Am I over thinking this situation?

HI,
I am a mother of two gorgeous boys ages 5 and 3. I have been with my husband for 8years and married for just over 12 months. I work part-time also.
My husband and I have had a lot of ups and downs, but in the last couple of years and its getting worse. The biggest issue with have with our relationship is sex, I have little or no sex drive (I have seen doctors about this and tried many things to get it back) my partner gets very frustrated and cranky with me at least every 2nd night we fight about it. He knows how I feel about it and that my drive is low yet he thinks I should still be able to just do it- even when a do it and I don't feel like it he knows this and will complain after it that it was boring as im not into it and its not enough for him :S
If I don't "give" him any he wont speak to me-only has a comment like "I don't know whats wrong with you" . "you are making me feel lonely". I completely understand a relationship requires sex, I really do - I try and be affectionate to make him stop feeling "lonely" like kissing him telling him I love him cuddling him etc but he just gets more frustrated with me as its not enough? ! ?
It literally does my head in and I feel as though I cannot take it anymore
Am I overreacting ? I really feel as though he will never be happy

No I don't think you're overreacting. I don't think either of you can be happy without a resolution. I've been in both positions of being the one with little to no libido and the one with a partner that has little to no desire to have sex. Both are unhappy positions to be in.
The former means you start gearing your life around ways to avoid sex and the issue of sex and start finding your partner repugnant, particularly if they are 'pushing' the situation. The latter you feel repugnant and rejected and frustrated. Both mean that the idea of sex is overblown in your mind, takes on much more significance and leads to really negative thoughts toward your partner.
You said you have sought medical advice? What about therapy for you and/or your husband?
Sexless relationships only work if you are both happy with the situation.

That makes perfect sense and I really appreciate your opinion. Your right it will not work, and that's what I have told my husband.
I have talked to doctors they have done bloods etc to see if there is a reason for the low libido, I have taken a few types of herbal tablets to see if they can help.
Do you mean it might be an idea to talk to a sex counsellor or something like that?

Yes, a sex therapist but even just a therapist. Your low libido might be a physiological issue but it also might be a psychological matter related to control, intimacy, fear, anger or any other emotional aspect. I'm not entirely certain what a sex therapist covers in their practice but your body isn't going to respond sexually if your mind won't allow it. Even if you found a way to augment your desire with pills or supplements I would imagine that you might have some mental hoops to jump through first.
I really do hope you find a solution for yourself, it's a really sucky situation. Personally, if you are happy being a sexless person then I don't think there is an issue but clearly your relationship will suffer as a result.
On a side note, your husband also needs to find a way meet you in the middle on this. You might never become a total match for his desire so it's also up to him to learn how to manage his sexuality in conjunction with yours.
All the best. smile

Just wanted to say I lost my libido due to chronic health issues. My hubbie understands & is very supportive.

Not trying to rub it in or anything but your hubbie needs to get to a point where he is supportive & understanding. In our case every few months I try to make my hubbie happy so to speak but I am just not into it but my hubbie understands & accepts that. Therapy would be a great idea for you guys. I wish you well & hope it works out. Xx

GarfieldRules wrote:
Just wanted to say I lost my libido due to chronic health issues. My hubbie understands & is very supportive.

Not trying to rub it in or anything but your hubbie needs to get to a point where he is supportive & understanding. In our case every few months I try to make my hubbie happy so to speak but I am just not into it but my hubbie understands & accepts that. Therapy would be a great idea for you guys. I wish you well & hope it works out. Xx

I'm the same, I used to be a total nymph and it would be my DH turning me down . Now. My chronic pain has taken away any form of intimacy it's just too painful. You really neddie to talk to him, and maybe look at others ways of being intimate without have to have sex, massage, cuddles etc

He is being quite selfish i personally think. When you loved someone, sometimes you just can't think with your penis.
They don't understand that sometimes our bodies shut down sexually.
I'm exactly like you. I have nothing in me sexual. Can't DO anything about it. It's just the way it is. Being pressured won't help. Just makes you angry at them.
He needs to try and understand. You can't help it. And sex without wanting to do it makes a person wither inside a bit.

Could you try and do something to get yourself in the mood before bedtime and the pressure is on? Not sure what floats your boat but use your imagination lol.....'toys', a saucy story or movie, fantasising etc I dunno. This could just help you get started before he comes along? And also then you can be the instigator at times as you will actually be wanting it and he'll love that instead of always being the one to ask for it.