Huggies Forum

Any young "Army Wives" Rss

hi, I'm 21 and mum a beautiful baby boy, Jayden, 8mths. I'm looking to speak with any other women who have partners in the army or the defence force. How do you cope? I have only been married since Nov, and am already begining to hate it. I try not to blame my husband but it just gets so difficult not knowing when he's getting home from work, having to deal with him going away for weeks, and being the one who is solely looking after our son. And the worst thing is, because this is our first child, Im expected to be the one with all the answers for him. he is always asking me why is Jayden crying, how do I make him stop, why doesnt he want to sleep. Sometimes I dont kow either.
i know its not my husband's fault but i find myself blaming him more and more. Got any ideas to help me out?
hello.I am also an army wife!!
We have two kids aged 2 and 6 mnths.We are originally from wa and weve had to pack up all our things and leave our families and friends behind to move to nsw.
At the start when my partner told me he was going to the army i was upset,i knew what it involved so i told him i wasnt coming so he left when our son was 7 mths old and came back for holidays,then we decided to move it was the best for the kids and us.Though i hate it and my partner doesnt know much about the kids cus hes barely here.It is real sad for them and i dont know how they do it,expecially when they have families...
Ur husband may feel bad cus he doesnt know what wrong with jayden and it might seem to him that u do know even if u might not,so sometimes i think they dont mean to say those things but they do because theyre not there as often as us and they need more quality time with there kids....Its the same with my partner.....he has NNOOOOO patience though and i dont know what to do about that because hes not here much and when he is he just seems to be yelling at our son.I get very lonely and my kids get bored...we have only been in sydney for 9 wks and havent really made any friends yet so that doesnt help....Though there is not point blaming them,i learnt that one lol.It gets u nowhere ....hope to hear from u soon....Jody

Jodster,NT,5yr old Boy,3yr old Girl,1yr old Boy

hi jody

thanks heaps for replying. it was refreshing to hear from someone who understands. although i have not yet had to move away with my husband a move is on the cards. i understand your frustration at your husband yelling at your son. i think that when babies are at such a young age they feel a little helpless to comfort them. i try to tell my husband that at this stage mum is for comfort and dad is for play. to us that can seem a little unfair because they need more comforting than play, but their time will come. i also understand your loneliness. although i grew up here my friends are all still single and enjoy going out while im at home with a baby. while i do socialise with old friends and ppl my husband works with its not the same. you just dont share the same experiences with them. im not too sure where abouts in sydney you are but is there a DCO about. DCO here puts out a great information booklet monthly and i think they are starting a mother's group. perhaps you could find out if there is one near you.

if you would like to chat more here is my email address........ rayandnic.lewis@bigpond.com....hope to hear from you...nic
Hi nic,Thanks for replying to my msg too.Where are you from?Are you in an army house?
I dont know if there is a dco near us but i get the pamphlets too so i will look into it thankyou for that!!
Do you have msn???
If so we could chat on that....
Ive been to a few army wife bbq's and no they are not the same as the friends you already know though maybe its just too hard at the moment to adjust to making new friends...I dont know i suppose i get very depressed cus all the kiddies and i do is home home home...My son is getting bored so i need to get out there and help him.Its very sad...We will work it out.
So if you have msn i would love to chat or my email is gemma0417@hotmail.com
Hope to hear from you soon

Jodster,NT,5yr old Boy,3yr old Girl,1yr old Boy

Hello

I’m also somewhat of an Army wife. I’m 25 yrs old and I'm Engaged to be married in late Nov to my fiancé of 4 years. We have a 7mth old baby girl. Charles is an American & is in the US Army. He is currently in the US and I’m here in Australia, I came home from the States last year to have my baby and we will be returning later this year in October.

Don’t mean to sound selfish or anything, but your hubby should be grateful that he is around to see your baby. Charles was only able to come for the birth and spend 6 weeks with our daughter before having to return back to the States. Also there are a lot of other parents who have been deployed and don’t get to spend time with their children and some who haven’t even seen their children from the day they were born.

As many lows that there are they are definitely out numbered by the highs. Moving around and getting to live around in different cities and countries. Although this can put some stress on relationships and it can get tiring, look on the bright side, with out him our country wouldn’t have a defense. I give big props to those who choose to fight for their countries, if it wasn’t for them the governments would be drafting. I support my fiancé with any decision he makes and I’m very proud of him for standing up for what he believes in and fighting for his country.

We have to accept their job regardless. Like my mum always said to me when I got down, I knew what i was getting into and if i didn’t want to become part of the lifestyle then i should have never pursuit the relationship.

I know how daunting and lonely you get with being on your own with a baby. BOY do i know, I have flown half way across the world to many countries to be with my solider, but its well worth it, I love him to bits and god only knows how i would survive without him.

Sometimes men can become overwhelmed with becoming a dad, some feel inadequate and just plain useless, maybe you can include him in activities such as feeding the baby, give him some bonding time and you some time out, god knows we all need it. I remember when we bought Anissa home and she would cry, he would do my head in by constantly telling me he thinks she need’s to be fed or changed....sometimes they just need a little push in the right direction. I can almost guarantee once your baby starts walking he will swing right into being a dad.

