Questions

As you know all too well, battling with a strong-willed toddler or preschooler inevitably leads to certain failure and lots of frustration.

Children hold onto their bowel motions for a number of reasons. For some it is a matter of control this is often the case when other things in their world seem to be out of their control like during times of significant change, beginning a new preschool, the birth of a sibling, or moving house.

It is important to transfer the control back to your child so that he feels that it is his decision to use the toilet, just remind him that he will need to wear a nappy or pull-ups until he wants to poo in the toilet. For other children withholding poos can be induced by fear, it can be quite scary to watch something of themselves disappearing down a toilet.

You can encourage him to help you empty his poo into the toilet so that he becomes more familiar with the process. Some children need additional incentives beyond praise sticker charts are good as they are a great visual reminder of their attainments.

He may be holding on because it hurts to poo constipation can be very common among younger children particularly if their diet consists of little fibre or liquids. If all else fails then it is certainly time to make an appointment to see your GP.

It is important to let your child to determine when she is ready to toilet train.

If she is feeling too pressured or stressed the process will only take longer or she may withhold wee or poo. The best thing to do is wait till she is ready and she shows interest again. Take your cue from her behaviour.

Involve your child in the process take your child when buying the potty. If he is disinterested put it away for a few months. You can involve him in the discussion about using the potty read books, tell stories and try to make it fun.

Demystify the toilet by imitation let your child watch you when you are on the toilet so he knows we all do it. One day it will simply fall into place.

These include:

• being able to control an urge to go,
• having a dry nappy for more than 2 hours,
• having predictable bowel movements,

Emotional indicators include:

• expressing an interest in using the toilet or potty,
• imitating your behaviour,
• demonstrating independence (often by saying no).

Children ready to toilet train have a desire to please adults (give gifts, enjoy praise).

Your child needs to be able to predict and indicate when he needs to go and is able to follow simple one step commands. If you start too early or before he is ready the process will be stressful and will take longer.

If you are feeling pressured to toilet train your child because of comments from friends and family, your anxiety within your self will most likely provide anxiety within your child.

Relax it will happen in its own good time.

You don t mention anything about his respective language, but it is important for him to be able to follow simple one step commands.

I think it is wonderful that you are working in partnership with your son's day care and working on his speech which appears to be significantly delayed.

Can I suggest you make an appointment with your GP to get a referral for a developmental assessment as they can rule out any problems that may contribute to learning/developmental delays.

One of my children began at 20 months while my son was not ready till 30 months. The more ready your child is, the easier the process will be.

First of all look for signs of readiness; Physical, emotional and communication indicators.

Physically your child needs to be able to understand the feeling and can feel the urge to go, bowel movements need to be predictable. Your son needs to be able to move around independently and be able to take his pants down and up with minimal assistance.

Emotionally He needs to be able to imitate your behaviour, shows an interest in using the toilet. It is not unusual for a child when they are showing signs of readiness to go away in a quiet corner to poo.

Communication he needs to be able to express a need to go to the toilet and follow simple instructions. The average length of toilet training takes about 3 to 6 months.

Watch for behavioural indicators like grimacing when they about to have a poo. Sometimes children need to be given help with indicators like shifting their weight from one foot to an other, so they begin to understand that this is their bodies way of telling them what is about to happen.

Boys should learn to wee first while sitting down as they need to feel comfortable when sitting to do a poo. If your son attends child care make sure to co ordinate toilet training plans to have consistency. Good Luck!

A similar thing happened with my own daughter who was keen to use the potty at 18 months stayed dry for a couple of weeks then was back in nappies again until 20 months. For her it was because she started a new preschool and we were renovating our house. It is important to let your child determine when she is ready to train again.

If she is feeling too pressured or stressed the whole process will only take longer or she may withhold her wee or poo. The best thing to do is wait until she shows interest. By all means you can continue talking to her about using the potty, let her sit on it fully clothed, or even watch you use the toilet.

Most importantly take your queues from her behaviour when deciding when to start again.

Most children who continue to wet their pants after age 5 tend to have smaller bladders which are too small to hold in all the urine that accumulates. Or occasionally emotional problems may be the cause so it is essential that we do not make too much of a big deal about what is happening.

