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I have an 8 month old beautiful little girl and have found it very difficult to cope since having her. I have had good days and very bad days most days I am not interested in anything and end up in a huge bout of crying But having just recently lost my sister in law in a car accident I have found that things have dropped dramatically for me. She has a baby girl 2 weeks older than my little one and her and I spoke everyday about ways to cope and supported each other, since losing her I am finding every day hard to get through (all I keep getting from my family is I need to pick myself up and learn to cope - my mother in particular keeps saying I had to raise my children all alone without support). 3 months after having my little girl I saw my GP who said that the depression I am having is normal and alot of it was in my head. Is it normal to have these feelings of not being able to cope and not interested in anything after 8 months?
Hi Pauline

I've never had PND, however I do know it is serious and does need treatment. I think your GP was really insensitive to tell you "It's all in your head". Have you spoken to another GP about how you're feeling since? Another suggestion is to talk your child health nurse - I'm sure they will be able to put you in touch with someone you can speak to.

All the best
Jasmine smile

Pauline I can only imagine how you must be feeling raising a child is hard enough but losing someone close to you who also had a child is so tragic I wish I had some words of wisdom for you but I can offer is a ear or email if you need one and know that you have a beautiful baby who needs you and and niece who needs you to. I hope things get better for you my email is cerello@smartchat.net.au if you ever want to chat I have a 8 month old boy and understand what your going through.

Jean, Qld, Ethan 14/8/03

Hi Pauline,
I personally know what it's like to suffer from PND. I was diagnosed when my son was 3 months old, I knew something wasn't right from the time he was 1 month but I think I was in denial. So I suffered in silence, then of course there's the stigma attached to PND. And also the fear that someone is going to take your baby away because your not coping.
I have a gorgeous 8 month old son and am only just starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have been on medication for 6 months now but due to the fact I'm breastfeeding I have been on the lowest dose possible and have only found it helped me a little. I've also had a few sessions of counselling which I found helped a lot.
Sorry to hear about your loss. If ever you need anyone to talk to who's in the same rocky boat email me at rainbowstorm@hotmail.com
Take care. cheers! Lynette.
Hi Pauline,

It is ok to have those feelings and depression is not just in your head. You have suffered a deep loss and that alone can trigger depression, let alone having a child as well.

When my second baby was 9 weeks old, my first child was diagnosed with autism. Not only did I have PND but I also had to go through a sort of grief thing with my first.( You have to grieve for the child you never had and accept the one you do have)

Anyway, I went through quite a bad depression and hardly got out of bed for months. I would get up, get the kids breakfast and sit on the lounge all day,watching and crying over Oprah. I never went out, and everything just got too hard. I eventually cracked one day when both the kids had ear infections and screamed all morning. I put them both to bed, shut the door, grabbed the phone and sat on the kids swings, bawling like a baby. I rang my local child health centre and begged for help. They gave me the number for a counsellor at our local public hospital and I went for about 8 months, while also seeing my local doctor for antidepressive medication. It was the best thing I ever did and came out the other side a better person.

Through all this, my husband just wasn't there for me emotionally and just ignored my pleas for help. That didn't make him a bad person. He just didn't have the skills to help me and didn't know what to do.

Please seek some counselling and go to your local gp for help. If they won't help go to another doctor until you find one that will. Look in the front of the white pages and you will find a few numbers for post natal depression hotlines and they can point you in the right direction. I'm from Sydney so can't look them up to them list them on here for you, otherwise I would.

You have been through an awful trauma. Not only are you finding motherhood tough (totally normal mind you) , you have lost your best friend and your only support system. Please seek help. Its most important.

What you are going through is more common than you think and there is help.

Please let me know how you get along and you can contact me on natalielesley@hotmail.com if you want to chat.

