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If he refuses to be a father now, maybe he doesn't want to be a father at all?? Lock Rss

Hi girls!!
Motherhood is going great!! Aidan is doing wonderfully now - getting bigger by the day. He's an absolutely gorgeous boy, my family are smitten and I can't imagine life without him now.
He's just gone 3 weeks now, and he's sleeping really well - mainly at night, so I get quite a bit of sleep. He's figured out the difference between night and day, so during the day he just catnaps, then starts his four-hourly sleeps about 4pm.
Unfortunately, his father has pretty much told me to bugger off - he still hasn't seen his son yet, and wants nothing to do with him. So I have to start paternity action against him, just to get him to sign Aidan's birth certificate. It can be a bit upsetting, but I'm staying on top of things, and staying positive. I'm hoping for a relationship with the father's parents now ... the sad thing is they still don't know they have a beautiful grandson here. I'm going to see my ex's mother soon, and hopefully all will be well with them, even if their son doesn't want a bar of our son.
Anyway, aside from that, all is well, and life with my boy is absolutey fantastic!! Hope all is well with your little ones!! Hope to talk again soon
Take care everyone.
Amber smile

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

Congrats Amber on your little guy!

I think as long as your ex has an attitude like he does you are better not to expose your son to it. Your ex may come around but if not it is obvious your bub is going to get bundles of love and attention from you and your family.

It is your ex who will be missing out, but I do think he's parents have a right to know they have a grandson. Good Luck with telling them and take care!!

Ryan (2) & Jayden (18mths)

Things are going well. Aidan is 4 weeks old now - where does the time go!! smile
Thought it might be time for an update (LOL) on the dad situation etc ...
Have made the decision to get in touch with his parents, although my mother is going to approach my ex's mum first. His parents still don't have a clue, and it hit home last Friday - went into the Welfare offices and who should come up to me and ask to see Aidan but my ex's mum. She ended up looking after him for 1/2 hour. It just broke my heart because she looked so happy with him, and all I wanted to do was to stand up and shout out "He's your grandson"!! But I couldn't. My mum is going to make the 1st initial contact, and then I'll take Aidan to see my ex's parents. It's going to be a shock, but I hope that his parents will see why I didn't say anything last week. I'm very angry at my ex for putting me in this position, and angry at him for denying them these 1st few weeks with their grandson. He has still flat out refused to sign Aidan's birth cert, so I have now got to go and see a lawyer about taking paternity action etc, and I have also applied for child support. (My ex currently thinks I have given up on him - but no ... he will be getting a "nice" letter from the authorities in the next week or so). He picked the wrong girl to have a fight with I tell ya!! I'm going out to fight for my son!!
Fingers crossed that things work out - I'm not sure when I will get the chance to introduce Aidan to his grandparents properly, but I hope it will be very soon. And fingers crossed the authorities can "coax" my ex into signing my son's birth certificate.
It sounds like its been a bit stressful, but I'm still smiling. All it takes is one look at my beautiful son, and all my troubles just melt away (you all know the feeling dont ya girls)!! Its a great feeling, and I believe in positive thoughts bring on positive outcomes.
Hope all is well with you and your little ones ... take care my friends, till next time!!
Keep smiling smile
Ambs xxx

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

This post has been edited by the moderator.
I just found this post, but I have a fair bit to say about it.

When I got pregnant I told my boyfriend Luke. That was a 4 weeks. We next saw him when I was 3 months along. He hadn't told his mum. I ended up ringing her and telling her. Her responce was he already has a child (Blake now 1 1/2) he doesn't need any more. You should have an abortiion.

He was there on and off until about 5 months. I decided to ring him the night before I left hospital. It took my 5 different phone numbers I had to get onto him. Him and his mum came in to see Milly. I had named her and everything without his input. He started coming over once a week.

After 2 months my family and I went to my cousins wedding. We were away for 2 weeks. We've barely seen him since we've been back.

In the last 2 months he's seen her for 45 mins.

Child Support have finally gotten in touch with him and the night they did I got a phone call. He said he never wanted her to start with and I shouldn't have had her. He has also decided he wants 50% custody.

I've now got a lawyer and am getting things into place before he can. I'm not losing my daughter to someone that doesn't want her.

Don't give in. Get custody of Aiden and then let his father see him on your terms. If he doesn't want that get him out of the picture. That's what we're doing.

Good luck. You're not alone.

Hi penn!
Thanks for the advice! I'm off to see a lawyer on Wednesday, so hopefully I shall have a clearer idea on what is going to happen then. I'm definitely applying for full custody which I don't think he will challenge anyway, but I guess I'll find out. Until he grows up and has a major attitude adjustment towards Aidan & I, I don't want him involved with his son, but I do hope to have a relationship with his folks. Hopefully he will do what I ask, and it won't have to go to the courts.
ive applied for child support so hopefully they will be in touch with him within the next week or so, which he will not be pleased about, but like i said, he picked the wrong girl to pick a fight with. I wish that we could go back 6 months when we were still friends, and we had everything sorted. Its amazing what a new girlfriend can do to a guy's attitude.
Oh well .... I'm getting the ball rolling, and I'm going to keep on doing what I can to help my son. Fingers crossed all goes well eh?! I will keep you all posted, and let you know how I go.
Take care girls, and have a happy easter!!
Ambs smile

