2.5yr old sleep/early waking issues!

I need some advice mums and dads!

We have a 2.5yr old and a 9 month old.
Our 2.5yr old used to be a perfect sleeper, up until about two months ago. He'd go to sleep approx 7.30-8.30pm and sleep through until 6.30-7.30am.
One nap during the day of up to 2hrs.

Now that daylight savings has ended and he is in a big boy bed and can get himself up when he likes, he's coming into our bed at 4am onwards... Sometimes he'll go back to sleep, Other times he'll be hypo, jumping around, kicking us in the face/body, squealing and laughing.
Hubby and I are not getting a good night sleep and waking up like that every single morning is becoming tiresome and it puts hubby in an incredibly bad mood first thing in the morning.
I'm also up anywhere between 3-8times a night to breastfeed our 9 month old. And by about 3-4am I am so exhausted I just bring him into our bed so I can go back to sleep while he feeds. I've tried putting him back in his bed after this time, and he'll sleep for maybe 20-40mins and he's awake again.
Hubby says to just leave him in his cot to cry when this happens in the morning. What do I do?!

Help!
I've tried cutting out and cutting down on our eldest's daytime nap, if he doesn't have one he's a demon child. And if we wake him he's usually grumpy all arvo.
How can I get him to understand to stay in his own bed until the sun comes up?!
Does anyone know why he could be doing this? It's completely pitch black dark when he wakes up.

Is hubby right? Should I just leave our 9 month old to try and self soothe in that 3-4am timeframe?
He goes to bed currently at about 6.30-7.30pm, I'd like to try and push it closer 7.30-8.30pm but am struggling with the daylight savings change.
He naps three times a day, usually for about 40min-1hr each time.
He also puts himself to sleep, sometimes he'll feed to sleep but majority he's put down in his bed awake.
Please help! It's really starting to take its toll on me physically from exhaustion and hubby and i's relationship cos we're arguing over it before we even get out of bed! It doesn't set the mood for a good day ahead!
TIA!

Hi, this sounds exactly like what we've been going through, I have a 5yr old, 2.5yr old and 3 month old baby, my 2.5 year old is the problem, she used to sleep perfectly (7 till 7am) until I was about 8months pregnant and then it all went out the window, we started putting her in with us eventually just to get some desperately needed sleep, in the long run this made her 1000 x worse, she'd go to bed, with our help sitting with her about 8.30 or 9pm then be awake and screaming at 11pm, then in bed with us and crying on and off all night, it was so terrible.

I actually just a week ago paid for a sleep consultant to try and help, they gave some great advice, there are lots of techniques you can try but the most effective unfortunately was to shut the door and walk away, I found it sooo hard to do this but within a week things have SOOOO improved, we also did lots of roleplay with her and a dolly who sleeps in a little bed all night beside her bed, the doll then gets lots of praise and a sticker, we had a sticker chart and rewards program for both my daughter and the doll, also talked lots about how she's a big girl and needs to sleep all night so mum and dad can get good sleep and be happy mummy and daddy etc.
They said at that age children really do still need a nap of about 1 to 1.5hours, and the main thing was to be completely consistent with whatever technique you choose and also to act very confident and positive when leaving their room no matter how the child is acting. I know this technique isn't for everyone and I never would have thought we could do it, I consider myself a very gentle parent so it was hard but we were desperate for improvement so I was willing to try. Like you also this was upsetting the whole household and cause extreme problems for me and husband. Also, most importantly my daughter was so unhappy because she was so tired.
They also looked into her diet etc so it was quite intensive, anyway sorry replies so long, I hope I've helped a little smile