Huggies Forum

Huggies® Ultimate
Nappies

Learn More

Jealous Dad Rss

Ive just recently become a single mum and my babys father is so jelous and insecure of everything. The biggest problem is his jelousy. He gets upset at the smallest and silliest things. I know its important to include the father but he just goes overboard. I put Ashton (my baby) in the pool and he got so upset and angry that I did it because he wasnt there. We decided to take Ashton to see Santa so I got him all dressed up and did his hair and when I got to his fathers house he got so angry that I had gotten him ready without him. Other things are when Ashton saw the christmas tree he got upset cause he wasnt there. When he ate solid food (first banana) , first chocolate etc. He explodes over the most stupidest things. Should I be more sympathetic or is this just really weird. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm getting in trouble all the time and I'm terrified to do anything new with him in case he has a heart attack about it? He still thinks he has controll of my life and I just don't know what to do any more. Please give me some advice.
Lisa,
Hi there, you sound like you need someone to talk to.
Firstly, you say you've just recently became a single mum so your priority should be you and your son. How old is Ashton?
Secondly, tell the dad that it is just a fact of life that he will miss out on things at times. You can only do your best and at least you are still including him. Ask him if you have to wait until he is there so that you can change Ashton's nappy!!!
Yes he is being a tad bit unreasonable. It also isn't good for Ashton to see him carry on the way you say he is. I can understand him missing his son but at least he still has access to him - I bet there are a lot of dads out there that wish they knew everytime their kid did something new.
Hang in there girl, take back control of your life.
Kirstie
Hi Lisa,

I agree with Kristie comments..

Not every parent can be there all the time, my husband & I work full time and Corey is at Daycare or Mum & Dad's place. And there is things that he does there that I don't get to see, but that is just life. He needs to get over it and be more concerned about what he is doing.

"Lisa,
Hi there, you sound like you need someone to talk to. Firstly, you say you've just recently became a single mum so your priority should be you and your son. How old is Ashton?
Secondly, tell the dad that it is just a fact of life that he will miss out on things at times. You can only do your best and at least you are still including him. Ask him if you have to wait until he is there so that you can change Ashton's nappy!!!
Yes he is being a tad bit unreasonable. It also isn't good for Ashton to see him carry on the way you say he is. I can understand him missing his son but at least he still has access to him - I bet there are a lot of dads out there that wish they knew everytime their kid did something new.
Hang in there girl, take back control of your life."

Michelle, mum to Corey 14/3/03 - Bankstown

Hi Lisa

I agree with the advice that Kristie and Michelle have given, your priority is yourself and your son.

Unfortunately, we can not be there for our kids milestones all the time. My husband is working whilst I am on maternity leave and he has missed out on things such as her saying Dadda the first time, but as I say, it is still a first time for you when you hear her talk, crawl etc, so it is still just as special, even if someone else heard/saw first, it is not about keeping score.

Hang in there and I hope the situation eases for you, but do try and talk to your ex partner about your concerns regarding his behaviour, he might not now he is being unreasonable and overreacting.



HappyMummy, Qld

hi lisa,
i totally agree with what the others have said and i think that the father should stop acting like the baby and appreciate that he has a son and enjoy what time he has with him i have a 5 1/2 mnth old girl and my partner was in a serious car accident 5 weeks ago and has missed her first and second tooth,she said dada and other little things she's done and he doesn't get angry he feels a little left out i'll be honest but we have no choice at the moment and this could go on for the next 12 mths who knows.just take care of yourself and ashton(whatta cool name),thats more important than anything else goodluck yasmin

duckysmum

Id just like to say thanks to all of you who replied. Your thoughts really helped. For Kristie Ashton is 9 1/2 months. So yeah Joseph (ex) is going to miss out on a lot. Today he stood by himself for about 30 seconds without holding on to anything and Im not sure weather to tell him or not. I know that if it was me id want to know weather I was there or not. But you've all made me feel better. Sometimes I think it is me who is over reacting, but thanks to your reasurance I know its not. Its great to have someone to talk to.
Hi Lisa, I don't know your ex so it's hard to judge but it sounds to me like this is a way he can 'punish' you. By reacting the way he does he gets to take away your enjoyment of your son's milestones. A lot of the time when you are a single mum it doesn't take long for the father to work out what a powerful weapon a mothers love can be.

I left my sons father when I was three months pregnant due to his drug problems and controlling nature. I though during my pregnancy, that I would try and offer him the opportunity to still be involved and maintain some sort of friendship. I just found that every time I told him anything about the baby he would through it at me that he was and would always miss out. He continued to use this until my first nite home from hospital when I simply had enough and had my phone disconected. I haven't heard from him since.

I went and saw a counciller for my own peace of mind and perhaps you should do the same. Ask your GP for any affordable reccomendations. I found the lady I spoke to gave me some really good tools for dealing with the situation. There is also the National Council of Single Mothers and they have thier own website. Good luck. Be strong.
Lisa,
If you want to try a counsellor "Relationships Australia" offer a variety of people.

I'm glad we've all been able to make you feel better. I suggest that if you feel that the right thing to do is to tell your ex when Ashton has a first then just do it. If he starts to go off just tell him it's his problem and he has to deal with it and that you just want to keep him informed. Do what you feel is right.

Take care
Kirstie
I have a 14 months old daughter and have been separated from my husband for 6 months. He has OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and your ex sounds very similar to him. I had to do things like wait an extra month to give Lucy solids so that he could be around to be the one to give them to her. He was living with us at the time but just kept putting it off because he had other things he wanted to do when it was a good time for her. He did many things like this and always had a way of making me feel guilty.
I now tell him when I'm planning to do something (even if it's just an sms on the mobile) and when he complains that he can't make it, I tell him 'that's Ok, it's your choice' and don't let myself get caught up in anything else he says. He now knows he can't manipulate me the way he used to and is giving me much more respect than he ever did.
I saw a councellor, with him for his problems, and she told me eventually to not bother coming back with him as he wasn't going to change and I should take care of myself and my daughter instead of worrying about how he feels so much.

Good Luck, be strong.

You can contact me on pbhill@bigpond.com.

Broni.

Lucy's Mum

i can kinda see his point of view. you were his before and now there is a new dependant life in yours that comes before him it takes time to adjust after having a baby it takes a bit to get used to the idea there is someone else more important than anything in your life. he'll get over it... if not its his problem.

narelle

Narelle, Eilish 5th june 2002 TTC since dec 2002

I think we all miss out on stuff some of the time. I stay home with my baby all day and I still missed out on her first crawl because I was in the shower and today she sat up by herself from a crawling position and I didn't see because I was cooking her dinner so missing out on some things is inevitable and just because he might miss out doesn't mean that you should stall Ashtons development, I think he just needs to be told to get over himself and make the most of what time he does have with him!!!!!

Erin,W.A. kids 12,5,2 and 1

lisaSD,
he has no control over your life. he is still the baby's father, but you both have to understand that because you's are not together he will miss out on stuff that your baby does!! he just wants to make sure he sees everything and approve of what you do. i don't think you should be sympathetic. if you are he will win and control you more...
tell the father to stop being jealous, and that everything can't be done his way! you need to be firm yet strong on your words with him!!!!if you include him on most things that your son does, i see no reason why he is jealous. he should be happy that you include him in your baby's life!
to be honest, if i was in that situation, i wouldn't want the father to be around, not if he is always trying to control how YOU raise your boy...
Sign in to follow this topic