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

Well, went to the lawyers for some advice. They have told me to apply for full custody, start paternity proceedings & attend councelling with Aidan's father.
I'm not sure about everything ... I think I will apply for full custody, even though I can guarantee that it won't be challenged. But you never know, further down the track, Aidan's father may want to be a part of his life, therefore, we would possibly start shared custody. I think at least I would be playing it safe in applying for full custody.
I'm only going to start paternity proceedings if the tax department fail in "persuading" my ex to do what I ask. That would mean going to court, but if that's what will have to happen, then so be it. I'm hoping that my ex will get the letter from the tax dept, and realise this is not going to go away, and he has to face the fact that he has a son. The lawyers are asking us to go to councelling as well ... but I can't even get him to talk to me on the phone. So that won't be happening anytime soon. It blew me away, it's like we're a married couple going thru a divorce etc ... Councelling didn't even enter my mind, but if my ex was being nice about things, and co-operating, it wouldn't be a bad option.
So there ya go. It's just a matter of waiting to see what my ex's next move is going to be, before I know for sure what step to take next, but it may very well be that I will start proceedings soon. But aside from these problems, Aidan is thriving, he's healthy and happy (although he goes for his immunisation shots next week - he won't be happy then)! But he really is a gorgeous wee man, and I love him more each day.
Hope you & your babies are all healthy and happy & you enjoyed your Easter!
Take care of yourselves!!

Ambs smile

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

This post has been edited by the moderator.
Hey Ambs.

Well...I hope you get the custody. Once you have it, it's all up to your ex what happens. If he doesn't want to see Aidan no one can force him.

Luke hasn't bothered to ring us since he said he wanted 50% custody. I'm still going for full custody though. It's now been 3 months since he's even taken her out of the house. He's still oly seen her for 45mins in that time.

Hope everything goes well.


Went to see my ex's mum today, and I am very happy to report all went well, and Aidan will have both sets of grandparents in his life.
I can't tell you all how happy I am about this. My relationship with Aidan's dad hasn't changed, but his mum is going to talk to him and help me to get him to face up to his financial responsibility & sign Aidan's birth certificate. That's all I want from him for now, and his parents are happy with that. It was explained to me that he may not show any interest in Aidan till he's older, but that I had figured out for myself. But at least I now have established a relationship with my ex's parents, and hopefully I'll reconcile my friendship with my ex later on down the line.
It's all looking good, and I feel so happy for Aidan. Turns out my parents and my ex's parents know each other quite well so that makes it easier. I still hope that Aidan will have a relationship with his Dad one day, but there's nothing more important than having grandparents, and I've given him the chance to have both sets. YAY!!
Aidan himself is thriving ... a bit scratchy today after his immunisations yesterday. He's 6 weeks old already & he's smiling and trying to talk. He's just gorgeous!! Hope you and all your little ones are keeping well.
Will keep you posted on future "daddy developments" smile

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

Hi Amber, I'm really glad to hear that it has worked out in your favour. I am currently organising my sons first meeting with his paternal grand parents in August. They seem to have recently started taking an interest in him. I take my hat off to you that you can be so open and trusting. I myself am incredibly fearful of my own up coming meeting as I've had minimal contact from my ex's parents since before I left him and no contact with my ex since Ezrah was born. It's refreshing to read your positive attitude and I congratulate you for this.

Take care.
Well, just an update on things .... as soon as I told you girls about the good news, I get the bad news!!
2 weeks ago (27/04 to be exact) I received a letter. Aidan's birth cert papers were unsigned (as expected), and there was a letter attached from my ex's mum. She said as follows...

Bodie has refused to sign Aidan's birth cert papers, stating that he doesn't think that he is Aidan's father, and doesn't want to be.
His gilrfriend, J* is well aware of the situation, and has seen the txt msg's you have sent him.
I am so sorry, Best wishes."

Well, I knew what the reaction was going to be from my ex, but didn't think he would deny Aidan's paternity to his mother's face. That was the biggest insult that anyone could ever throw at me - he's made me look bad to his parents, and I can just imagine what the girlfriend now thinks of me. I was not pleased that Bodie had shared our txt conversations/letters with her ... it has had nothing to do with her as far as I'mconcerned. Anyway, was rather peeved, and upset - ruined my birthday of all days, but once I calmed down, I wrote a letter back to my ex's mum, and said that I had expected Bodie to not sign the papers, and that after talking to my folks, have decided to leave things as they were for now. I wasn't happy about leaving things unresolved between everyone, but the more I fight Bodie over this the worse it's going to get. I told her that I just wanted to settle down and enjoy life with my son, and be the best mum I could to him. Also told her that if she & her husband ever wanted to visit Aidan, then they would be most welcome, and I promised her with my whole heart, that Aidan was hers too.
Well, I've tried moving on, but I'm not the sort of person who can walk away and leave things unfinished, so, I'm taking my lawyer's advice, and I'm going to go and file for paternity action against my ex. I don't really care about the child support, I just want my son to know who his father is (even if Bodie is nothing more than a name to him) & I want my son to know his granparents, because his grandmother wants to be involved with him. I can understand why she's taking her son's side, but she knows me well enough to know that I wouldn't lie to her about this. As I said, I'm very insulted that Bodie told her that he's not the father.
So. I'm taking action in the next couple of weeks - and I look forward to resolving everything, so that my ex's family can start enjoying Aidan, as they have missed out on a lot already. I'm expecting a bit of backlash from my ex, but I'm positive that I will get the outcome that I have hope for since Aidan was born.
Wish me luck!!!!!!! I'll keep you posted.
Hope all is well with you and your little ones smile

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

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