Goodluck

Natalie

Pauline

My heart went out to you when I read your post. I can only imagine what you are going through.
With all respects to your family Don't listen to them.
A very close family member was told by the GP that she had depression and we were told that even if you want to say "buck up and get over it" That we shouldn't and she couldn't.
The feelings you have a very real to you and should not be taken lightly.
Have you thought of talking to someone or joing a group that know what you are going through and give you the right support.

I hope you understand what I trying to say and have not come across and "know it all busy body"

I hope you feel better soon so you can enjoy your beautiful girl.

Tineka, Mum to Hamish 3yrs, Abby 1yr & 1due 10/04

hi pauline

i know how you feel
and natalie my fiance dosnt understand either and just want to strangle me

please look up my post mental illness and the affects on children as thats where my story is if you are interested

all i can say is hang in there my family are like that as they dont understand
my mum seems to think that i have PND though but she dosnt realise that it has carried on for a lot longer then havin bubby

good luck i truely feel for you

DD may 03, DS oct 06

Hi Pauline.
Losing your sister in law must be a huge loss especially as she was a great support to you. You have lost that support now and your are grieving. It would also be hard to grieve when you are facing the difficult task of motherhood. Looking after an 8 month old is not easy I know that right now. Sounds like you really need to change GPs. Was it a male doctor you were seeing or a female one who has never had children?! Did they prescribe an anti depressant. Because they do help lift the dark cloud that can hang over you. I am speaking from experience here.
Dont know if you know but Brooke Shields is bringing out a book about PND called "And down came the rain" which I agree sounds like a perfect description. She suffered too and it is really good that someone in with her celebrity status can be honest about the and emotional rollercoaster we go through bringing a little human being into this world.

I hope you take care and even going for a walk with baby can help.
A bit of Queensland sunshine sounds really good to me, especially when you live in Melbourne mate!
Good luck. Let us know how you get on.

JZ mum to Bradley 17/08/03 and Heidi 25/02/06

Hello Pauline, I also have lost my bestfriend recently. Unfortunately, I was in labor in the hospital when I found out, she was killed in a motorcycle accident. My childs birth was very bitter sweet, such sadness. I understand how hard it is to give your baby the attention they deserve while your trying to come to grips with the deep sense of loss and just missing your friend. It hurts alot, and it is really hard to accept that we will never see them again. Just want you to know you are not alone, like others who have posted here, I feel for you and encourage you to find people to support you, whether it's friends, GP or councellor. Preferably all of the above. Also remember time heals all. Hold onto the hope that things will get better. Hope this helps.

Pamela, SA, mum to Lisa 23.10.03

Hi Pauline,

I have had PND for the last 8 months. I have been on medication for the last 6 and can honestly say that I could not have coped without it. I don't have the support of family or many close friends, so I knew that I had to do what I could to cope with my depression - hence the medication. When my baby boy was born, my husband was a contractor at work so he couldn't really take much time of work as not only didn't he get paid for his absence but it wasn't the best idea for job security. I would be in tears every single day, morning, noon and night. My boy also had reflux which really didn't help matters at all. I wished at first that I didn't have him at all. I really feel very guilty now for saying it, but at the time I didn't. I can now honestly say, that he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Please see another GP and get them to prescribe some medication to help you cope, plus councelling just to get you through the really rough days. I know what people are like telling you to "be tough" and "you'll get over it" but trust me I'm talking from experience, that I could not have done it alone. This should be a very happy time in your life and there is not a moment to waste feeling the way you are feeling. If you need to contact me, my email address is samya.lee@bigpond.com I would love to hear about your progress. I am here for support if you need it.

All the very best, and I will be praying for you.

Sam

Mum to toddler

Hi everyone

Thanks for your words of wisdom. I am sick of crying all day and am going to see my old GP of 20 years on Thursday. I spoke to my child health nurse last week (with my husband so he can understand why I am feeling this way instead of getting frustrated!) she has been very helpful. I will let you all know how I am coping.

Thanks again.

Pauline
pauline

goodluck we are all thinkin of you

mandi

DD may 03, DS oct 06

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