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first miss carrage, with 4 friends pregnant due same time as me Lock Rss

I have just had my first miss carrage yesterday after having 2 kids (2yr old dd and 1 yr old ds) and i have just been informed that 4 of my friends are pregnant and due around the same time as i was due. Has anyone got any advice on how to deal with people being pregnant around you??

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Honey everyone deals differently and there is no right or easier way to do so. All I can recommend is that you be open and honest with these people if they are your friends, and as much as you might not think so now sometimes you are able to share their journey and be happy with them - this is not taking anything away from your loss in any means just a way of some people being able to heal. Remember that your friends are going to be excited for the journey they are about to have but you might find they could pull away from you too, this will not be because they feel differently towards you but because they do not know how to be... I hope this makes sense, like I said all you can do is be open and honest and tell them how you are feeling you know sometimes you might enjoy the company like there is no tomorrow but other times you might want to have some you time, both of these are ok just tell your friends hey I might give today a miss but you guys have a great time. In the mean time try talking to them and just explain if you need to keep some distance at this time that you need to have some you time and will catch up with them as soon as you can. Take care hon xx

Leigha''s little men smile

Firstly I am very sorry for your loss. losing a baby is a terrible thing that I dont think people understand until it has happened to them or someone they love.

I suffered a miscarriage last year. It was my first pregnancy and as soon as I told my best friend I was pregnant I knew she was jealous and would start trying for a baby too. I then had a miscarriage and found out when I was almost 12 weeks pregnant. about 6 weeks later my friend told me she was pregnant. I was devestated but tried to be happy for her. It seemed to be everywhere I looked there were pregnant women, I knew several that had babies due the same time mine was due.
I cried myself to sleep for weeks. All I wanted was to be pregnant again to get rid of the emptiness I felt inside.
I did get pregnant again about 4 months after my m/c and now have a beautiful 3 month old baby girl.

I dont think there is a easy cure for the loss you feel or the jealousy you feel when your friends have what you want. But the bad feelings do go away, it just takes time. Its ok to not feel happy for your friends pregnancy's. But perhaps focus on the good things that you do have.eg: your other children, the fact that you got pregnant in the first place as some people have difficulties in this area.

Once again, sorry for your loss. hang in there, Remember to breathe!! its ok to take time to cry and have grief for your lost child, you are not expected to just get over it.
i just had a curette yesterday......i have a daughter already and this is my first miscarriage..........i feel so empty and also have two friends pregnant and due the same time..........im not even sure how i am going to get through it.....but at this stage im just trying to myself that its probably better this way if something was wrong with the baby....and for me im just going to try and concentrate on trying for another baby....i think its the only way i can do it and move forward....im sorry for ur loss....

Thankyou everyone for your warmth. i know that i dont know any of you, but its nice to know that there are people who have been through this and know what kind of rollercoaster ride we go through when it happens.
I went to my playgroup today thinking i could face everyone, and in the end it was all a bit too much. I couldnt look at one of my friends who's pregnant cause i felt sick knowing there was nothing growing inside me, yet she was glowing with happiness. She had posted on her facebook page that she went for her 12 week ultrasound and i cried, cause we should have had our 12 week ultrasound 2 weeks ago, but instead, we had an ultrasound to confirm that our baby had died. I thought i was strong enough to deal with this, but not so any more. I have cried that much that i lost a contact lens. I asked a few people i know how they delt with it and they said they had to keep trying again but at the point where i dont know having another baby would help me get over the one that died. Maybe in the future, but not now.
Thanks again for your kind words.

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Firstly i would really like to say how sorry i am for your loss, unfortunatrly it is a shocking position that you are in right now, and i have been there myself. I have had 3 m/c's between my two boys and each time it felt like yet another slap in the face when a friend announced their pregnancy especially when they were due close to me or even worse, they weren't even ttc at the time!!

All i can say is you will find out who real friends are - these will be the ones who respect your feelings and wait for you to ask about their pregnancy rather than bringing it up all the time.

Don't feel bad if you have to distance yourself for a while, because those who really matter will understand.

(((Big hugs))) I really hope you are doing ok.

Me & DH
DS - 8, DS - 5, DS - 4
DSS - 17, DSS - 12, DSD - 10


I have just had my first miss carrage yesterday after having 2 kids (2yr old dd and 1 yr old ds) and i have just been informed that 4 of my friends are pregnant and due around the same time as i was due. Has anyone got any advice on how to deal with people being pregnant around you??


