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Not coping livin with Daddy Lock Rss

hi all

i am currently in a situation where my partner and i can no longer get on
we have been figtin for almost 1 and a half years and i feel that it would be best for my daughter not to grow up in that sort of environment
although he will still be a big part of her life

if anyway has gone though or going through the same thing please post ur replies as i want to know if i am doing the right thing

DD may 03, DS oct 06

Hi, I left my son's father when I was 15 weeks pregnant. We were engaged and had been together for about 14 months but a good 12 months of the relationship had been hell. All I can say is that I was one of those people who would look at abused women and say 'That will never be me' but it happens so slowly and you end up such a headcase you can't find which way is up anymore.

I'd probably still be there if it wasn't for Ezrah, but once I was pregnant things changed. My pathetic self esteem wasn't a factor anymore because the most important thing was this tiny life inside. I stayed there for the first trimester cos I wanted to 'give it a shot' with his father. But after a week of bliss things went back to being even worse than before.

I left him and as I stayed away longer I got stronger. I tried to keep up contact and told him he was still welcome in Ezrah's life but he continued to torment me in every way so I cut off contact. He has made no attempt at involvement since.

I made all my decisions for Ezrah. Sure he doesn't have his dad, but he also doesn't have to live with an abusive person with no respect and therefor I don't have to worry about my son growing up to continue the pattern. My brother is very involved with Ezrah as is my father and many of my male friends. I now get to choose that Ezrah has positive role models around him.

I am sure your partener will continue his involvement, but at least if you remove yourself from a volitile situation your daughter will get to see a mum and dad who are happy and relaxed even if they're not together. I think that a tension free environment is a greater gift to your children then mum and dad being together for the sake of the children.

You know deep down if your choice is right or wrong. Take some time away from the fighting and if it is relief you feel, then follow that feeling because no doubt your little girl will feel that relief too.

Good luck.

I left my husband when my 2 boys were 3 and 1. I recently posted a similar answer in the "looking ofter yourself with a baby" under the title of " I thought our baby would save our marriage" so have a look and email me if you want to chat.

In my opinion, staying just for the childrens sake is one of the biggest mistakes anyone can make. I know of many friends who's parents stayed together until they were in high school and they all would have rather it happen when they were younger. You end up growing up with the notion that your childhood was one big lie and it hurts!

In my situation, leaving my husband was for the best.

I did and still do believe in the sanctity of marriage but in my situation, I had to leave as it was distuctive to me and the children.

I am currently with a beautiful man with whom I just had another baby to and we will get married next year.

Goodluck with your choices and email at [email protected] if you want to chat. smile

Keep smiling

This post has been edited by the moderator.
i comend you both on getting yourselves out of a self destructive situation.
i also have been in an abusive relationship and yes, it does creep up ever so slowly that it makes you wonder how we let ourselves get hammered that far down into a hole.
we are fighters and as my church going grandfather says "god helps those who help them selves" i think theres a truth to this saying.

mandy deep down you know what right. its just getting the courage to do what you feel is right.
it takes a big person to look at things how they are instead of how we want them to be.

DD 13/11/03 -DD 11.11.05 - DS 17.4.08

hi guys

thanku so much for all your replies
i thought i might let u know that my partner and i are now engaged and i couldnt be happier
although figting hasnt stopped it has lessened quite substantially
everything worked out and its true u really dont know wat u got till it is gone

love mandi

DD may 03, DS oct 06


I truly hope life remains as beautiful as it is now and you can both grow old together.

This post has been edited by the moderator.
thanku for the congrats
although we are engaged things are still extremely rocky
it has been confirmed that i have a mental illness (depression, anger problems, and some other thing i cant pronounce or spell) which i have been going through for as long as i can remember and now i am having to deal with it
i have only just allowed myself to come to terms with it as i dont like to admit when i am unhealthy but it has carried on for to long
i also have decided to take part in anger management as i am manily the cause for our troubles
if it wasnt for my man almost literally strangglin me then i would probaly still be denying any toruble or illness i have created in my life
if u like i will keep u posted

DD may 03, DS oct 06


Don't always accept one opinion from a shrink.

I went through some really bad times 2 years ago. I was in a bad Domestic situation which caused problems at work(police). I ended up on workcover and seeing a shrink who told me I had a personality disorder. I knew he was wrong. I then went and saw three others who put it down to the life I was living and the environment I was in. I ended up winning the workcover situation. I am now happily married to another man, have 5 month old Jessika and am back at work full time and loving it.

If you can function day to day (i.e go to the supermarket) your depresson is mild. Think about your domestic situation and I'm sure you will find the source of your anger.

Think about the engagement!!!

It will not get better at home when you're married. I was in a situation where I had no support person until my husband came along as my best friend, I hope you have a friend, but trust me be completely honest, I wasn't because of embarrassment and it all dragged on for too long. People will help you.


Baby: Jessika

im sorry to hear of ur old situation but i m glad you are happy now

i do in fact have a friend and he is the bestest friend in the whole world to me and i dont know what i would do without him
he has beeen there for me through everythin that has happened in my life for almost 5 years and i love him to death (strictly as a best friend as i would be with him but its a long story) i know i should leave but everytime i make up my mind to i come home and he is all nice and evrything but it all goes back into a slump


DD may 03, DS oct 06

Life's too short Mandi, don't waste it. I still can't believe how long I stayed with my ex for - living in total hell. I don't regret it because I now have the most beutiul son. But over 18 months on I am still struggling to get on my feet emotionally and finantially. I doubt I will ever enter into another relationship again - it's taken me this long to be able to look people in the eyes.

I don't live in your life so I don't want to harp on but all I can say is look at your days - are there more bad or good. It doesn't matter if you lie to the rest of the world, just be honest with yourself.

Good luck.
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