Feeling Guilty

Hi everyone! I am feeling as the title says...GUILTY! This is because I have bottlefed both my children!! I mean I would have happily breastfed them but I couldn't because my first just would take the breast, no matter how much I tried and my second my milk, for some reason, dried up, just when I thought I could!! I always get hit with a big feeling of guilt whenever I hear or read that breast is best because naturally it is and I feel I have failed my kids as I couldn't breastfeed! Why do I have to feel this way? Does anyone else ever feel the same? Please don't bag people who bottle feed as there might be a good reason why they do it and you might just make some one, like me, feel really horrible for bottle feeding!!

Don't feel guilty. I know exactly how you feel.
My son wouldnt take the breast and after battling him with it for the first few months I finally saw the light and put him on the bottle. Wow, what a change it made to him and to our household. We all know that breast is best but there are just some times when breast is NOT best and we have to be allowed to make that decision without being made to feel guilty and complete failures. I actually got to the point where I became very angry at the 'breast is best' campaigners as it was creating all this pressure and anxiety at a time when things where already tough enough. I read a great article that explained that while breastfeeding is the best option, we as parents, must decide at what cost. For parents like myself I decided that the cost of perservering with breastfeeding was a very unhappy baby, a miserable mother, a tense father and a chaotic household. Once switching to the bottle my son gained weight, slept beautifully and was much happier. My perserverence with the breast meant that my son was unhappy and hungry all because i was too afraid emotionally to give it up. The decision to bottle feed does not come lightly and we make it in the best interests of our child. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty. Instead enjoy your children, after all, they are happy and healthy and this is what really matters

Hi
I know exactly how you feel. I would have loved more than anything to breastfeed my baby girl (now 6months) and tried for the first 4weeks but she had problems feeding and i got really sick with an awful cold and between the cold, her not feeding properly and no sleep my milk dried up and she was constantly hungry so i made the decision to put her on the bottle and felt terrible for it, my dr even put the guilts on me when she got my cold, he said that her best chance of getting better quickly was to have the antibodies from my breastmilk but since i gave up feeding her there wasnt anything i could do to help her get better... i felt like i'd failed her. BUT a couple of days on the bottle, i started to feel less run down, she stopped crying 24/7 and started being happier. Definately the right decision for us and i thnk thats what matters! I'll try again with my next baby but certainly wont let meself feel so rotten if it doesnt work out!
Everyone is different and although apparently "breast is best" its certainly not for everyone.
Bel

Thanks for your reply NS! I know I shouldn't feel guilty for they way I have chosen to feed my children but the 'breast is best' is everywhere, especially in the change rooms! The hospitals enforce it so much that I got postnatal depression because I was made to feel I wasn't trying good enough to feed my son! What made me decide to put him on the bottle was the fact that he had lost about 600gm, which is too much for a baby - still the check-up nurses said not to bottle feed him! What was I suppose to do...let him starve to death? This second time round when I knew my milk was drying up (I was expressing to try to encourage more milk) I didn't hesitate to put her straight on the bottle, but I still copped a lot of flak for putting her onto the bottle, again apparently I wasn't trying hard enough! How can we not fell so bad when it is pushed so hard to breastfeed? I think hospitals should encourage however the mother wants to feed, it might stop a lot of PND!!

Hi Mum78,
What's best for your baby, is to have regular feeds. It doesn't matter whether it is breast or bottle, as long as you are both happy and healthy. Who can tell by looking at a baby, how they are fed? I breastfed all three of my kids, but I was lucky. I can breastfed. My Mum couldn't. Neither could anyone in my family. I was the lucky one. My brother and sister and myself are all healthly, so being bottlefed never hurt us, or the millions of other bottle fed babies out there in the world. Don't take any notice of the narrow minded people out there that think breastfeeding is the "only" way to feed your baby. Take care.
Tracey

Hi mum78,
I feel the same. I wish so much that I could have breastfed. I am actually hoping to god that I will be able to next time. My first is a very healthy boy but I still wish to breastfeed next time. I do though think I made the best choice at the time, otherwise I would have gone crazy!! I dont think people realise that it hurts when they comment.

Don't feel guilty at all!!! Sometimes there is too much pressure put on us women to breastfeed - But reality these days is some of us can't. I tried for 2 weeks and my bub lost lots of weight and I was feeding every 1-2 hours and was totally exhausted. This was not good for me, bubs or my partner and at the end of the day if the mother is not happy then nobody in the household will be happy!! There is nothing wrong with bottle feeding and these days the formulas are very much like breast milk. I never had any bonding issues either. Just enjoy your children each day. Hope the way you are feeling will soon ease after you read some of these comments.

I too felt guilty when I couldn't BF. But in all honesty, now I feel that I have bonded so much better with my DD and get enjoyment out of seeing her have a bottle with her dad as well! I know all the pressure out there and I know how good BM is for babies but in the end, isn't love, regular feeds, weight gain, good sleep just as good for them? Who can tell when you have babies all lined up in a row who is BF and who is bottle fed? It is impossible! So don't feel guilty anymore, your children are going to love you even though you didn't BF and they are going to be happy and healthy! We, as mothers who formula feed, should take a stand against all the "breast feeding nazi's" out there and tell them - stop making us feel guilty!

Mum78

DON'T feel GUILTY.
I bottlefed BOTH my kids and they are no different to kids that have been breastfed. I did'nt even try & breastfeed. I was once told that if you stood 5 kids in a line at the age of 5 could u tell which kids were breastfed,which kid got his/her 1st tooth,which one crawled 1st etc etc. NO WAY
SO NO MORE GUILT OK

See Ya

Bec

Hi mum78,
Iam a mother that was lucky enough to breastfeed and really feel for people like yourself. I think you should not at all feel guilty. Is your baby healthy and content,thats all that really matter's. The main advantage from breast feeding I think is that it is alot easierand cheaper. I know of a bottle fed baby and my son Cody who was breast fed and hey their both normal, healthy and happy babies.
So you lose that guilt cos your an amazing woman just in the fact that you gave birth to such a wonderful little person

Stacey

Many thanks for all of you who have written comments to me on this subject! I know I have made the right choice in formula feeding my kids! They are definitely healthy as my son has only been sick 2 times and my daughter not at all!! My son is a healthy 21.5kg at 3yo and my daughter is 6.2kg at 3.5 months! Hearing all your comments has made me feel better! I was beginning to think that everyone was breastfeeding and rarely anyone formula fed! I think you don't hear of many mother's formula feeding because of the whole 'breast is best' thing and how it is enforced everywhere and us mother's that do bottle feed feel ashamed that we can't feed the way mother nature intended us to! Does that make any sense? I feel I am being looked upon when bottle feeding as not a real mum! I know this is not true as I am as good a mum as any mum who breastfeeds! Once again thanks for all the support and I hope that all these comments help other women out there feeling the same way! If anyone would like to email me my address is j_n_blair97@bigpond.com
You have all made me feel so much better!

If you feel guilty then make sure you do the solids part for your baby correctly. This way you can make yourself feel great by not feeding your baby tinned or jarred food. You can really make a difference by giving your baby real food without thickeners or fillers. You will still be able to have a thriving and healthy baby.