My advise would be to look at your daughter and son and thank your lucky stars you have them!!! I had 3 MC's before i had my son and he is the highlight of my life. Dont dwell on what you dont have and dont be jealous of other people. I think people forget that 1 in 3 pregnancies end in death and that can be a MC, spontaneous abortion anywhere from 3-9 months and a still born baby. I will say however that i believe i was fortunate enough to have all 3 MC's before 12 weeks (9 weeks, 5 weeks, then 9 weeks again) as i would hate to feel the baby then it dies and have to push it out.
Once again, be grateful for what you have - look at your kids and no how truly blessed you are.

To interesting life: baba_baby has every right to feel pain about losing her bub and finding it hard to be around pregnant friends and to be jelous, she should be bumpy and happy and loving life not having to grieve, it doesnt mean she is not happy for her friends i know i lot of miscarriages happen but that doesnt ease her pain, it just means there are many woman out there with a hole in their heart. her, myself and everyone else who has babies and lost other babies feel blessed and love our children with everything we have but it doesnt make the pain of the one we lost any less, or the baby we lost any less significant because we have others. This forum is a safe place to vent and cry and express how you feel without the thoughtless comments from people trying to downgrade your grief. baby_baby: how ya doing georgeous lady? just had one of my friends give birth and the one who due same day now has a beautiful bumb, held my friends bub and forced back the tears, 13 more months till we can try again (not that im counting down or anything! roll eyes


Obviously you didn't read the part where i said i have had 3 miscarriages before i had my son so i do understand. I do however feel that dwelling on it and being angry and resentful to other people doesn't bring the pregnancy back. And i also believe that with one baby, your heart should already be full! It just expands when others are added. So by concentrating on the love for the children you have should more than make you feel extremely grateful for what you have! How dare you call me thoughtless - im sure ive been thru a hell of alot more than you have but i just choose to look at things from a positive outlook.
hello everyone again,
Sorry it has been a while since i was on last, its been a little bit of a mad house here lol.
Well since my last post, it has gotten easier. At least i thought it had. I had gotten to the stage where i was ok to talk to my friends who were pregnant and i was comfortable to talk to my family about our child, but then we were invited to my neices 1st birthday on my DH side, and it dawned on me that i would be re starting the whole process of grief i guess you could say as i hadn't seen them for about 6 months (His side of the family isnt as close as mine is) My DH went ahead of me and told everyone that i wasnt up for talking about it and to avoid the topic of babies, which they did, but I had to leave early as i couldnt stand being there as everyone didnt know what to say to me, so they just gave me the sympathy look, which kind of annoyed me, and they all avoided me.
Ive had my moments of sadness, actually i've been a bit of a mess lately. Im finding that one little thing can trigger the tears. I was sitting in Church on Sunday and they played a song for a promo, "you raise me up" (its an Irish blessing) and that was the first song i heard and felt comfort in after i came home from hospital and i was a ball of mess. Still recovering from it.
At times it still feels raw, like it only happened yesterday. I get flashbacks of the hospital and the mess and the midwives and nurses rushing around me. Its a bit much sometimes.
I have decided to write to the hospital to get answers to find out why i was admitted 3 times and why i was treated like crap by some of the nurses. Im not sure where your all from, but there was a story on the news where a lady had a miss carage in the toilet of a hospital waiting room. Surely there should be some kind of guide lines (memory blank, cant remember the word i wanted to use lol) they have changed to avoid that kind of thing happening to other women??
My DH wants to sue the hospital for negligance (excuse the spelling) Im a little nervouse about going down that road, but i feel that they should pay for the additional stress they caused. Having a miss carrage is the most stressful, sad, emotional time and having a hospital treat you like crap isnt acceptable in my eyes. They did nothing but add to the stress and sadness and for that, i refuse to go back to that hospital.
Now, in reply to your post, interesting_life, I am so blessed to have 2 beautiful children. I thank my awesome God for the Joy they bring (and pray for patience when they're kicking and screaming in the middle of a shopping center lol)
When you say, "dont dwell on what you dont have" im a little confussed. Do you mean to say dont think about what kind of life my child would have had or do you mean to say dont sit in the corner with a box of tissues and a block of chocolates having a pitty party??
Personally, im allowing myself to think about what my child could have been. Im allowing myself to feel pain and sorrow, and if that means throwing myself a pitty party with a box of tissues and a block of chocolate, so be it. We all grieve differently.
I understand you went through 3 miss carrages, but you were lucky enough to not feel a kick or a movement, i however felt kicks and movement, and i had to push it out so to speak. what i went through was traumatic and its not something i can just get over or forget.
I didnt know about the statistics and that dosnt make me feel any better, personally i think its a little inappropriate to post that kind of stats on a preganacy loss forum. It dosnt make anyone feel better about a child dying.
We are all in the same boat when it comes to miss carrages. We all are feeling pain and sadness and we cant pass judgement on how much we've been through or how tough we've had it and it certainly isnt a competition. I havent been angry or resentful towards any other pregnant women, instead i have felt so excited for them as they're about to become a mother, some for the first time, others for the second and third. Being a mum is the most rewarding job i have ever had, and i want others to experience the roller coaster ride that im on (but to tell you the truth, roller coasters scare the living day lights out of me, so lets opt of a merrigo-round instead lol)
This forum is designed to encourage and suport and to share practial advice, not to be in competition with each other.
I thank you all for your suport during this hard time. i know it will get easier with time, and i thankyou all that you've been a great "shoulder" to cry on and great cyber friends to cry with.
Having friends who have been through what im going through is the most comforting thing.

