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Mother inlaw issue. Lock Rss

I had my twin girls 9 months ago 6 weeks early by c section. This ment I was in recovery and my little girls were in special care staright after birth. I had informed the family i was in labour but told them not to arrive at hospital until i was ready knowing it would be a while before i saw my babies once born. I had also made it clear thoughout my pregnacy I didnt want anyone other than my partner at the hospital until I had had time to meet my babies, I mean just a few hours not days or anything. Mother in law ignored this and without my knowledge at the time was down in special care meeting my girls before I had while i was in recovery. I didnt say anything at the time because obviously it was not the time to cause conflict and havnt said anything since because again I dont want to cause conflict and by confronting her is not going to give me back that special time of being the first meet my girls. Im problem is I resent her for it and its eating up me up inside??? Any suggestions on what I should do?? Or am I just being selfish??

2twinbubs

I have no suggestions on what you should do but I think that your MIL was extremely selfish and disrespectful. I certainly wouldn't be happy that anyone other than my partner had seen my newborn babies before me, I would be extremely upset. I think she was very rude.

I think you need to tell her how you feel. Anyone with half a brain or respect for you would have waited. If you don't have it out and resolve it you will always have it festering away and one day it could come out in a less than diplomatic way. Have your talked to your DH about his feelings on what happened?
Yes have spoken to him to the response who cares what are you going to do about it. Do do agree a probably need to talk to her or will out come bursting out on day. Shes a very controlling women to corrects me when I say 'my girls' because there not there 'our girls'!!!!

2twinbubs

Oh u poor thing, i would be so upset if anyone other than my partner got to meet my babies before i did so no i dont think you are being selfish at all. It also doesnt sound as though your partner will have your back concerning anything to do with his mother so i think you need to talk to him about that too as if he doesnt support you about his mother then its going to be a long hard battle for you ahead. So i would talk to your partner first and then when you talk to ur mil make sure he backs you up about how you feel about it and make sure he tells his mother that she was in the wrong.
Some things you sort of need to let slide even if it's annoying and frustrating like her saying that they are "our girls" at least she hasnt called herself their mum yet like my mil did.
Hope i have helped and i'm always here if you need a vent.
How are your little bubs doing now?

Girls are great thanks, thriving! Doing everthing for the real age not corrected and are nearly off the chart with there weight.

2twinbubs

Thats so horrible..you made me think of my birth and i imagined if i had a C section and my MIL did that, and i was bought to tears just thinking of it!! That must really be messing you around abit..There isnt anything you can do to get that time back..But maybe all you need is a sincere apology from her? I know that when my MIL hurts me, what hurts the most is that she never ever once says sorry for it..Maybe you should sit down with her over a cup of coffee and explain how you feel, tell her that she shouldnt of been there and explain wat she took away from you!! If she does apologise, u might feel better..If she doesnt then at least you have it off your chest and then maybe your partner needs to step in and do something!! Good luck, im sorry to hear that!
Hi Renee

Am going to go against the grain here and suggest that you don't say anything about this specific issue- the main reason being- what's the point? It won't change what happened, probably won't change anything in the future but will just cause even more negativity within your family. It might make you feel better for a little while, but from what I've read it will probably just get your MIL back up even more and give her reason (not that she needs any iykwim) to push your buttons even further.

About the 'our girls' crap - the best way to handle that one perhaps is next time she corrects you make a joke out of it saying, thats weird, I don't remember you walking around with an enormous belly for 9 months or something like that.

Most important consideration here is your girls (sorry, our girls!) and while I'm not trying to disregard your feelings in any way, shape or form, but by you keeping the peace on matters you can give your girls a lovely family childhood. What I mean here is with a little perspective on the things your MIL says/does are annoying, frustrating but don't really need to impact upon your girls and their relationship with their grandmother, and the family dynamics, I think you should let things go.

My memory of childhood family gatherings is just awesome, I have 10 cousins on each side and we would run around having an absolute ball. Wasn't til I was a teenager that I realised the level of tension in the air, and saw for myself that my fahter's mother was horrid to my mother, and my mother's brother was horrid to my father! They dealt with things in their own way and never did it impact on us. I only hope I have the strength of will to do the same, as sometimes after a couple of hours with my MIL I'm ready to stick a fork in my eye!

When your girls are older and your MIL says something outrageous, you can find a nice way with your girls to roll your eyes at each other with a look that says 'oh look, nanna's being a nutbag again,' without personalising it so much. I'm not suggesting let things slide that are deeply against your parenting, beliefs etc but the little things. And I'm also not suggesting that what you experienced when your cherubs were born is a little thing either, its massive, but its done and can't be reversed.

Sorry about the short story here but was thinking about your post and wanted to give you a good response, if that makes sense?

All the best,

Holly
The same thing happened to me and I know exactly how you feel, my son was born by emergency c section and I was put to sleep. I woke up in recovery alone terrified, wondering if my son was ok, the nurse would say he was fine and then walk away really quickly and close the curtain and wouldn't answer any other questions so I was convinced somthing had gone wrong.

When I finally got back to maternity ward (2 hours later) I found out my MIL and my partner and older son had all seen my baby, held him and knew everything was ok, and MIL and my other son had already left (it was midnight).I never saw my sons first meeting with his brother which I also hate. My son turned 2 in March and I have never said any thing to my MIL because I also didn't wasnt to cause conflict and I didn't feel like any thing she said would make me feel any better, but it still annoys me that she held him before I did.

I would think of it that way, will any thing she says make you feel better, she may apologise but you still can't change what has happened. You will never be happy with what has happened but I think you just get used to it over time. Try to think of all the other first things that YOU will be there for, crawling, walking, talking there is so much to come!!
Thank you everyone for your suggestions and comments. ALL every helpful and nice to know im not alone.

2twinbubs

I am so scared of this issue coming up that i am transfering from my original hospital to another because my mil is a midwife at the original hospital and I don't want her thinking its her right to be there for those first few wonderful moments.
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