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should i leave Lock Rss

yes at times my partner is the most fantasic father
yes at times......
we have been fighting for weeks now
he tells me his main priority in life at the moment is drinking with his mates,his only a young father at 24 but thats no excusse i know
i am 20 and since bub was born have done EVERYTHING ie:cooking ,cleaning,washing,bathing,nappies,feeding,absolutley everything!!!
i have been so run doen with the flu and just cant cope
i feel like a single mum
yes this may be too much information but we havnt had sex in 4 weeks(and it "was" daily)
he has his priorities all wrong but cant see it.
ive told him im leaving tommorrow im going to stay with my wonderful SIL till he sorts himself out...but what if he doesnt,i love him soooooooo much and he loves me and Lillie to death,he just says that if i let him spend all this time with his mates he'll be happier...but i will still be doing everything.im so confused i want to to right by Lillie but dont i deserve the right to be happy and treated with love and respect????

Lillie....1 year old!!!

Hey Mimmy,
It sounds like you need a break and going to some one that can take care of you and the baby for a couple of days can really sort your head out .I'm married 31 and have 3 children 2 girls 7 & 4 and boy 10 mths old. My husband is self employed and works very long hours so at time I feel like I'm a single mum too Being in the house all day by your self with the Kids can drive you nuts I often find myself looking for the grown up then relise that is me and I have to take care of these kids.
i m not going to tell you to leave but definatly take some time out if you have support and yes he does have his Priortites mixed up when he says he his happier with his mates .I f he dosn't sort himself out then don't wast your time with him .One thing I've learnt since I've been married for 9 years {we've been together for 15} Is not to have any expectations because as soon as you do you'll be diappointed so I've learnt not to expect my husband home at any particular time any more and I don't expect hime to be home on weekends and I don't expect him to do anything to help me because as soon as I do expect any thing then it never happens and I get really upset . But on the very rare occations he is around it becomes a suprise and suprises are better than expectations so on a light note don't exspect to get help but be suprised when it happens.Chin up things always look better after a good night sleep.
Regards Trish
Mimmy,

Here I go again puttin my two bobs worth in....

Men have this very strange way of needing to be kept.. if someone is there who will cook, clean and pick up after them, they are quite happy to let it happen.

My hubby is great dont get me wrong, but he quite easily can walk through the kitchen on his way to bed see that there are dishes in the sink and keep going!
This can be very frustrating at times also.

I often feel like a single mum also, he does shiftwork and being at home all day after being a full time worker makes it feel a bit constricted at times.

As for the drinking.. while I am not walking in either of your shoes. I think it comes down to priority. If my hubby was always out with mates it would not go down well with me.
Have you tried to comprimise with each other - say he spends so many nights with his mates. Or there are scheduled family times.s

While I encourage him to have time to himself and I like some time to myself there is also family time.

I think time away will do both wonders.. maybe you should look at it as a holiday time out than separation. I am sure you will appreciate each other more. Without the break up feeling as I am sure neither of you want it.

I think too when we are sick that we expect them to know to pick up the slack some more and help out but remember they are male and sometimes clueless!

As for the sex... daily... have you got to be kidding! LOL
oh mimmy,u poor bugger ur havn a bit of a rough trot arnt u?i know its so hard wen it feels like u do everyhing on ur own.my other half works long hours so i know wot its like but on the other hand i live with MIL so she is always there if i need her.maybe u guys just need a little break and he might realise hey this isnt wot i want i miss my mimmy and my bubba lilly so much.sometimes thats all it takes 4 these men to realise how silly they r sometimes.im sure u guys will work things out but i just wanted u 2 know that im hear 4 u and im thinking of u.and please let me know how u go.hugs 4 u and lilliexxx
Hi its katrina look i cant say i know how you feel but i would like to think if i was in that situation i would try to have a break and hopefully he would realise how much you both really mean to him and how horrible it would be to lose the two of you forever. i know its easier said then done but i know when my partner goes away for a few days when he gets back he actually is happy to see me. i hope things work out for you all

katrina,nsw,mum, of, 2girls

Hey Mimmy - sorry I missed this post, I rarely come into this section. It all makes sense now, sorry I haven't been able to chat to you much lately darling. What a rough trot you are having, its all happening at such a bad time.

This may be a big call, but I would give it a bit more time to be honest. I think its such a hard adjustment for any couple, regardless of age. I agree, that you deserve to be happy and certainly be treated with love and respect. It sounds like there could be a few issues there for you guys, not only as a couple, but as parents and as individuals. I think you owe it to yourself and your DD to do all that you can - before packing your bags as such. Having said that, it takes two to tango - and if your DP isn't going to start to make some compromises or deal with the issues, then your options are reduced.

