I am really suffering at the moment. To cut a long story short... I first began experiencing Pure O about ten years ago...but got help and tooks meds and it went away for many years. I fell pregnant last year and decided to come off meds. After childbirth my Pure O came back. I started having horrible thoughts that I would hurt my baby...that I would lose control and go crazy. I knew I needed help, as my anxiety levels are so high. I decided to tell the nurses who have been visiting me to help me with my post natal depression. The nurses then called their head dr who said that I had to be admitted and that I was unsafe to be around my baby. I was so upset. My partner who I have been so afraid and ashamed of telling about my Pure O illness, had no idea what was happening...and as they were taking me away, she said to my partner, "there's a big difference between been scared of dropping the baby down the stairs and wanting to throw him down". As you can imagine my partner was horrified. I didn't get a chance to talk to him, as I was taken away to hospital...which was the worst car ride in my life. When I got to hospital the head psychiatrist talked to me and said I could go home as long as my partner was with me at all times...and that they had to report me to Child protection services. I feel devastated and deeply depressed. I never said I wanted to throw my baby down the stairs. The thing is I feel terrified that I will go crazy and do something like that...but I don't have any intentoin of doing it...or any desire to do it. I know I am extremely anxious...and these thoughts cause such anxiety and I can't stop them and it's just this horrible recurring thing. I also don't just have thoughts about my baby, I have it about other things too. Anyway, any words of encouragement would really help me right now. I have just started meds and am hanging out till they kick in. I really want to get better. I feel devastated that the nurse said those things to my partner as I felt it took my words out of context. Here is a link to Pure O OCD so that you can get a better understanding. I'd like to say that to admit I have this is sooo diffcult because I feel so scared and ashamed about these thoughts.

http://www.ocdla.com/postpartum-ocd.html

I am sorry they did this to you as they shouldn't of done that it will make you more anxious as you would feel that they see it but I don't know where you live but I know in perth there is a place where yu and bub can stay to get help that you need

I have OCD and I was terrified of something would happen to him or I would do something to cause harm not that I would of harmed him but I checked things and double checked things just to make sure I was doing things that would not result in him getting hurt, it is a year on and I still feel like this and I sought help for this and no-one thought I would do harm but they need to keep in check with OCD
but with PND I have never experienced this and I have heard it is terrible but treatable and I do wish you all the luck for the future as you know once before it will get better with treatment

I've never had to deal with OCD ontop of PND but I do know what you're going through. Well done on you for speaking up! That is nothing to be ashamed about or feel guilty about. The doctors kept telling me 'it's normal to have these thoughts, it's part of the illness' and all I kept thinking is HOW IS THIS NORMAL?! So, it's not, but it is, too, if you get what I mean.

But look, I know exactly what you're going through because I was there only a couple of months ago. I was absolutely petrified to be alone with my children, especially my youngest, because when I'd walk past the window I'd have thoughts of throwing him out, or when I walk past the stairs I'd have thoughts of just dropping him down them. And through it all, I never WANTED to hurt my babies, it's just these horrid thoughts that keep popping into my head. The scary thing was how strong the anxiety and fear was right at the beginning that I might actually do these things.

The pills don't heal you. They don't make the depression go away. They help you manage it, most certainly, but don't get your hopes up that it's going to kick in overnight or cure you. As long as you can get to that place in your heart, where you can say 'I would NEVER do that' when the bad thoughts come to mind, you'll be okay I recon.

Get as much sleep as you possibly can because I noticed when I have interrupted sleep, or not enough sleep, it has a major impact on my PND the next day.

Build a support group for yourself. Scan your local area and see if you can find any mother's networks or groups specifically aimed at depression. And force yourself to go. It gets easier and the long run it will be very beneficial for you, even if you can't see what the point is at the moment.

What I did, before I was put on meds and during the first couple of weeks when I started taking the meds, was to remove myself from the situation when I had bad thoughts. I would go do the dishes, or vaccuum, or just be somewhere else. I'd keep myself busy, busy, busy in an attempt to get away from the thoughts. I found that if I did that, and kept myself occupied with something else, that it was easier to avoid those thoughts. They lost their strength, if only a little.

You could also go to www.depression.org.nz where you can keep an online journal. It is private, not the kind of journal where you write in (I don't think it is anyway), but where you are given tips on how to help yourself get through it.

That nurse, my goodness, what an ignorant ignorant woman. I know it's upsetting, but any person who is willing to speak so matter-of-factly about such a complicated mental illness, should not deserve your attention. Put her out of your mind. Try to keep all the negatives away. Forget them, put them behind you, or they'll hold you back from getting better.

You can do this. The hardest step was to share it with us. You're on the right track, now just keep pushing forward. Lots of hugs to you!

Oh Honey, I am sending you the biggest hugs ever!!! I have never had pure O or PND but I did suffer from severe depression 2 years ago, I was hospitalised several times for it!!! You know what??? You are incredibly brave for admitting to someone that you need help!!! That takes a hell of a woman to do so!!! There are a hell of a lot of people out there who wouldnt take that initial step!!! Im sure your meds will kick again in no time & you will get back on an even keel!!! In the mean time just focus on getting through one step at a time & take care of yourself!!!

love, light and strength to you XXX

your a brave woman to speak up, that nurse was out of line and shouldnt have been so one lined about such a complicate illness esp combined with PND! make sure you get your current medical practitioners to correct any problems with child services that her comments may have caused.
id definately be talking in full honesty to your husband too and finding a support group or network is a great idea.

accept help so you can sleep, i found lack of sleep to greatly increase my PND. i didnt take meds but that may be a good option for you to help you through it.

GHB to you. xx you ARE and will be a great mother, speaking up for help is one of the hardest and bravest things you can do for your baby. it will be ok

Thank you everyone for your support. It's been a couple weeks now since I wrote and I can finally say that I am very, very slowly on my way to recovery. The SSRI's are definitely helping with the enormous anxiety I was feeling and counselling is starting to help me too....very small steps...but I think I will get there. I would just like to say....that there is loads of support for anyone with this and make sure to speak to a good doctor, as there is help out there.

Thank you everyone for your support. It's been a couple weeks now since I wrote and I can finally say that I am very, very slowly on my way to recovery. The SSRI's are definitely helping with the enormous anxiety I was feeling and counselling is starting to help me too....very small steps...but I think I will get there. I would just like to say....that there is loads of support for anyone with this and make sure to speak to a good doctor, as there is help out there.

I am so glad you are getting the help you need and it maybe slow but it will be so rewarding when you have got to the end of the tunnel
good luck