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My husband wants to be involved with our baby, but he is not sure what to do. It takes me longer to explain than to do it myself . Has anyone found ways to help their husbands, or any good books that they can read? I'm getting more and more tired, and he really wants to help.
Don't bother trying.
Being a parent for the first time is very daunting. My husband works all the time so it was up to me to do everything myself too. He had some time off recently though, and is slowly learning how to do different things. A fantastic book I received as a gift is called, "The Essential Guide for First-time Parents" by Dr Miriam Stoppard. It is great! Tells you everything from bathing baby, to folding nappies, to baby's development. I have found it very informative for both me and my husband.
Good Luck.

smile

Bec, QLD, Hayden's Mum

Hi Linda - Both my husband and I have returned back to full time work now, but because I work from home 3 out of 5 days, I am with baby nearly all the time. I try and encourage my husband to do more things with baby. When I know baby has been fed, I will give him to my husband to burp. Things like bathing him or giving extra feeds of formula or water can be done by your husband to give you a rest, changing nappies (a task I am happy to get rid of! hehe) - or just let him comfort and cuddle your child. I think it is very important for the child to bond with their dad. If he is keen, encourage him. All parties - you, your husband and especially baby will benefit because of it.
If he is willing to read you are more than halfway there! Give him the parenting magazines and books you read. I found Baby Love to be excellent. Let him help - and more than help - it will be worth it in the long run. Despite my encouragement my partner just wasn't really interested until his daughter began to turn into a real little person with her own clearly expressed interests and likes and dislikes - fairly recently in fact - so now I have an into-everything with no sense of fear toddler wannabe and a partner who's a good ten months behind, who appears to have no ability to anticipate what she might get up to and into AND won't read to supplement his lack of knowledge and instinct. I am effectively a single parent for sheer safety's sake yet it's really a huge pity - for all of us. On the flip-side I have great family support - from both mother and mother-in-law. P.S. For sheer exhaustion, apart from actual sleep, dark chocolate is excellent. There's a reason why its an essential item for cross-country skiers and mountain climbers. Acknowledge the job you're doing is darn hard too!
OOPS, I just typed a great reply & think I pressed cancel! This sort of what I wrote:
Show him the basics & let him work it out his way, it may not be the same as yours but it will be fine! NEVER get up if he does a night feed to check he is doing it right as you'll never get another chance to sleep ! My hubby bathed our 1st son everytime, including the first bath in hospital (as i had a c-section) until he was about 4 months as I was a bit nervous holding that sliperry wet baby! He still usually bathes them & gets them ready for bed.

mum of 3 boys aged 11, 13 and 14

Linda,

I think it is great your husband wants to help.

My husband has been wonderful, he works full time. From day one he has bathed or had a shower with our baby everyday. (Shower is quick and easy when there is 2 people, and bonus baby loves it) This is there bonding time. I have found she is in a routine and if dad is home late and mums does the bathing she is a little disturbed.

I agree with your way is not the only way, your husband may have a different way of doing things that you do, but that is OK...

Good Luck

Lee,QLD,18/12/02 baby girl 26/09/05 baby boy

I found that sitting back and letting my hubby do things his way was the best thing for everyone. It allowed him to bond with our son and find out that it isn't always easy to care for a newborn. At first it was hard to sit back but then my Mum said "If the end result is the same and everyone is safe and happy then let him do it his way". So after that the only time I stepped in was if I felt that things were getting a little out of control. Also to my suprise I learnt a few things from hubby. There were a few things I had to show him 1/2 dozen times (how to fold a nappy) but once he got the hang of it, it was another thing we could share. Another thing Mum said is " Be Patient, You are both learning and it is a pretty steep learning curve but you will get there as long as you stick togther." 1 Year on we still do things diffently but we are happy and it works. Happy Parenting!!

1 wonderful boy 6 and another on the way

Linda, I can understand how you feel, My little girl is three weeks now and my husband changes her and cuddles her when I get upset. He gets me worried tho, especially when I find jessi's nappy falling off just after he's changed her, but I gave up worrying about how he's doing it, just knowing that he is doing it is reassuring smile We are both learning about how to be parents and we're both going to make mistakes, so I say let your husband learn for himself. just give him the tools (nappies. wipes etc) and let him try smile
As most people have said, just give him some time. He will learn, we can't all have a motherly instinct!

DD5, DS3, DS lost to SIDS at 6mths & DD6m

I found it really hard to let my Husband do things his way, I had to stop myself more than once, like your not holding her right, have you tried this or that. The problem we have is that he is away alot with his work so she has attached to me more than him, and that pisses him off. Also I think he doesn't understand that if she does sleep during the day I do nothing but run around cleaning up the mess he made just getting ready for work, so I have turned into the biggest bitch in the world making new rules so I don't have to do everything like I did before Kheyrra arrived cant make him understand that.

Tammy and Kheyrra

How are you coping with 3 under 3??? Are they all the same sex? I have two under 4 and that is plenty for me...although I can't get rid of the "Cluck"!!!

Lydia,SA,Mum of 4 & 3 yr old boys!

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