Huggies Forum

  1. home
  2. Baby Forum
  3. Pregnancy & Birth
  4. Pregnancy & Relationships
  5. If he refuses to be a father now, maybe he doesn't want to be a father at all??

If he refuses to be a father now, maybe he doesn't want to be a father at all?? Lock Rss

This post has been edited by the moderator.


Hiya!
Well, had a good visit with my lawyer yesterday. First step is to establish paternity, then I can apply for full custody of Aidan.
My ex will get a letter this week coming from my lawyer asking him to acknowledge that he is Aidan's father. The lawyer will send a form for Bodie to sign. If Bodie refuses to sign that, then he'll get a court order to take a DNA test etc ....
I hope it doesn't get that far. I have my fingers crossed that Bodie will get the first letter and sign it. He knows I don't want to go to court, and he doesn't either, so this could be what it takes for him to do what I've been asking for.
I feel heaps better now that I'm doing this - I'm really not one for leaving things unresolved, esp a situation like mine. I think there would have been a lot of regrets - not just from me, but from my ex, and his family. As long as he is not acknowledging Aidan, his parents can't see their grandson. Also I'd hate Aidan to go through all this when he is older and able to understand what has been going on.
I'm a bit nervous at the same time because I know how Bodie is going to react (again) but as I said, I hope that he does as we ask, and signs the letter that my lawyer will send him. I'm expecting a phonecall or a visit from him (or even his girlfriend - who quite frankly should not be involved in this). So, as you can imagine, I'll be treading eggshells this coming week. At least I'll get to see the letter that the lawyer will send to my ex.
Wish me luck!! Will let you know how we get on.
Hope all is well with you and your little ones!! Take care smile

PS: Aidan is doing beautifully - is becoming such a handsome little man. He is v.happy, cruisy, and so placid. Has started "talking" (cooing) and is now trying v.v.hard to get his first giggle/laugh out!!! He's an absolute delight!!!

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

Hiya!
Just a v.quick update ... the letter has officially gone out, and my ex would have received it today. He has 10 days to sign the deed of acknowledgement. If he doesn't do that, and doesn't get in touch with my lawyer by the end of the 10 days, then we go to court. Lets hope it doesn't come to that.
Wish me luck girls!! I'll let you know how it goes.
Aidan is growing more gorgeous by the day!! I'm having a lot of fun with him now!!
Hope all is well with you and your little ones smile

Ambs xxxx

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

Amber

I have been following your story.

I just want to say Good Luck with your ex and enjoy your beautiful baby boy he is such a looser if he doesn't want to know his son & you are better off without him.

Keep in Touch with us all


Bec
Well, I haven't heard anything from my ex or my lawyer, and time is a-ticking away. Next Friday is the deadline for my ex. I've been treading eggshells all week, but have told myself that I'm doing the right thing for Aidan. I'm feeling really good about things.

Speaking of my little man, he's good. He's 3 months old next week. He's starting to get a little grizzly, and he's dribbling a lot, and wanting to chew stuff, so I'm guessing his first tooth might be on its way?? He's sleeping really well, and I think its nearly time to graduate to his cot. (He's getting bigger and the bassinet is getting smaller LOL)!!

Thanks Bec my friend, for all your kind thoughts. And to all the other mums who have contributed to this post. I have appreciated all your kind words of support, encouragement, & advice.
Tanith?? How are you?? How are things going with your ex's parents?? Are you still all on for August?? Hope all is going well with you.

You have all helped make this a great place to visit, and I like to think that I've made some great friends thru here. I look forward to many more 'chats' with you all.

Love to you all and your little ones,

Ambs smile


Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

Hi Amber, I am still regularly checking on your story. I have actually taken inspiration from you and I rang my ex's parents. We were only communicating by mail by there's so much you can read into things that way so I took the bull by the horns.

They are coming up in August and I have agreed to meet them. I figure this is my opportunity to establish a relationship between them, Ezrah and me that is seperate from my ex. I know he tells them horrible things about me but hopefully they'll see for themselves what the truth is, what reason do I have to lie?

Ezrah is fantastic - a handful but I wouldn't have him any other way. His first 'word' is Grandad. He doesn't say it perfect but it's close to 'dad' and he only uses it when his grandad is around or he can see a photo. I am very lucky that My father and brother dote on him so much.

You keep your chin up Amber. All things happen for a reason and often the things that start the worst teach us the greatest lessons. Just listen to your heart and your won't get it wrong.

