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Ummm...SEX!! Lock Rss

Private topic I know, but I was wondering if anyboy else experiences pain when having sex. I have a little girl Natalie born 19/11/03 and got a huge second degree tear (only know it was huge cos I was being stiched for about 1 hour and my doc commented on the size of it at my 6wk chek!!) Now that Natalie is 3 1/2 months, I thought it would have been long enough and I would've healed, but it is still painful. It is definetly better than what it was 6 wks after birth, but still hurts!! Is this normal? I will ask my doctor when I have my next appointment, but I just wondered if anyone has the same thing (or am I abnormal!!!!?!?!?...maybe I'm abnormal for even thinking about sex after a birth!!!!)
I would love anyone's advice (sorry for the 'private' topic...I understand if no one wants to share!!)
Hi me&nat, If you do a search on 3rd degree tear you will find a site which covers a lot of your questions. Just go to the right hand side and select the Advance Search button and then when you are there type in 3rd degree tear. I personally cant relate as I had a caesarean but a very good friend of mine did have a 3rd degree tear and she had a lot of problems for a long time. She had to see a gynaecologist but it did get better. You will probably find that you may need to be more relaxed and need added lubricant. There is nothing wrong with thinking about sex or wanting to resume a healthy sex life. You go girl!! I hope this helps.
I had a tear after my first, and it was quite painful at first (for the first few months - I can't remember exactly how long), but eased into discomfort rather than pain. Try different positions/angles as I found this made a difference - the wrong angle after 2 years could still hurt.

Don't give up, and don't let it put you off having more kids. I've just had my second, and they had to cut this time due to the scar tissue from the tear, but this healed a lot better than the first time, and was pain free after 6 weeks.

Good luck.

mum to 2 girls

HI me&nat,

I can relate to what your post says. With the birth of my baby I also had alot of stiches, he was postier and as he was born his head turned but his shoulders didn't and they came out lenghts ways and torn me, in my perium, labial and internally it took them 2 hours to stich me up and stop the bleeding. After 6 weeks the stiches got infected and I had to have antibiotics twice and a antibiotic cream, so anyway it was over 4 months before we thought of sex, and even know it still sometimes hurts especially if I am not in the'mood'( my baby is 71/2months) my midwife said it can take anywhere from 2months to over 5 months for the stiches to dissolve, so that its no wonder they are still sore.
Hope this helps, and I say "go for it........."


i havent had the pain as bad, i had not quite a tear but more than a graze, if you can understand and my partner were able to have sex after 2 1/2 weeks, although the first few times were quite sore, especially with deep penetration (quite rude i know), but i found the more we did it, the more i got used to it, and i think that doing it more helped with the healing, although if you have tears i would say that it wouldnt really help with the healing, but help to tear it more. i think it also depends on the comfort level, doing it slowly, not fully penetrated etc...sorry if this sounds really rude smile

sarah (20), damian (20), thomas (5wks) Auckland NZ

A friend of mine also had a quite bad tear which required alot of stitches, unfortunately she was stitched up too tight and had to have a small procedure done to fix everything up... not sure if this is relevant to you but at least your not the only one in this sort of boat!
Maybe if you go slow and make sure your very relaxed and everything before you try to do it, i know you've proberbly tried everything you can think of, but thats all i can think of!

Sarah,VIC 18mth daughter

i didn't have such a big tear myself, but my daughter was born on the 20/11/03, just one day after Natalie!!

SaM, EviE NoV 03 AnD TuLLy AuG 05

with my 1st baby i had a 3rd degree tear and i know exactly what you mean it hurt like hell to have sex. but it gets better its just the scar tissue just need lots of lub get some from the chemist it will help a lot.
i have reciently had another bub and thank god this one was oinly 2nd degree and its not nearly as bad to have sex this time..just keep at it it gets better smile

What a tricky one - my son was born 3 months ago and I escaped with only a few grazes but sex is still uncomfortable. In saying that though - plenty of lubricant and a condom helps immensely but myself and my hubby are wondering when the tenderness will subside!

Mum to Jonathan

Not a topic to be embaressed about.I have a ten week old baby and didnt have sex till he was 8 weeks old had a normal birth no stitches or any other problems and i find that sex is absolutely agonising I dred bedtime because I know that sex will come up at that time I have got to the point I am scared of sex I thought I was abnormal and its not abnormal to think of sex after having a baby this is my 4th baby and this is the first time I have had any problems.

tam 10 week old baby

hello, My daughter is 8 weeks old and i did post a topic for myself. As we tried to do it at 7.5 weeks but it was so sore. So by all u lovely people said to use heaps of ky and have heaps of foreplay and it worked. I was on top so i could be in "control" it was alittle weird but then when things got going it was good. I had third degree tears in 2 places. Yes ouch!.. Just takes time to get the groove back in the bedroom smile

Karen - Jasmine 14/1/05 & Damon 31/1/07


I feel crazy now... I had 5 stitches after I gave birth and resumed sex 3 weeks later- I had read that you are supposed to wait for at least 4 weeks but when I asked my midwife she told me that as long as I felt ready then go for it. The first time was werid but not at all painful but the second time was uncomfortable... I completely agree that lots of KY is good for the situation though.
But congrats anyway on getting passed it... I think if I'd have a nasty tear then I would have waited a long time


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