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If he refuses to be a father now, maybe he doesn't want to be a father at all?? Lock Rss

Hi fellow mums & mums-to-be,
I'm about to have my first baby (due any day now). The father left when I was 8 weeks, and refused to have anything to do with the baby, even offering to pay for a termination.
I put my foot down, and after a LOT of talking he agreed to sign the birth cert and agreed to give a relationship with the baby a go, so we kept in touch.
We had a big falling out 2 months ago, and I decided to distance myself from him to save me from getting stressed & upset (and save the baby from it too) & also to give him a bit of a break from everything too. He's now with someone new, and she doesn't know about me & the baby - in fact his family doesn't know still! His excuses are just getting to hard to hear, and I think since we've had the break from each other, I've actually realised he won't come to the party & be a father to our baby, which I really don't want.
Maybe its for the best, I don't know. I am still scared of my ex bonding with the baby, then leaving. Maybe if I end things completely now, I can save baby the heartache of losing a parent later on, and save myself the heartache of watching it happen, and not being able to do anything about it. If he refuses to be a father now, maybe he doesn't want to be a father at all??
Well, I'm due any day now, and one thing I know for sure is this: no matter what the outcome is in the next wee while, I relish the thought of being a mum, and this baby doesnt know it yet, but my family & I have nothing but love and laughter waiting for him/her.

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)


I read your post & it saddened me the guy sounds like a jerk you WILL be better off without him I'm sure. I am so happy to hear that your family is behind you as you will need that moral support so GOOD LUCK with the birth and keep your chin up.


P.S Let us know what you have!
I have gone through something very similar and my advice is cut yourself off now. I wouldn't even get him on the birth cert. I left my bubs father when I was 15 weeks pregnant due to the violence and abuse he dished out. I wanted my bubs to have a father and welcomed him and his families involvment. However he simply continued to harass me and the day after I had my child I cut off all contact.

I decided my boy would be better off with no father than the constant crap dished out by my ex. He has my brother, my father and my male friends as positive role models. I feel better and my son lives in a happy home where we are both safe.

I decided not to have his father's name on the birth cert for legal reasons - it make it easier on me down the track if his father comes back demanding access. I don't know about NZ but the laws here state that even if it's ten years later the father still has a right to access. If my son wants to see his father, or have him put on his birth cert, I will do everything I can to accomodate it but I want it to be on my son's terms and not on his fathers selfish whims.

There is a good website It is the national council of single mothers and although it's Aussie they will most likely still give you helpful advice as I have found them invaluable.
hey ambs
do what u think u should do, what eva u do dont stress as bubs can feel it...
if he hasnt told his family, im sure they'll be stoked if they knew they had a grandchild, they have a right to know even if he doesnt want to tell them, at the end of the day its you who will deal with the pain so make ur choice what u want it to be, and dont think twice about it just do what u have to do..
were here for u ambs

karen,NSW, mummy to Caitlin Born 14 weeks early

Hi guys!
Thanks for your kind words!! Just a quick update ... "Lumpy" is now 10 days overdue, and yep I'm getting frustrated!! But the end is very near FINALLY! I'm getting induced on 08/03, so wish me luck!!
On the other side of the coin, the father & I are talking again, and things seem ok, but am waiting to see what happens when "Lumpy" arrives.
I'll be in touch as soon as I can!!
Ambs smile

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)


Good Luck & let us know what you have!

Take Care

ok, it's only 4 days since u were induced but i'm really curious how 'lumpy' is!! lol, i love that u nicknamed him/her lumpy smile

how is everything with the dad? i hope everything is going really well for you both smile

keep us up to date smile


sahm to 5 midgit circus freaks

i really want to know what sex lumpy is!!!!! what is his/her name, i want stats!!!!
Dont worry about the dad situation too much, what matters most is that lumpy is surrounded by people that hove him/her unconditionally!!!!
All the best to deserve it!!

Sarah,VIC 18mth daughter

Hi girls!!!
Well, after waiting 13 days extra, "Lumpy" FINALLY made it into this world .... I had to be induced over a period of 3 days ... and they put me on a drip to bring on contractions on the Wednesday ... laboured for 3 1/2 hours and still Lumpy wasnt engaged and I wasnt dilated even 1cm!! (The doctor had broken my waters that morning)!!
So Lumpy arrived by caesarean at 5.57pm on Wednesday 10 March ... and I'm proud to announce that HE is gorgeous!!!!! I named him Aidan. He weighed in at 8lb, 10oz.
His father unfortunately is being a real ass ... Has not even been in touch yet. He knows about his boy, as I have been leaving msgs for him, but he hasn't even rung, let alone come to see his son. But, I'm not letting that get me down, this wee man of mine is absolutely gorgeous and I love him to bits. Thanks for all your kind words of support ... has meant alot!!!
Take care girls!!!
Love Ambs smile

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

Congratulations!!!! I can promise you that your little man will be your most favourite thing in the whole world! And that will be all that matters. Best of luck.


Enjoy you little boy.

how wonderful, and what a good size!! congratulations and enjoy ur little man smile


sahm to 5 midgit circus freaks

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