I have a 16 month old and im with a man who came into the picture when my daughter was a month old. He sais he loves my child as his own but if he has biological children it would be different which confuses me. This prompts me to ask the question: can a man REALLY love a child that is not biologically theirs? I would appreciate any opinion on the matter.

My df has taken on the daddy role of my 7 yr old was 4.5 at the time. He does love my son and I truely believe this, however we have since had a daughter together she is now 21 mths and I dont know if its an age thing or the sex of the child but sometimes I feel like he is harder on my son then he is on our daughter. He calls my son his son and will do anything for him. He takes him on daddy and son outings and goes bike riding ect with him but I guess I will always have that doubt in the back of my mind. HTH

I have a friend who is a stepdad and has his own child.

He said there is a difference in his feelings between his own child and his stepchild. He says it can't be helped. But ultimately he will do everything in his power to be a good Dad to both.

What more can you ask?

if something isn't 100%yours you can't love it 100% as their is so many things that can have you losing it or have it taken away from you
somewhere in a arguement you know you are going to hear your not my dad anyway or your not my real dad
and their are outside influences pulling on the child on the paternal side
but you can love anothers child and it is part of loving the package that is your partner
he will love his own 100% and it will be more precious but he will not if he says he loves your son love him any less he just could not love him 100%

my father came into my life when i was six years old....
he then maried my mother and they had my little brother. even though im 20 now and have a little girl of my own im still my daddys girl even though my parents have been separated for four years and it doesnt matter what anyone says boys and girls are ALWAYS treated differently.....
my father loves his three children all the same!!!!

I think he could but i understand how it will be different. I have 2 stepkids whom i love dearly but my biological son has my heart. He is my flesh and blood and if i had to choose, i would choose him, no questions asked. Sorry to offend but thats just my opinion.

I have seen many people love a child that is not biologically theirs as if they were there own, and I really and truly take my hats off to these people. The difference with these people is they refer to their non-biological child as 'their' child rather than a 'step child'

I have also seen one too many people who admittedly don't and worse ... they favour their own biological children over their stepchild/ren.

I met my DP when I was 18 and he was 17, I had a 2 year old DD. From the begining he took my DD as his own as my ex wasnt a very stable dad to my DD.

My DP has never referred to DD as his "step daughter" or "my partners daughter" he does and always has said this is MY little girl or MY daughter. Alot of people wouldnt even guess she isnt his biological child...

My DD is 9 now and knows who her biological father is but wouldnt give him the time of day. A few times she has had the opportunity to go visit with him but she turns him down.

As far as my DD is concerned my DP is her Dad and always will be...

We now have a DS together and another on the way but his feelings for my DD have never changed... He treats her the exact same way as my DS.

I have so much respect for my DP to be 17 years old and take on the role of a father figure and now alomsy 8 years on still be there doing a great job!

their are so many unselfish loving people out there who can take on others peoples responsibility and partners extras and this should always be commended and it is nice to that it is happening
as i said in an earlier post they will not love the step child any less but there is always a slight difference when it is your own
this can also manifest in a bad way as they may be harsher on their own in attempts to be fair
but it great to hear great stories about parents men and woman stepping up to the plate

my dad is a step dad to me and my youngest sister lauren, he loves as just as much as my sisters and brother that are his, we call him dad and he spends as much money and gives as much love to lauren as he can, when ever i need him he is always there, he was thrilled when he found out he was going to be a grandfather. i know alot of men wouldnt be as kind as my dad, but just because one man doesnt love a child because it's not his, doesnt mean every man is like that

Hi, when I met my Husband I had a 4 yr old boy(now9). He had 2 biological daughters who were 1 and 2, he also had a step daughter who was 7.5 yrs .They were with him full time.

I took on 3 step daughters and he took on a step son. So he had 2 step kids and I had 3 step kids.

I treated and loved these 3 girls as my own, and unfortunately my beautiful boy was put last(remember 2 of them were 1 and 2 and depended on me).

