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My partner is acting really strange Rss

Hi there I am pregnant with my first, due in August 04. Ive already developed very fast and this baby is a planned pregnancy after 15 years of endometriosis. My partner and I have been together 3 1/2 years, but hes acting really strange. Hes distant, hasn't said anything positive about the pregnancy and this is totally the opposite of what I expected. When we were planning he was all excited, now hes withdrawn, he doesn't notice anything about me, my breasts have even gone up 2 cup sizes and he hasn't noticed, he doesn't seem to be 'seeing me' anymore I ask and he says everything is fine.

Is this normal? What can I do? Please offer some advice I'm getting very worried.

Debbie, NZ, due 25 August 04

debed00,

I can relate a little to what you are saying. I am pregnant with my 2nd baby, I have a 12 month old daughter too. My husband was all for the baby making stages... now seems distant about the pregnancy. He told me that it doesn't feel real to him yet and that he also feels left out in the pregnancy stages. I think it is a guy thing. They can't relate all that well to the changes in our bodies, they don't know what it is like for us. Some husbands do feel left out because it is not happening to them. I do my best to keep my husband as informed and as involved as possible. Failing that there are books "Father's are expectant too" it might be worth a read for your husband. Goodluck... hopefully once he gets better used to the idea of a baby he will show more interest. Michelle smile P.S. I am due July 2004.
Hey debbd00, congratulations! I'm due in July 04. I'm so glad to hear of somebody else developing fast, I thought I was abnormal. I have big 'boobies' too and a much bigger belly- I thought it was all in my head but my family are assuring me it's not and reminding me of my ever expanding backside as well (didn't think thaaaaat was possible)! I understand your joy after waiting for so long. I suffered a painful miscarriage in August, I know it's common but you still wonder what went wrong and if you will be able to conceive without complications next time around. We are having our first baby after being together for 12 years. My partner isn't acting as thrilled as I'd expected either. Don't take it to heart-I'm not. I think it's just nerves, having a baby is a huge step. At the end of the day, when the time comes for you to give birth, he will be over the moon. That's when he'll become more involved. I think men also need to see a 'proper' big belly before it actually sinks in. Good luck kiddo and remember, be happy for yourself and don't let the poor attitude of those around you affect your mood because this is your time to enjoy!

bubsy32

I spent my whole pregnancy hassling my partner I think!! " Are you excited?" "Yeeeeeeees" "You don't seem excited" "Well I am"!!!

Haha - that was a conversation that we had every day!I think that us mummies are just SOOOOOOOO excited - that we expect everyone else to be as excited as us!But what we forget is, although our partners are excited too - it doesn't feel the same to them - I mean we are carrying this child - and we have a special thing going on there that they will never know!

Marti, NSW, Baby Boy born on 17th July 2003

Thank you so much everyone for the great advice, I feel a lot better now and I am please to say he is starting to be a little bit more excited about things. I'm lucky that I work as a neonatal nurse, and I had an unoffical sneak peak ultrasound and we saw a little heart beat smile

Merry Christmas to you all smile

Debbie, NZ, due 25 August 04

Hi Debbie,
My friend had a similar problem to you & she even thought that her fiance wanted to leave her. In the end, it turned out that he was stressing about money & how they would cope on one income. He adores their baby & now they are fine. Perhaps try talk to your partner to find out if their might be an undelying issue that he is stressing about.
Good luck,
anniesmum
Hi Deb
I know where u are coming form. I left my family in sydney to live in Adelaide and we are expecting out first baby in March. I am a very big for one baby everyone keeps asking me if I am sure that I am not having twins. My boos were always big and now they are huge. We thought that we were losing to loose our baby as I was told that it was in the tubes. Since then my partner has been keeping fair distance and doesn't seem to be exciting about anything. Lucky that his sister was here form sydney so she took us shopping for baby things which he refused to do with me. I don't get much help around the house either. I really don't know how I will cope with things onces the baby is here. I am in the high risk person with medical problems and also my age. I have thought about leaving my partner and going back to sydney to live but I feel the baby does need both the parents so I don't know what to do.?

ann,adelaide

Mine is cheating or trying to cheat as I have discovered recently, and I am in the same boat I feel the baby needs two parents and I don't know what to do.

You can email me if you like, debhowell@ihug.co.nz

Debbie, NZ, due 25 August 04

Debed00. Oh my God! I am just hating men at the moment. I may have to get off this site, it's really depressing. We have to go through the whole pregnancy process and all things painful to do with pegnancy and they go and do that. And what really ikes me is that he was the one not being supportive and he goes and sleeps with somebody. Is he sorry? It's always my first question. Was he really sorry. Because I feel you need to get that vibe before you can even begin to think about staying with a person who has played around when you need them most.
It would be so easy for me to say "just leave him" right now but I can't. That's because my thoughts would be exactly like yours. There is no easy solution. Do you boot him out the door and do it all on your own, and leave the child without a father figure? Or do you swallow your pride and try to forget about the whole disgusting incident and carry on like nothing happened? I guess each individual circumstance is different and you need to work out how much you love him and if he is remorseful for his actions.
I wish you the best of luck, whatever you decide.

bubsy32

Hi Deb,
i'm expecting in Sept 04(my wife that is, but i still say i'm expecting). i talk with a few other dads to be and we are all sounding the same (and like you have discribed) my wife has asked me (many times) why i'm not excited. I am very excited but in a mans own way(so it seems from discussions). we still need to be loved or aknowledged which is hard between all the sleeping / resting that is needed for a pregnant mum. we still need some attention to and if your partners eyes start to wander(very common to just look), perhaps find a sexy bra to tempt him with (you will know what works for him)

In Short we are excited, but being males we won't show it.
Good luck
Hi Deb,
It's good to hear that things are looking up. My husband cried the first time he heard our baby's heartbeat. As mums, we feel every little thing that goes on and it is real exciting... and dads can feel left out. Not just out of the baby thing but also your attention.
When baby does come along though, he'll want to be there for the coos and cuddles and smiles and it will become real (and fun) for him. In the meantime, when baby's kicking real hard, grab his hand and put it on your tummy and he'll probably get excited then, too.
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