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baby not sleeping through - feel like a bad mum! Lock Rss

hi there!

i am having a day where i feel like a failure, as my little man is almost 12 weeks and not sleeping through the night. he goes to bed at 7.30pm and we have been putting the dummy in the last few nights and not feeding him which seems to work. he wakes once between 2 and 4am and then again for a feed at 6am. i am now getting myself worked up about giving him the dummy and him NEVER sleeping through without me having to get up to dummy him! all i can hear at coffee group is mums whose babies sleep through, with no dummy! or they re-settle! Have even thought of bringing the cot into our room to save having to walk to his room as am tired!
what do you ladies think - would love to hear your experiences! xx

nz, 1st baby, due feb 4

have you tried to keep bub up a little later? my 12 week old daughter goes to bed about 9:30 and most nights manages to sleep straight through. Also, we give her a bath later in the night (about 7:30/8:00) then give her that last feed. I've found I'd rather her go to sleep later and sleep longer than be up in the middle of the night.

Sam and Hayley and bub

hey dont feel so bad i know loads mums who babies dont sleep now 3 yr old never slept thru the whole nite till he was 22 months old now he sleeps 12 hrs straight is no prob going to bed either hes just 14 wk old girll doesnt sleep thru either i feed her at least 2 times a nite sometimes 3.odd occasion we can pat her and not need to feed.shes in bed at 6pm generally wakes between 11-12 feed her then wakes again maybe anywhere bet 2-4 feed her then then we are up about 6.15 am shes in a cot in our room for now.i no things will get better about 6 mths old i will try get that back to only i feed about 10 pm .the vhild health nurse says at this age and espec only 12 wks old sld be feeding anywhere bet 1-2 times a night and maybe even 3.i no i also feel bad when i hear of mums who babes sleep thru but i think they are the real lucky ones.with myu son he always woke about 3-4am and i wld just feed him and he wld go straight back to sleep till about 7am was just easier i fed him till he was 22 mths old which after that he slept thru i wont make the same mistake this wee girl goes off to sleep on her own easy as in the day and when its bed time shes a very good self settler so im hoping soon she will do the same in the night.all babies are early days also tired.but know its not forever so take heart and dont get uoset about it.actuallt they say babies dont generally start sleeping thru till about 4-6 months.

shell 4yr old & 16mth

Hey... I remember so many days where I felt like crying!

Chin up your doing great!!

Many bubs take longer to learn to sleep through the night.

Couple of questions:

Does he settle himself to sleep? I found that once bubs learnt to self settle that her sleeping patterns settled too and began to settle longer at night. My SIL prefers to pat her bubs to sleep and she is still a night waker because when she wakes she needs to be patted back to sleep.

What time is his last feed before bed? He may be waking out of hunger at the mid morning wake up if it has been a while since feed. Have u tried topping up before bed?

Have you tried to resettle him rather than feed at the 2-4am feed? If u tried to resettle him and get him back to sleep without the need for a feed he may change his patterns and learn to sleep thru longer.

Do you have a routine that you are using.. eg Tizzie Hall - I am sure you have seen lots of posts about that

As for the dummy - if it is working go for it. Not all bubs take dummy but if you need it use it
Yep! This scene is so familiar to me, except my little treasure would wake at least 5-6 times a night every night from the day he was born till he was 6 months old ( he wakes once now at 4am and has a sook then generally resettles ).

I would ring the child health hotline at least once a week in tears, begging them for a solution! They sent a health nurse to my house for an afternoon and she told me that there was nothing wrong with bubby but that I had post natal depression ( Sleep deprivation for 6 straight months will do this too you ), I went to day stay sleep clinics, I stopped feeding through the night, I strated solids, I started formula, I even took him to the chiropractor!

And then one day after I threatened to throw myself down the stairs my DS decided to SLEEP Ahhhhhh.......Bliss! I still find myself waking every few hours ( habit ) but thank goodness that there is no more screaming every hour!

I felt like I was failing everybody when my son wouldnt sleep through, I asked everyone what I should do and read every book, web site and fact sheet....I now know everything there is to know about sleeping but none of it was a quick fix solution.

I do believe that putting him to bed awake so that he fell asleep un-aided and giving him a big bottle before bed and Not feeding during the night did help ( he was a breast milk-aholic!! ). I know how hard it is when your little one isnt getting enough sleep and how frustrating it is to hear about how others have perfect sleeping bubbies when your own is having troubles. I wish you luck in finding a sleep solution and send support your way. It will get better, there are helplines you can call to vent your frustartions, they were good for me when the going got tough!!

Take care and good luck babe!!

Hi there,

try not to feel like a failure, you aren't one at all. Try not to worry that your little one isn' t sleeping through the night, not all babies do so when we desparately want them to.

though it may be easy for me to say that our little girl (6.5 months now) still sleeps in our room (as noisy snorer as she is!) she seems to be ok with us. She somehow managed to start sleeping through around 10weeks. You could try feeding your little one at around 10pm if you are still awake or try feeding him as late as you can before you go to bed. May be a bit difficult I know if you are breast feeding, but if you can express some milk or are using formula it may be a bit easier.

From personal experience and is NO reflection upon those mums and babies that need to use a dummy, try not to use one as you may encounter problems with the dummy in the future in terms of your baby not being able to sleep without it or won't sleep once it falls out in the middle of the night. However, if that is what it takes to get you some decent sleep and rst, then go for it!

