toddler out of control, what to do?? waiting to see pediatritian dunno what to do

[jaiduss]

oliver is 3 years old and since he was born always a full on boy, hardly slept during the day and had bad colic all night, he was always a on the go baby having to hold everything and know every ones business. the last 12 months have been the worst though and at first i thought it was a jelousy thing with his lil sister but after hearing a tantrum the other day with "i hate you mum "( yes form a 3 year old that was told no) enough was enough, he now throws thantrums that last for a good hour and kicking and screaming if he does not get his won way, punching me just for the fun of it and has the attention span if 5-10 minutes, ive just had enough. my doctor has even put me on a mental health plan cos all i do is fend for him. he wont let me eat, shower, go to the toliet, sleep in my own bed, and to not cause a fight i just do it cos im so exausted, ive even had him knock a hot coffee out of my hands and had it just miss his sister crawling all cos i was not alowed to have it so he says.
please if anyone has some pointers till i can get some help id much appreaciate to

[Chiliwoman]

I dont have any advice for you, but just wanted to give you a great big ((((hug)))) & remind you that your toddler doesnt actually hate you! they just dont know how to express themselves properly yet.

I hope that you get some answers sooner rather than later

[SpoonfulofPerfect]

oh love, you poor thing

mstr 3 gets very angry sometimes too and often tries to take it out on miss 1. i have started to start the day with a big cuddle and then set out the rules for the day ( same everyday) and a reward chart in the beginning.( you can dowload and print them form the net and but stars form the reject shop"

be nice to each other
no hitting, or hurting one another/mummy or yr sister
Use you words instead arms and legs- tell mummy
I tell him that i know he is angry and i dont like it either but mummy is trying to help you. i say "no" or "later" because i want you to grow to be healthy and strong and nice.

If he says he hates you- say 'darling you can hate me but I love so much still"


At times i have had to restrain him by placing his back against my chest and holding his arms close to his body otherwise he would hurt himself.

HTH

[uhoh_spaghettio]

It sounds like he has a lot of energy.

Does he go to child care? I know that's not always the answer, but it might do him some good to socialise with kids his own age and burn up some of his energy. It would give you a little break aswell.

I also like the ideas the PP mentioned with setting the rules for the day. Maybe have a treat for if they are followed correctly.

{{big hugs}}

[LB466D]

Jaidus
Very difficult to know what to do isn't it. My eldest was out of control in a similar fashion last year, she got progressively worse until a wonderful Dr recommended I do a sleep study with her. Oh what a terrible time, for the whole family.
I would do 2 things. Firstly and the quickest thing - look at his diet, cut out preservatives, anything artifical. Google diet and removing artificals and your should find some good sites.
Secondly I would book yourself into a sleep specialist, or try and get into a public hospital but on an urgent list (peadatrician can probably help there). Poor sleep causes HUGE behavioural problems in both adults and children, but children just don't know how to control themselves so they just spin out of control. Studies have shown that alot of kids are actually misdiagnosed and drugged for ADHD when in fact they had sleep disorders and something as simople as tonsil removal could have fixed it. My daughter is completely different now and all we had to do was give her iron supplements every day for a couple of months. My daughter never slept through (consistently) until after the sleep study, now she's still a bit hit and miss as she has mild sleep apnea and we are waiting to get tonsils out. The sleep study showed us that she was being stirred/woken on average 10 times every hour. Not quality sleep by any means.
You need to rule out any health causes for his behaviour otherwise disciplining is just useless and frustrating. He doesn't like the feeling of getting out of control but can't stop himself. Very sad for both of you.
I hope you get some answers soon.

[ChrissynCoop]

its definately a trying time, but he needs to learn that you are in charge.
there are a couple of courses that you could looks into
1,2,3: Magic or Triple P (Positive Parenting Program) that are aimed at behaviour management.

You've got some great responses from other Mums here especially the house rules and being consistent everyday, having predictable routines can help as long as they are consistent.

The other big thing is having support people to back you up, your hubby/partner/friends/grandparents need to understand what your house rules are, limits for your kids are etc and back you up.

attending playgroup can be helpful for support for you and as exposure to other kids or even get him into preschool or daycare if you can.. it might be that he is needing extra stimulation?

hope you can get the help you need : )

[jaiduss]

thanks for all ur replys im in the process of setting up a diet and trying a few things taken out for two weeks and seeing how that goes, its just frustrating and exausting all at once, i wanna put him in preschool but im a bit scared cos he tends to kick and punch other children and that scares me cos he can hurt me and id hate to think of him doing it op some innocent lil kid who just wanted to play with him, i think the only person he is nice to is my 1 year old daughter and when he in a mood im not even alowed to touch her its like she is his rock if u know what i mean. i really dont beleive in medicating for add unless its strongly been tested and its a last resourt, but with myself having adhd and my brother in law having it too its looking like it might be a outcome and i refuse to medicate oliver there are opther alternatives there has to be, thank u all so verry much u have made me have a lil hope in trying new things with him, ill keep u all posted