Firstly, I would find some-one to help you first up - have you some one to confide in, family, friend, social worker (etc)? Your making decisions for three now, so its a lot of pressure for one little beautiful mummy to make. I know our CHN can help out a lot with relationship issues as its so common once a bub comes along. I can't help but worry about you now. You take care of number 1 - YOU !!!

DD is 3yr 8 months - DS is 6 months

Hi mimmy his main importain thing that he should worried about is you and lillie not drinking with his mates and the age is no excuse and plus you are only 20 and you a doing a wonderful job with lillie,

Maybe you both have to sit down with each other and work out where you want to be and what in life cause its not worth staying in a relationship were you arent happy and not being treated with love and respect cause they are really importain in a relationship and mimmy I know how you feel but I didnt have a child so that was abit different.

Mimmy dont know what to say to make you feel better but I know that you a strong and that you will do the right thing for you and lillie but you both deserve to be happy, love and have respect. Sometimes love does hurt and love didnt fix everything that happens and what did your partner say when you said that you a leaving and taking lillie? was he upset and scared?

Chat soon and keep strong and we are there do you always

Tracey,Jaye (girl)12/06/05, Sam (boy)10/07/09

Hi Mimmy,

Guys can react really funny to the sexy beast in their life giving birth ... they can be so very selfish at times and not notice what else is going on in the world ... is it worth it?

Maybe ask him what he thinks life would be like without you and Lillie ...

Good luck x

Nicole & Sebastian, TASSIE

You should leave now!
i know Exactly wat ur going thru but worst...
He left me alone every weekend i was pregnant so he could go drinking with his mates then he'd drag his drunk ass home to my parents house(i live with them im only 17) 1 night when i was 8mths pregnant he thru up allover me, the bed, the carpet ,himself and i ended cleaning it and him up (cold shower) he slept threw my labour, only visited me twice in hospital,i have done everything for 'our' baby. he told me he didnt feel close 2 my bub coz shes a girl! When she was 8 weeks old he askedif it was okay to cheat on me coz he couldnt go much longer without sex. between feeding changing, feeding and putting my bub 2 sleep if i had any free time i used it to sleep instead of satisfying him....I love my baby and wouldnt change a thing about her. I should have ended my relationship wit him after the sperm donation.....Find Someone who will make you happy! Babies are at least a 2 person job!!!
hey mimmy,
i dont know if you are still having issues with your man but i thought i would reply anyways,
your guys relationship sounds like ours! troy does help alot, like if i cook - he does the dishes, he does the lawns, he cleans up after himself (msot of the time!) but it still never seems like enough! i guess he dosent help me emotionally, which is the most frustrating thing...
we broke up a few nights ago, and u know what it feels like a HUGE weight has been lifted off my chest. i thought i would be really upset and crying hysterically, but i havent really had a good cry yet. i guess its coz it hasnt sunk in properly coz he hasnt moved out.and in a way - i cant wait till he does move out :S
if you ever need to talk, you know where i am! next time ur online we can have a big b*tch about men...get the claws out!
take care chick talk soon xoxox
my little fellow, 3 months, has changed alot of our social outings. My husband and i have 'spoke about these changes annd it wasn';t easy at first. We started date' nights for "our time"and sometimes they are picnics at home!
When a boys night comes up, we talk about it and we have 'limited' them. Eg. you get one(this month), so chose a good one or if something comes up, set a curfew. it sounds harsh, but this way hes not leaving you all the time and your not feeling/being left out.
Do you have friends with kids? Try and organse activites so your parnter can see snd realise he can have a life with you and your little one.
Hope this helps.
Remember, you are strong and if it comes to it, you can do it by yourself. Good luck.

Zoe, Qld

hay mimmy
i read your post and i could swear i was reading my own life!!!!
i am so in an identical situation. my partner is also you as am i and i have had many fights with him about his priorities!!!! But being a stubborn male he doesnt listen so i called it off. this shocked him as i said i didn't want anything to do with him unless it was visiting of discussing our daughter. I think that made him think (not change) but think and after that he did make a little more effort of though only short lived and in spurts when he feels like it. I just decided that i have to respect myself and my baby more than that and not be with someone who does his own thing doesnt respect me or think he needs to help. I mean im 20 the same age as him and young also what makes him think hes intitled to more fun than me and to do less. But at least i can take all the credit for my beautiful daughter which can only be good. And now theres noone who can disapoint me or that i have to rely on but myself. I dont need my daughter growing up with his bad example and neither do you!!!!
hope everything goes well post me back!!!!

Holly, 6mth baby

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