All you can do is perservere and why not move the cot into your room so you dont have to walk as far! It is a long walk when you are tired! Try not to worry about the coffee group mums and their little ones sleeping through the night, yours will also when they are ready to. Try to remember that babies are so very new to the world and we as parents expect so much from them!

All the best and you are doing a fine job!

SJ x
Just thought I'd let you know that a lot of babies take a long time to sleep through. My little girl is 6.5mths and only sometimes sleeps through the night, she usually wakes at between 3-5am and I feed her then.

I have been following Tizzy Hall's routine for over a month and feed her at 10.30pm (without waking if possible). She self settles without a dummy (that took a couple of days to establish) and everything else is working really well on the routines, she has stopped catnapping and now has 2x 1-2hour sleeps plus a 45min late afternoon nap.

I am hoping that the sleeping through will happen more and more, and I plan to stop feeding her overnight at 7mths, will just give her water then - hopefully this will work when she's a bit older as it doesn't work now.

Chin up - he'll get to sleeping through the night - remember he's only 3mths, most of the literature around says that they should be sleeping through at around 6mths.

Natasha VIC baby's DOB 7/10/2005


My baby is nearly 14 weeks old, 1st bubs. He has only just started sleeping from about 9-10pm to 6-7am BUT he still wakes around 2-3am crying but I have stopped feeding him as I feel he doesn't need that feed (he is bottlefed) he has 5 bottle during the day and varies in the amount from 160-230mls. I was going to try solids as most say that helps but I felt a bit selfish for starting them earlier than I need to just for some sleep so I persevered and he is slowly getting there. There is so much pressure, I have friends whose babies slept right through from 3wks old (makes you sick) a lot of their babies are sick kids now though - not saying that's why but each time mine woke up for a feed (when I was feeding in middle of night) I would do it happily thinking this won't last. It's so hard to know what to do, I have learnt after 3 months to just trust my instincts and his cues. Last night was a horror he woke on the hour from 1130pm to 230am and has not slept longer than 2 hours today so he is flipping the script on me again. I moved him out of my room cause I think I was waking him with my snoring hehehe and always anticipated him waking and he always did, they sense so much! It's amazing how much you still hear every move they make when they are in their own rooms. I also tried dummy and found it was another habit replacing another as everytime it fell out I had to go and put it back works for some. I guess at the end of my novel! all I can say is try not to do anything you do not wish to continue with later on.
Sounds like you are doing a fab job, you will both get there - my Mum said to me don't worry love you will never get a good nights sleep for many years as when they get to teenagers you will be up all night wondering where they are and if they are alright aaahhhhh.
Take care

Ari, QLD

Oh gosh, I can so relate to this thread. I openly admitted too how jelous I was that other babies were sleeping through (from my group). I too wondered what I was doing wrong - it was really frustrating. Not to scare you, but it took till 10 months for DD to sleep through. That is when I had enough of 4 hourly feeds and finally stuck to a little control crying. I don't know how I coped to be honest, it was exhausting.

I think some-how you have to try and shed all the pressure you are putting on yourself. I know that is so much easier said than done. I suppose, you kind of need to chip away at it, a day at a time. Your DS will soon enough start to settle into a good little routine and I am positive, will sleep through. Its usually when you have given up hope they will ever sleep through - little buggers.

Chin up, it does get better and you will forget how bad it really was - lol.

DD is 3yr 8 months - DS is 6 months

Oh hugs! I just wanted to tell you that my five month old twins STILL do not sleep through the night, and frankly, I think there is a large amount of exageration that goes on about when people's babies sleep through.

My boys (who were born at term, so there's no "adjusting" here), still have a rollover feed at 10pm and another feed around 4:30 or 5am (until three weeks ago, this feed used to be more like 2:30 or 3:00).

I've found it's a lot easier to just relax and accept this. From my point of view, life is a LOT better now - the boys have reflux and when they were little before this was diagnosed (at around 10 weeks), they were feeding at 6pm, 9pm, midnight, 3am, 6am, etc. and sleeping very little inbetween (so hubby or I was up most of the night, in two hour shifts). You say he's going to bed at 7:30pm and then doesn't wake again until 2am or after? Perhaps you could try going to bed just after him at 8:00pm so you get some sleep? I know that doesn't leave you with much evening time, but it might help you to get through this stage, if you have that bit more rest?

I don't really know what to tell you - just hang in there and remember that it will get better. You won't still be getting up to him every night when he's sixteen, lol!

Chana mum to twin boys Josh and Ben 12-Nov-2005

I know what you mean!

My baby is 19 weeks and wakes once for his dummy and once for a feed. This is on a good night.

Other babies I know are sleeping through BUT they go to bed at 10:30 and sleep till 6am..... I am not sure that is a good idea because who wants a baby going to bed so late??
(my baby goes to bed at 7 and is up at 6)

BUT, there are plenty of babies out there (a friend has a baby that is 23 weeks who only sleeps 2-3 hours at a time) that don't sleep through.

I think you just don't hear people bragging about babies that don't sleep. You only hear the good stories!

Jo, SA, Dylan born Dec 05

dont worry i feel for you my daughter is 5 months old and i have the same problem i try to feed her later of a night she still wakes once or twice through the night and even if i do feed her earlier she still does the same thing they all do say that they will eventually sleep through i think maybe they could still be getting hungry. i always end up feeding my daughter and in ten minutes she goes back to sleep anyways. I tried the dummy but found that it just frustrated her more.
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