Nervous about Baby Number 2

Hi,

I have a 2.5 yr old son who I and my husband absolutely adore. He is the centre of everything that we do and although we spoil him, he is such a great kid and not affected at all. I'm now pregnant with my second child and find myself apprehensive about how we will react. I desperately want this baby (and maybe a couple more after it) but I also don't know how I will be able to shower it with as much love and attention as my son got. It doesn't seem fair. I also want to make sure that my son doesn't feel left out or rejected when the new baby arrives. Because of all these feelings, I'm actually feeling nervous about this baby which is such a shame as I should be jumping for joy. Both of my kids were conceived through IVF so I knew exactly what I was in for, I'm just surprised about how different I feel this time around. Does anyone else know how I feel and any other mums who have had other kids feeling the same way? Would like any advice you can give.

Thanks.

Hi Yvette,

I know exactly how you feel! I was so nervous and worried when I was pregnant with my 2nd as my son was the only one for 3 years on both sides of the family! I made sure I included him in washing the babies new clothes and nappies, cloth, and sorting out the toys and getting the room ready! Even though it would have been a faster job without him I felt it was very important to make it clear that there would be another child in the house soon!! I made a point to include him in any discussion or conversation about the baby and talked to him about the new baby everday! I took him to any antenatal visits including the ultrasounds and he just loved it! When my daughter finally came he was so excited! I knew everone would bring a gift for the baby so, to make sure he didn't feel left out my husband and I bought a little gift for him to open at the hospital and we told him it was from his new sister! I have had no trouble with him in the jealousy department which I was so worried about and we always make sure we still give him lots of attention when bub is asleep and when he sleeps we can give our undivided attention to our angel! I was worried too about wondering if I could give as much attention to the new one and how I would get things done...but I find the time somehow! For baths I usually get both kids into the bath together and he loves to help out bathing his sister! It's amazing as everything seems to work out!

Remember, just include him in everything to do with the new baby now so he gets used to the idea!

Best wishes and I hope I have helped!

Hi Yvette,

I had similar feelings! I always wondered how i could love my second as much as my first!

Now, with a 2.5yo and a 7month old, all these feelings are squashed. The moment he was born, it was another love, different, but equal!

The one thing i loved doing with my eldest as soon as No2 arrived was muck around on the floor with her. After being pregnant and so tired and uncomfortable, it was great to "play" with her again!

I hope this help a little,
Tepe

Hi Yvette,

I think your feelings must be pretty normal because I know the same feelings well. I have an adorable 13 month old daughter who is the light of my life and I am now 14 weeks pregnant with my second. I am worried about the effect this new baby will have on her. I devote every minute to my daughter at the moment and am worried she will think mummy doesn't love her anymore, when I have to divide my time between her and the new baby. As for loving this baby as much as my first born, that scares me and is something I can't work out yet. I don't think it will come to us until our 2nd babies are born. A lot of mum's have more than one child and they seem to do okay... this gives me some comfort. You are not alone, that's all I can really add here. Hope this gives you some small comfort.

smile smile smile smile smile smile

Hi Tepe and Michelle,

Thank you so much for replying. I guess I was starting to feel really guilty about these feelings. I can't wait to meet the new little bub and I'm sure everything will work out fine. I feel a lot more comforted after your thoughtful words so thanks.

Yvette

Hi Mum78,

I didn't see your reply earlier so sorry if I didn't respond! Thanks so much for your story, it has some really good ideas. I am trying to involve my son as much as possible, he always asks how bubba is doing and tells everyone that there is a bubba in my tummy - I'm just not sure how that will translate to when the new baby is here though! We also plan on having a present for him from the new baby so he won't feel left out. I'm actually a bit worried that if this new baby is a boy, that our families won't be very excited as they really want a girl. I don't care either way as I have only been able to conceive through IVF so I know how lucky I am to have children at all! Still, they adore my son and if it is another boy, I'm worried that he will not be as included in things.

I am trying not to stress too much about things at the moment as I'm sure it will all work out. I figure that I have been able to juggle a full time career, a baby, building a new house, part time university, a husband, 4 pets and IVF Treatment so now that the house is built, uni is finished, the IVF has worked and I will be at home with both kids, maybe I'll manage! Maybe not though!

Anyway, thanks so much, it is really appreciated.

Yvette

Hi Yvette,

If you have been thru all that, 2 bubs will be a brease! You should feel very satisfied with yourself, having achieved all that and another pregnancy!

Hope things are still going well for you,

Tepe

Hi Tepe,

You know, I'm pretty happy with my lot in life (of course if I won a million dollars I'd probably be a bit happier though!) but at the end of the day the most important thing is my beautiful kid and the new one on the way. My greatest achievement in life won't be how successful a career I have, nor how nice my house is etc. but for my kids to grow up and be happy and healthy and to love me forever. I'm sure you know what I mean! Thanks.

Yvette

Good on you!!

Hi Yvette,
I know a mum of 4 who puts it this way:
Capacity to love is like a balloon. She got married, blew into a balloon once... loved her hubby with all her heart.
When she had her 1st child, she didn't have to share that love, *blow* she got more love and loved them both...
And so on.
I've only got one but I don't think you need to worry. There'll be things that #2 does that are unique and you'll learn to love them both, just in different ways!

Thanks Teresa,

I think this must be a stage everyone goes through. I'm feeling a lot more comfortable now and although I feel constantly tired, I find I am able to cope with my emotions a lot better. I am really looking forward to this new baby, but in some ways it still doesn't seem real! I can't wait until June, I love being pregnant but this time around, I want the pregnancy thing over and done with so I can meet the new little person that I'm carrying around. Appreciate your feedback.

Yvette

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to come back and say that now that my new little boy has arrived, I realise how unnecessary were my emotions. As soon as I saw him born into this world, I loved him so much. I was a bit worried about having a 'favourite' child if you know what I mean but it just didn't happen. The love I feel for both my boys cannot be measured against each other. They are my two precious gifts and I thank my lucky stars every day that I have them in my life.

Just wanted to come back and say this in case there are others out there who are going through the same emotions.

Everything is working out really well and I'm really enjoying my time at home with my sons.

Thanks everyone.

Yvette