Hi!
Well, I got word from my lawyer today. He received a letter from my ex in the mail, and surprise surprise (not)!! He's still refusing to sign the papers, and co-operate. So, we have no option but to do it the hard way.
My lawyer is going to get the papers together, and I'm going in to sign them this week. I'm ok about everything, and would rather this all be done now while Aidan is too young to understand what is going on, but to have to put him through this nevertheless saddens me. I'm angry at Bodie for putting him through this, but if this is the road he wants to take, then bring it on I say!
We will get there in the end, and the end of the tunnel is nearing, we just have to do it the long way!
Aidan is doing great, and I'm v.sure he's teething. He has a good long cry at least once or twice a day, the poor thing, but the rest of the time, he's quite happy. Getting v.chatty I might add - he knows what he's talking about!! He's getting more gorgeous by the day!
Well, will let you know how things go this week.
Hope all is well with you and your wee ones!
Keep smilin'!!!

Love Ambs smile

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

Amber

Just wanted to let you know I have been also following this post ... I admire your strength and think you sound like a fantastic mum.

Hope everything works out for you and Aidan, although with your determination I am sure it will!

Jo

Ryan (2) & Jayden (18mths)

Hi everyone!!

I have put together a little webpage for Aidan, and I'm sure that some of you are dying to see what my gorgeous wee man looks like.
The address is:
www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/aidantaylor

The password is: clarke

I hope you like it.

Talk to you all soon, take care

Love Ambs xx smile

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

Hiya!
Not much to tell still, but haven't really been dwelling on it. Feel a bit down though today as I had to go into my ex's mum's work for an appointment with my case manager. I had Aidan with me, and contemplated the whole time I was there whether I should take him over to see her.
In the end, I left without seeing her. I had to meet someone anyway, but I felt really bad once I left.
I didn't approach her because I really wasn't sure if she'd want to see Aidan, considering what the situation is. I'm thinking about just dropping her a little letter, explaining why I didnt go over to see her. I'm probably going to have to tell her about the paternity action, as I suspect that Bodie hasn't filled her in (as usual)!!
I know its going to be months before we resolve this, and I hate his parents missing out, but I can understand why they are keeping their distance. I'm hoping I'll get the chance to talk to her about it soon, because it involves them as well. I know what it's like to not know anything about my (natural) father and his family, and I don't want Aidan to miss out on a family who were, just a couple of months ago, were stoked to learn of his existance. I don't have the chance to ever meet my natural father as he died when I was 14. (He left me when I was 3 mths old). I had one chance to meet him a few years before he died. I dealt with the fact that he was my biological father, but as I put it to my mum at the time, he's not my father. My father I have had since I was a year old, is the one that raised me and helped guide me to be the person I am today. When he (my biological dad) died, I had a small pang of regret that I passed up that chance to at least meet him.
I want to give Aidan that chance I never had. His father may very well come round to the idea of being a dad, and it may not be till Aidan is old enough to go and kick a ball round with etc ... but at least Aidan will have the opportunity to be with him. I hope Bodie's mum can understand this, and why this paternity action is important to me.
I'll be ok, just needed to offload!!
Thanks for listening girls. Hope all is well with you.
Take care,

Love Ambs xx smile

PS: Aidan is doing brilliantly, and is now gettin' chubby!!! He's just gorgeous!!!

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

Amber

You are doing a great job just keep your chin up and stay positive.
I am crossing my fingers for you & hope everything works out Ok for you & your little boy.


Take care & if you ever want to chat I am here


Bec
Hi Amber,
Just found your post and haven't had time to read it all yet.
When I fell prgnant with my first, the Father walked away when he found out. We had no contact at all during the entire pregnancy and even till about 2 months after - although he knew about his daughter. He then started seing her.. but that onlylasted about 1 month. For the next 3 years it was just her and I. I was desperate for her to know her father and would have done anyhing for them to have a relationship - even though i didn't want anything to do with him. He too had another girlfriend by this stage. I built our lives solely on us- andmy extremely supportive family, friends and work mates.
Then one day he just decided he wnted to start seeing her - she was 1 month off turning three.
I so much wanted them to know each other thatI jumped at thechance... BIG MISTAKE.
he saw her on and off (only when it suited him) for the next 2 years. This might sound good, but someimes he'd see her weekly, then wuoldn't even make contact for 6 weeks. It has screwed her up big time and planted big seeds of rejection - she thinks there is something wrong with her now that he doesn' want to see her.
So after 2 years of trying my absolute hardest and initiating most of the contact my self he has walked away yet again - she is now 5 and a half and feels the rejection even worse.
My main aim was for my daughter to know her father and for them to have a relationship - and I would have -and did- do anything for that.
However, now I know I've only done more damage then good.
I'm not sayig your son's father will be like this, but I want you to know - sometimes our best intentions aren't what is really best.
If he does decide he wants to know his son...make him prove himself and his dedication first. It's the least he can do after everything else, and may just save your son some heartache. If he can't be bothered to prove himself then he won't be bothered to stick around.
I really do hope that all works out well for you and Aiden. Being a single mum is a hardbut extremely rewarding job - and one that you're doing fantastic at.
All the best,

Sheree, mum to 2 plus 1 on the way (dd 31-5-06)

Sign in to follow this topic