If at anytime you want to chat im all ears. My email address is
jedimindtricks21@hotmail.com

Meaghan

Im just wondering also do they have any Army wives support groups on the bases? I know in the States they are on every base and they hold activitie days and BBQ's for those whos husbands are in the armed forces or deployed. Maybe you could join one of those

Meaghan

Hello All,
I am also an Army wife but am not really in the category of young wife any longer. I am a 27 yr old mum of 2. 10 yr old DD and 2 yr old DS.
I have been a military wife for almost 12 years.
It is not the easiest life but I feel lucky to be part of it. My hubby can not be sacked for no reason and my children and I get to see so many wonderful parts of Australia and elsewhere thanks to my Hubby being in the Army. I know it is so difficult at times and the last 4 years are the only years my hubby has been home with only a month at a time away and that was only a few times a year. Before that 2, 3, 4 and 6 months were the norm with only a short period after that at times when he'd be home. We have almost not survied a number of times but have finally seem to have gotten there where we are both content (in the Army life that is not necessarily the postings LOL).
The hardest things is leaving and having to make new friends but once you get out and do that it makes things so much easier. Sometimes it takes a full 6 mnths to do that. There are SO many groups out there for defence partners in every posting but it does take effort and often a magnifying glass to find them but if you have the know how you end up OK.
Well I won't go on and on but know there are a zillion of us out there that know how you are feeling and what it is like.
Hang in there.
Cara

Melbourne, 13 yr DD, 5.5 yr DS, 1.5 yr DS

Hi Meaghan

Please dont get me wrong. Both myself and my husband are extremely grateful that he is not on deployment at the moment and the gets to spend every spare moment with both myself and our son. And i too support my husband with his job. i knew he was in the army when i married him, but I dont think that you can every really prepare yourself for it. Its like being a parent for the first time, you can watch all the tapes, read all the books, talk to all people but until you experience it you are never truely prepared.

I know my situation is very different to you and i feel kinda silly complaining about it now. I do have it a lot easier than many others. At least my husband is in the same country as me and our son and when he is away it is never more than just over a month, but it doesnt mean that i find it any less difficult or miss him any less.

I hope that everything is going well for you and your family and if ever want to chat please email me rayandnic.lewis@bigpond.com

Hey I just want to let you know I never meant to come across how i might have, after i posted i thought ohh boy that’s come out all wrong. We all complain about it, i use to get upset while i was pregnant because he was hardly ever home, he was working going to school to be selected for fighter pilot and then doing honor guard, those who don’t know what that is, its funerals for those who were soldiers, they carry the caskets, do taps, gun salutes and fold the flag etc. We hardly even got a weekend together. He would come home from work or school and go to bed or go to succor training or something. But when we were together it was great we would go do things around Florida and hang out with our friends. One thing he would always do was get a few hrs off from work to go with me to the OB for check ups, he always had to be there and know what was going on which was great sometimes it drove me nuts.

Meaghan

Hi ladies,

I'm going to sound blah but i feel this must be said. I am not only an army wife, i was also an army brat. My father was in the army, and although i swore i would never marry into the army, but i did.

My husband was deployed through most of my pregnancy and only just made it home for for the birth of our daughter. He leaves for work at 6 am and gets home at 7pm on good days. Ah the life of an Army wife.

But the bright side is this...we have a stabe income, we have loads of support, for example:

Defence Families of Australia (DFA)
Defence Special Needs Support Group (DSNSG)
Family Information Network for Defence (FIND)
and for those Mums who work they have...
Employee Assistance Program (EAP)

I know its lonely, but in most areas Army Wifes generally band together and have morning teas and child groups. I also know that some of those mothers are completly nuts smile but you should find on or two to relate to.

In reguards to being expected to know everything nicL, well thats when we need to tell our husbands that this is our first child to. Trial and error ane the only ways to get through this.

My idea to help with your feelings towards your husband is this...talk to each other. Voice your concerns and tell him you don't know everything. No one does smile

Your husband loves you and probably doesn't even know how your feeling.

I hope this helps. Let me know if you need any more information.

Jac & Charli
Hi nic I know this an old post but i have just found it. I am not an Army wife but my husband is in the Navy and i know Exactly how you feel.
We have 2 children and have only been married for a year. He has been in the navy for a year also. We have moved down to Sydney to be closer to him for the girls sake, but I hate it here I am from the QLD bush and miss it heaps. He gets to come home most nights but is tired and grumpy and all he wants to do is go to bed and, all our oldest child wants to do is spend time with him as she misses him heaps. We also have a new born and he gets annoyed when she starts to cry.

He works at Watsons Bay and we live on the other side of the city so we are no where near any other families in the same boat that i know of.

any way lol,
Yas

My email is troy.whip@bigpond.com
if you feel like a chat

Yasmin, WA, 2yr old & 7 mth old

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