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BABA BABY!!! How ya doing hun?? glad you are having better days, i think there will always be days it hits you and other days that will be ok. When i went to my churches womans conference the day after i lost bub they were singing the "desert song" with the lines "there may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning" and "all things work together for my good" - man that had me on the floor bawling my eyes out! Im comming to grips with it, I will always miss baby, we have decided to call our next baby "connor" if its a boy as it means "dearly wanted" - I joke saying by the time we will be able to conceive again (have to wait now due to graduate commitments) baby will be desperately wanted! I think your friends will understand your pain and be ok with you holding their bub and having a good cry, remember its called a grief PROCESS for a reason, its not an over night thing that you will get over! As for the hospital, i agree you should lay a complaint, but oly if its what you want to do, they will never learn unless they know there is something they need to address. I had to go back to the same hospital i had a horrific birth experience at (due to my complaint the ob is no longer working there and the anesthatist had formal disiplinary action - wanted them to change policy but that didnt happen gasp( ) however the miscarriage clinic there was great, im so sorry you had a rough time, it sucks as a nurse you want to think you and your fellow team are helping people so its heartbreaking to know there are people who call themselves nurses who have forgotten the point of nursing - TO CARE!! Good luck. Think of you often

Well, im back to the gym tomorrow morning as i want to look good again. It will be a long process, but im willing to do the hard yards. I want to loose 20kg before i have the next one.
We too have named our baby Alex. They couldnt tell if it was a boy or a girl, and i dont think i would have wanted to know. But Alex can be used for a boy or a girl.
I felt kind of silly naming it, but in another sence, i want people to recognise that it was a living breathing human, and although it went to a much better place, and we never got to meet it, it was loved soo much.
I've been thinking about you too Kenziesma, How are you going??

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hello everyone again,
Sorry it has been a while since i was on last, its been a little bit of a mad house here lol.
Well since my last post, it has gotten easier. At least i thought it had. I had gotten to the stage where i was ok to talk to my friends who were pregnant and i was comfortable to talk to my family about our child, but then we were invited to my neices 1st birthday on my DH side, and it dawned on me that i would be re starting the whole process of grief i guess you could say as i hadn't seen them for about 6 months (His side of the family isnt as close as mine is) My DH went ahead of me and told everyone that i wasnt up for talking about it and to avoid the topic of babies, which they did, but I had to leave early as i couldnt stand being there as everyone didnt know what to say to me, so they just gave me the sympathy look, which kind of annoyed me, and they all avoided me.
Ive had my moments of sadness, actually i've been a bit of a mess lately. Im finding that one little thing can trigger the tears. I was sitting in Church on Sunday and they played a song for a promo, "you raise me up" (its an Irish blessing) and that was the first song i heard and felt comfort in after i came home from hospital and i was a ball of mess. Still recovering from it.
At times it still feels raw, like it only happened yesterday. I get flashbacks of the hospital and the mess and the midwives and nurses rushing around me. Its a bit much sometimes.
I have decided to write to the hospital to get answers to find out why i was admitted 3 times and why i was treated like crap by some of the nurses. Im not sure where your all from, but there was a story on the news where a lady had a miss carage in the toilet of a hospital waiting room. Surely there should be some kind of guide lines (memory blank, cant remember the word i wanted to use lol) they have changed to avoid that kind of thing happening to other women??
My DH wants to sue the hospital for negligance (excuse the spelling) Im a little nervouse about going down that road, but i feel that they should pay for the additional stress they caused. Having a miss carrage is the most stressful, sad, emotional time and having a hospital treat you like crap isnt acceptable in my eyes. They did nothing but add to the stress and sadness and for that, i refuse to go back to that hospital.
Now, in reply to your post, interesting_life, I am so blessed to have 2 beautiful children. I thank my awesome God for the Joy they bring (and pray for patience when they're kicking and screaming in the middle of a shopping center lol)
When you say, "dont dwell on what you dont have" im a little confussed. Do you mean to say dont think about what kind of life my child would have had or do you mean to say dont sit in the corner with a box of tissues and a block of chocolates having a pitty party??
Personally, im allowing myself to think about what my child could have been. Im allowing myself to feel pain and sorrow, and if that means throwing myself a pitty party with a box of tissues and a block of chocolate, so be it. We all grieve differently.
I understand you went through 3 miss carrages, but you were lucky enough to not feel a kick or a movement, i however felt kicks and movement, and i had to push it out so to speak. what i went through was traumatic and its not something i can just get over or forget.
I didnt know about the statistics and that dosnt make me feel any better, personally i think its a little inappropriate to post that kind of stats on a preganacy loss forum. It dosnt make anyone feel better about a child dying.
We are all in the same boat when it comes to miss carrages. We all are feeling pain and sadness and we cant pass judgement on how much we've been through or how tough we've had it and it certainly isnt a competition. I havent been angry or resentful towards any other pregnant women, instead i have felt so excited for them as they're about to become a mother, some for the first time, others for the second and third. Being a mum is the most rewarding job i have ever had, and i want others to experience the roller coaster ride that im on (but to tell you the truth, roller coasters scare the living day lights out of me, so lets opt of a merrigo-round instead lol)
This forum is designed to encourage and suport and to share practial advice, not to be in competition with each other.
I thank you all for your suport during this hard time. i know it will get easier with time, and i thankyou all that you've been a great "shoulder" to cry on and great cyber friends to cry with.
Having friends who have been through what im going through is the most comforting thing.