If you are particularly concerned and your son is showing all the other signs of readiness it maybe a good idea to chat with your GP to see if there are any physical or psychological reason that's causing your son difficulties in achieving dryness.

The more ready your child is the easier the process will be. In deciding when to start look for signs of physical, emotional, and intellectual readiness. Physically your child needs to be able to recognise the feeling that he needs to go and is able to hold on.

He should have regular bowel movements and he needs to be able to independently get himself to a toilet or potty, as well as pull his pants down with minimal assistance. Children ready to train usually show an interest in going to the toilet and may be keen to imitate your behaviour.

He needs to be able to express the need to go to the toilet and follow simple instructions. Boys should learn to wee first while sitting down, so that they feel comfortable sitting to do a poo. When you do start ensure there's a sense of continuity between the method you use at home and the approaches that they use at kindy.

Stick to your guns and good luck!

Your children may be sick, angry, forgetful, tired, excited or just doesn t want to miss out on something that they're playing, and this is often the case with girls. My own daughter who is now 8, started wetting her pants again at 4, and it was simply because that she didn t want to drag herself away from a game she was very involved in.

It's important that you do not get annoyed with your daughter as she probably wishes she didn t have the accident either. Instead clean her up without concern, and remind her what ever she is doing, will still be there after she returns from the toilet.

You can monitor her for a while by reminding her that she may need to go to the toilet, and looking for queues she needs to go, like dancing around or holding herself. The more confidence she feels in herself the more likely she will have successes again.

In saying this there are a number of things you can do to help prepare your son for toilet training. When you see your son doing a poo or wee you can comment on this, Oh you've just done a wee (using a non-judgemental tone) as this will help him to learn what is going on with his body.

Summer is the perfect time to start training as you can let him play in the backyard without a nappy. Don t be shy about letting your son watch you using the toilet as he needs to be able to understand how this fits into the toileting process. Some children learn best through role-play so you could demonstrate this by putting his favourite doll or teddy on the potty.

If you choose to use a potty make sure it is easily accessible to minimise accidents and dress him in clothing that can be quickly pulled down. You can get him to dress himself in the morning and undress himself at night so that he gets lots of practice.

If your child has a regular time for bowel motions, say mid-morning, try to catch it by sitting your child on the potty don t forget to get really excited when this happens but not too excited so as to overwhelm him!

It's also a good idea to read books about toileting there are some wonderful books available through the Huggies book club that I purchased for my own children.

Remember that repetition and reinforcement are keys to success keep talking about how we do our wees and poos in the potty/toilet and importantly praise all successes (depending on your child you could use sticker charts, verbal praise or edibles) and ignore those little accidents.

Research shows that bladder capacity increases significantly between the ages of two and three, so by three most children are able to hold on and be dry for a reasonable amount of time. There are however a number of behaviours that you can look for to help determine whether your son is ready.

Look for signs of physical readiness such as periods of dryness and regular bowel motions it's also best to wait until your child can manage to pull his pants up or down.

Young children also need to be cognitively or intellectually ready this means he recognises the toileting process, that his body makes wees and that other people use the toilet when they want to wee (a good way to familiarise him with this is to let him watch you), he should also have the language skills to understand a simple request, such as please put your toys away or let's go to the potty .

I would wait until he shows an interest in using the toilet or potty forcing a reluctant toddler to toilet train is only going to create a battle for everyone and may turn the toilet into an object worth fearing.

Don t feel pressured to start training before he is ready waiting for these signs will ensure the process is much easier and much less stressful for everyone!

It is important to transfer the control back to your child so that he feels that it is his decision to use the toilet, just remind him that he will need to wear a nappy or pull-ups until he wants to poo in the toilet.

For other children withholding poos can be induced by fear, it can be quite scary to watch something of themselves disappearing down a toilet. You can encourage him to help you empty his poo into the toilet so that he becomes more familiar with the process or wait until he leaves the bathroom before flushing.

Encourage your son to sit on the toilet or potty at times when he typically has a bowel motion and offer him a reward when he is successful. Some children need additional incentives beyond praise sticker charts are good as they are a great visual reminder of their attainments.

For more information see Toilet Training Tips or read up on some Tips from Parents