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dad doesn't want to know Lock Rss

i have a 6month old girl who is everything to me, her father who i was with for over a year before she was born doesnt make an effort to see her at all. When he makes the occasional visit (approx once every 6weeks) he doesnt show any interest in her and acts like he is visiting just to please me and his family who i think are pressuring him to see her. i really want my daughter to know her father but i dont want him to see her unless he wants to. It makes me feel sad to think someone can not show interest in their own child. Has anyone else experienced this or have any advice???

I hope i don't sound horrible here....

If the Dad, is not interested, it may be best to keep her away!

Maybe you should have a big talk to him ( if possible) and let him know the responsibility he is taking on as a father!

I guess i believe in 100% or nothing!


DD5, DS3, DS lost to SIDS at 6mths & DD6m

This post has been edited by the moderator.
Hi Ihad a similar problem with my eldest childs father a few years ago. We lived with him until my daughter was 11 months old. Once we had separted he decided he only wanted to see her when it was convient for him or when he wanted to get to me. I tryed to push him to have contact with his daughter as i believed she needed a male influence in her life. After a couple of months of him rejecting this sweet little girl i realised that it was his loss not hers and stopped pushing. She is now 6 years old and hasnt seen him properly since she was about 18 months.
I have since had another beautiful baby girl with a wonderful man who thinks of my daughter as his.
My only advice is dont push having him out of her life has got to be better than having him drop in and out whenever he feels like it. Anyway im sure your doing a great job being a mum and a dad to your little girl.

Carlie, 3 girls 12/02/98,05/08/03 & 06/08/05

Hi Em,
Sadly, I'm in a similar situation.

I have a beautiful 2 month old son and his father has not even laid eyes on him simply because he doesn't want to know. I guess in some ways you are lucky that your ex has visited, but the lack of interest is heartbreaking, and frustrating. My ex and I weren't together for v.long, and when I found out I was pregnant, I was told by him that he didn't want to be a dad. He's since refused to even acknowledge Aidan as his son, and I'm currently taking paternity action against him.

I'm sad that my ex is missing out, but decided that his attitude towards our son is not healthy, and with that I told him that I didn't want him involved until his attitude changes, which could be some time away, or even never. What is even sadder is that he has another son (aged 18months) that he has acknowledged, but refuses to have anything to do with.

I sometimes feel really sad that my ex won't see Aidan because there is so much that he & his family are missing out on. I've found you can't put pressure on the father because the more you fight them, the more they resist. I'm glad Aidan is little enough to not know what's happening and I guess he won't for a long time to come, and even though he doesn't have his dad around, he does have some positive male influences in his life - his grandad, uncle & god-fathers.

I'm sure our children will grow up knowing that no matter what, we (their mums) will always do our for them, and that we will love them & be happy with them no matter what life deals out to us.

Keep smiling, and take care smile

Ambs xx

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

PS: hi again Em's mum!!!

If you'd like to chat sometime, my email address is [email protected]

Bye for now,


Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

Not sure if you can but have you contacted the mother of your ex's other son?
If your ex doesn't want to know about your son, maybe he can grow up knowing he has an older brother and they can grow up together.
Just a thought.

member since 2004

Hi Kristy!
Yes, I have thought about doing just that. My ex's mother said that her & her husband see him as often as they can as he is living in Wellington with his mum. At the time she said it would be good for the boys to meet at somestage.
Once the paternity action has been dealt with and everything has settled down, I'll discuss it with my ex's mother again. I'm v.curious to meet the other ex, and hear about her experiences.. I do intend on telling Aidan about his brother, and I hope his brother, in turn, will know about him.
Ambs smile

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

Hi Guys
thanks for writing back! its a real tricky situation aye coz even though i keep thinking that emily is better off without her father i know that when she is a bit older she will need him, i cant imagine myself growing up without a dad so i dont want her to either!
im not pushing him, he knows that he can come over to see her whenever he wants so ive left the ball in his court, his family havent even been in contact which is weird coz i thought they may even like to see her once in awhile!!!!
amber what are you doing for paternity action?? do you go to the courts??
i hope for our kids sake that their fathers pull their heads in soon!!!
Hi there!!
Yes, you're right, its a tricky situation alright! I sometimes think that Aidan will be better off without his dad as well. It's more than likely Aidan will grow up without him ... although my ex may decide to "grow up"when Aidan is older. Who knows?? I've done the same - left the ball in his family's court ... it's now up to them to come and visit, although I don't think they will until my ex admits to them that Aidan IS theirs too.
The paternity action has been started, and I went to a lawyer. I'm eligible for Legal Aid as Im on the DPB at the moment, so all I have to pay is a $50 admin fee, and legal aid will cover the rest of the costs, from the lawyer fees thru to the cost of my share of the DNA test (if we get that far). What has happened so far is that my lawyer has sent a letter to my ex, asking him to sign a legal form that states that he officially acknowledges Aidan as his son. If he refuses to sign the form, then my lawyer will apply for a court order. That means that my ex has to take a DNA test, along with Aidan. I dont see the point in taking the DNA test, because we both know what the outcome will be, but I would rather have the cold hard proof in my hand, then have my ex try and deny his son for the next 21 years. My ex will have to get his own lawyer, and he will have to come up with his half of the cost of DNA test.
Hopefully, he will sign the forms, and we wont have to worry about the DNA test. It should never have come to this, but if this is what it takes to make him sit up & realise his responsibility, then I'll go all the way. And hopefully, his family will also take note and realise that they have another beautiful little boy to add to their family.
Take care, and do feel free to email me if you want to. Keep smilin'!!

Ambs smile

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

oh god its such a proccess aye!!
i hope it all turns out well for you, i dont know why he would want to deny knowing his own son! sounds as though you are better off without him for awhile!! let me know how things go, i will email you soon!
Found out yesterday ...
Bodie wrote a letter to my lawyer saying that he was not going to sign the deed of acknowledgement. I'm going back to see my lawyer to sign the papers for the court order this week. I'm not surprised that he didn't sign the papers, but I did think that he would agree to the blood test. Now we have to enforce it. Never mind!! If this is the way he wants to do it then I have no problems. I'm just angry that I have to put Aidan thru this, but at least he's too young to know what's going on. I'd rather do this now, than have to go thru it when Aidan is older, and can understand what is going on. At least the proof will be in the pudding, and we can all move on with things, and Bodie's parents can get to know their grandchild.

I'm fine ... keeping busy and keeping happy & positive, and enjoying my beautiful little man!! I'll let you know how it goes ... if you want to know a little more, I started a post called "if he refuses to be a father, maybe he doesn't want to be a father at all?" in the Preganancy & Relationship posts. (If you're interested).

Take care everyone!! smile

Love Ambs

Ambs, Mummy to Aidan (born March 04)

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