My DH would put his step daughter and daughters first and they were always treated better. He treated his step daughter like one of his own, as his daughters and step daughters got older, he got more and more wrapped around their little fingers, and "couldn't" see the c**p they were showing him or my self. He would let them get away with everything.

Now my son, who was struggling to feel like a part of the family was treated like c**p most of the time by DH. He would misbehave to get my attention and DH would yell the house down @ him.

For example; his step daughter would go into the kitchen without asking and open the fridge, he would ask her NICELY to go out of the kitchen, whereas if my son went into the kitchen and did the same thing he would get YELLED at asap to get out of the kitchen, I would ask DH why he would yell at my son the first time and ask his step daughter nicely the first time, he would tell me that he asked my son nicely numerous times before he yelled at him, my DH lied to me and we where in the same room when it happened(I would always observe the situation, and if I didn't like it I would say something), my son was copying his step sister and he got in trouble for it.

My son now has 3 brothers and the girls don't live with us or visit us, yes it is hard for him not to see them, but now none of the kids get treated so differently.

I feel that for my DH it is that he didn't have a good relationship with his father,so he is learning how to relate to the boys properly, my son still gets in trouble alot and has emotional issues.

He says that he loves my boy, and I really hope he does, I feel he has the chance to love him more and get to know him better because the girls aren't here.

I feel that he loves him, but not so much as his own,I'm confusing myself now, LOL.

Sorry for the rant, this is just what happened in my situation.

Amy

Thanks for everybody's reply to this post. I was always hesitant about having a child to another man in the fear my daughter will be treated differently, i have now come to the solid realization that i will not have another child as i don't want this happening, its sad but i guess there are more people out there that will not or cannot love a child that is biologically theirs differently. This saddens me but everyone has a right to feel whatever they want. I do believe there are people out there that can child that is not biological theirs as their own but they are rare to find. Once again thanks for your responses.

i don't think you should come to an answer about having a child with this man by what other people's opinions are on the subject.
i would like to believe that every man is different and it depends solidly on that and your relationship.
if everyone posted a comment that said yes its wonderful and easy and full of positive commments would that have influenced your decision ?
your man has been with you since your child was one month old. he has been there from the start, he wouldn't stick around if he didnt love you both.
i don't think you can love a 'step child' to the same degree as your own, but that doesn't mean that you don't love them, want to help them, support them, look after them and want whats best for them. that is just my opinion. i think it is hard to have a view on the matter without experiencing the situation.

your partner will continue to love your child but as he says he expects he would be different towards his own child you see how wonderful he is with your child if you want another this man seems the ideal person
lets be fair a man with two children of his own can feel better to one ahead of the other especially if he is one that wanted a boy or girl

I agree with both Danni and Proud.

He is being honest in saying that he would probably love his own child more. That's what he thinks. It may turn out not to be that way! If you WERE to have a his child, maybe 5 years down the track he would say " You know what! I love both MY children equally ".

You asked him a question and he replied as honestly as he could. Nobody KNOWS how they are gonna feel till they are in that situation.

If he wants a child and this is the reason you don't want to. I think you are being unfair. However, I'm sure there are many other factors that have gone into your choice.

Hi there once again thanks for all your replies, very much appreciated, well i based my decision on what i think is best for my dd in this situation that i am in, i didn't base it on anyones opinions, opinions just help me acquire more knowledge which brings in understanding and/or a new perspective, but thats totally of the subject lol.

Posted by: RockiesLimpet


You asked him a question and he replied as honestly as he could. Nobody KNOWS how they are gonna feel till they are in that situation.

Yeah i totally agree with you there, however its not reassuring at this point of time that my dd will perhaps be teated differently, its just not a good feeling.

And yeah i know i will be treating him unfairly if i don't have his child but he came into this relationship knowing that i did not want anymore kids, however i finally caved into thinking that i might want to have kids with him.

