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11 weeks old, and still no bonding Lock Rss

My daughter is 11 weeks old, and it feels as though we havent bonded, Like other people have said, it feels like I just do the basic necessities for her. I dont feel anything when she cries, when shes sad...

She never took to the breast, and I feel like a failure when it comes to that.

I havent seen anyone about how I feel because i have had depression before, and I hated the medication that I was on, it made me feel worse, like I was in a daze all the time. And I dont want to be forced onto it again.

I havent talked to my fiance about this, but i think he can feel it between us.

I tell her I love her, but i dont know..

Am i a bad mum? Will i ever really love my daughter?? How can i help this ? Please help me..

.... Rachel

I love my babies .....

Hey Rachel,
I know how your feeling all to well. When lachlan was about your daughters age I would just sit there with him on the floor, feed him and just wanna put him back to bed, I just couldn't play with him.
I was suffering pretty bad depression but I never talked to everyone for ages and it got worse. I think even talking to anyone. no matter who, it made me feel so much better.
I would talk to a dr or even get an online buddy to talk to who wont judge you. I felt all my friends who never had a baby just didn't and couldn't get it.
If you wanna talk you can add me to your msn
[email protected]
You are not a bad mother, you are not a failure and you will get thru it. Trust me smile


Rebecca, Wattle Grove NSW

Hi Rachel
First of all you are not a bad mother - its the PND distorting your emotions. Been there done that.
And dont feel bad that you couldnt breast feed your daughter - Im sure shows growing like a weed. Plenty of mother's for whatever reason are unable to.
You really have to talk to someone about this because if you dont resolve it, it could go on for years and you will never feel right.
If you get diagnosed with PND its not your fault - its all the hormones and biochemical imbalances in your brain. If you were prescribed meds and didnt like them, go to a different doctor or try another med - there's heaps now and they're much better. It has to be better than how you're feeling now and it definately affects bonding (been there felt that).
I'm been on Lexapro for about 3 months and I felt the difference within 1 week. It was so good not be controlled by PND.
So go and find someone you trust to talk things thru. Have you looked up the Beyond Blue website?
Good luck and dont beat yourself up - your daughter loves you because you are her mummy.

Sharyn, Qld, 5yr & 6mth boys

Hey Rachel,

Keep your chin up! As has been said you're not a bad Mummy, it's all part of being a woman and having a million hormones running through your system.

I began to get PND when bubs was 6 weeks old and I spoke with the Social worker at the Child Health clinic. She was great, she doesn't medicate you and is there to talk to you. She may suggest / refer you to your Doctor but maybe that's a start.

Keep up the good work. When i don't know what to do to entertain Jessica I put on a CD of classical music (calms me as well) or her nursery rhyme CD and I sing along - she usually giggles, probably at my lack of tone.....this atleast occupies some time. My wee girl is 11 weeks old today.

Any reason why you haven't talked to your Fiance? Would he not understand or are you afraid to open up to him? You never know he may surprise you and make you feel a whole lot better. When i spoke with my husband about it with me, he told me I was silly because he could see I was a great Mum, and he was then so much more supportive. He would make sure I had time for me when he was home like walks on the beach, a drive in my car by myself, even just going for a cappuccino.

Hang in there and I'm and sure you really do love your daughter but just can't show it at the moment.

Thinking of you

Karen, BNE

Hi Rachel,
I posted a while back about not bonding with my daughter who was then 6 weeks. She's now 9 weeks and things haven't improved in fact i'd say they've gotten worse.
Its 7:15am and both my girls are in bed but i'm up............crying, why?! I have absolutely no bond with my little girl and i feel like a complete failure.
I don't feel anything except resentment and frustration when she cries or is really upset. She's a very fussy, irritable child and that makes it really bad..
To make things worse every time she spends time with someone else looking after her all they say is how good she is (no feeding problems, settles fine etc.). It just makes me ask myself "what am i doing wrong?"
I haven't really talked to my fiance about it either, he thinks i'm an overly emotional person anyway and that i'm probably just "tired".
I have finally decided to go and see a doctor as most mums here have advised.
I'm sorry i've totally made this about me and my big miserable sob story, i probably shouldn't post when i'm feeling like this....
Anyway i just want you to know i can relate to your feelings and I really hope things work out for you and your daughter!!

Sarah, mum of Natalie & Jessica

hey there,
i know exactly how you feel my lil one was born on 25.12.05 and it took me 3 months to tell her i loved her. i wouldnt even push her pram. its an aweful feeling. i was about to get on anti depressants whewn i read in a book that one method to try to increase bonding was to picture someone trying to hurt them. sounds crude but it worked wonders for me. completely turned it all around within a few days. its worth a shot. i know how scary and potentially dangerous those feelings can be so best to try and get ontop of the situation as soon as possible and talk about it with your partner. it will help. Best of luck it will get better

mel, gold coast, 10mth DD

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