first of all i will say how sorry iam for your loss.
just a little something in your comment you said about hospitals letting women misscarriage in a public toilet....... i have had 2 miscarriages both in piblic toilets.
Basically when you present at hospital with bleeding and server stomach cramps(in my case) they will do an ultrasound. when there is no heartbeat to be found they give you the option to go home and wait ti pass your baby or stay at the hospital till this happens.
i dont know the full story of what happened at the hospital with you .but iam so sorry u where treated like crap from a nurse.
i have freinds who are nurses and ask them how can they control there emotions when a women has just lost her baby and is a complete mess screaming, crying etc...... they have to seperate there feelings from there job... it is hard for them they do cry... but its all in a days work for them.. with the health system struggling already they have to go on and see the next patient.
i dont want to sound rude but we cant always blame the nurses... in your case if you have a case to pursue with the hospital i wish you all the best
Basically, i went it hospital via Ambulance with bleeding and cramps and they kept me there for 5 hours and sent me home and told me to come back on the monday (it was Saturday night). I had no ultrasound they just did bloods and a urine sample and sent me home with a hospital script (it was 2am when i left and 4 strong pain killers.
Came back on the Monday to the early pregnancy clinic, by that time i was having labor pains, and could hardly walk. they sent me to radiology to get an ultrasound (i had to walk) where they then sent me to the ED where they triaged me and sent me to the waiting room where i had to wait for a bed. I was in absolute pain and was there for 45 min. they found me a bed, and i had to walk to it. It was in a room FULL of around 40 people and they said i would have to miss carry there. They then came back and said they found a bed in a private room. Over the next 12 hours i had heavy heavy bleeding and then they sent me home without doing an ultrasound the next day. i was back in that night with even more pain, and was told that i would be having a curett and told i couldnt eat. 18hours later at exaclty 10 pm, i was in "labor" and the bleeding got even worse. My nurse said she was going to get a bigger pad (after coming into my room, rolling her eyes after seeing all the blood and telling me to go into the bathroom to clean up) but never came back. another nurse heard me yelling cause no one would answer my page and she got the doctor down from sugary. They then rushed me to the opperating room where they finally performed the curett. My whole miss carry took 5 days and 3 hospital visits. No woman should have gone through what i went through, and there are so many other things that happened that i havent mentioned. Out of all the nurses i had there was only 6 nurses that were supportive and sympathetic. the rest saw me as a patient with a problem.
I agree with you that the health system is struggleing and im not blaming nurses (i use to be a Nurse, i know how hard it is) im blaming the stupid doctor who we saw on the saturday night who sent us home. If he haddnt have shrugged us off like he did and if he actually treated me like a woman who had just been told her baby had died instead of a patient who had the flu, things would have been different. Finding out that your baby has died is traumatic and stressful enough without haveing a doctor who dosnt care and a hospital who stuffs you around.
I hope this makes sence, im a little tired.

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