform us that his parents do not want to have anything to do with us either. That was not what I was expecting. I'm just gutted. And I just can't understand why they changed their minds? 2-3 months ago, they were saying they would be more than happy to have Aidan be a part of their family. So what has changed? I just don't know what I will say to Bodie's mum tomorrow; I'm at a loss for words. I hit rock bottom.

And, a couple of hours later, I was told that my 90 year old grandmother had a stroke this morning.

So now, there is rock bottom, 50 feet of crap, then me. It's not been a good day. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

Hi Amber

I have been following your posts and I am sorry you have had such a horrible day. Just remember you are a great mum and Aidan is lucky to have a mum who loves him so much!

Chin up!
Angie

Angie, QLD, ds 2.5yrs & dd 6 months

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