Upon saying this a week ago i thought we were expecting as u know what were late, but instead of acting happy or whatever excited expecting dads do he went totally silent and told me i had to get rid of it, i guess it hurts when you've already herd it from the first guy and now your hearing it form a guy your suppose to be marring. It just plays on your mind alot, thankfully i am not pregnant.

Man this is getting personal, i already know what my answer to the question is, i want to know what your answers are people. Again thanks for all your opinions so far.

My dad came into my life when I was 2 yrs old and has always told me that he loves me just as much as my younger brothers and sister who are biologically his.

I have always had problems with my mum but dad has stood by me through thick and thin which proves to me even more that he loves me.

I asked dad your question and his anwser was that in the end blood doesn't matter because he was the one who clothed, feed but most important of all loved me my whole life and nothing is more important than the love of the child in question.

Hope this helps
Christine

hi i have 2 boys from a previous relationship a 6 yr old and a 3yr old,i have been wth my partner for nearly 2 years and he has a much closer relationship with my youngest because he feels like hes been there from the start and shared all the milestones with me. hes brilliant with both and i give him all the credit in the world for it but now we are expecting our first child together and i am really worried about how this will change the relationship he has with my boys. i know he loves my kids but i just hope he doesnt become harder on them because this child is biologicaly his. i feel its going to be hard on the boys as it is a big change as their real father has recently had a child to another person which was a confusing time for them,they asked questions like how come the baby is our sister but not your baby it was heartbreaking. i only want whats best for them and hope this baby brings us closer together as a family not puh us apart. soz for the long reply but its been on my mind and when i read your post felt kind of relieved that im not the only one who worries about this issue. thanks

I don't think it is possible for anyone to love someone elses child as much as their own. However, in saying that, there is all kinds of love and providing that all the children are "loved", treated equally and given the neccesities of life, then there really isn't anything to be concerned about.

hi my name is chris im 29 have a 5. 4. and a 12 days old and if thay wornt mine and i love you that much well yes thay are our kids just ass much as yours but if you use the saying well thay ant your realy kid when im disaplin the kids and you dissagrey with wot im saying something like thet will brak my hart thanks

my brother took on two children who were not his, they were 1/nearly 2 years old and 2 weeks old. since then they have had a boy that is biologically his and is 13 weeks pregnant again. becuase the boys were so young when he took on the father role they do not know any better. and if anyone says they are not his then watch out. he loves them all equally and treats according to their age and developmental level. He says that he loves them all equally but there is a difference between the type of love. im not sure what that means tho... my mother said something similar saying she loves my brothers children and will love them as equally as mine but its a different love, she said a love for your daughters child is as equal as the love for your sons child... but there is always a differece. and i guess my relationship and love for my father is as equal but is different to the relationship and love for my mother. its hard to explain. sorry if i am just confusing you. but trust me it can work and as long as the father treats the children with love and respect that are shared equally between them... it is desirable and acceptable. what more can you ask for.

I have a natural grandchild and my son is raising his new partners 3 mth old little girl he was there during pregnancy and labor and he loves her just as much as he does his boy and we love her too to me she is my grandchild to love a child is easy love has no boundries when it come to loving a child. I have 3 other kids whom I have been an honary nanna too for 8 yrs and my love for them is just as strong. and i feel trully blessed to be given this honor of be nanny to all of these kids.

I have never met my real father, ever. My stepdad has been in my life and my younger brothers lives since I was 7yo and they were 4yo and 2yo. I am now 17yo and he has been there for me through thick and thin.
There have been ups and downs, including him and my mum breaking up not too long ago, the many fights we have had and a few other major dramas but he is still there for me. It may have taken a few years for us to all get used to it, but he has been there when we have all needed him the most.
To be honest, my stepdad is my dad. And I know he considers my brothers and I as HIS kids. He probably wont get the chance to have biological kids of his own, so we are all he has. It is possible to love a child that isnt biologically yours, me and my brothers are living proof of it.

my boyfriend has a 6 year old son. when he found out his now ex was pregnant all those years ago he wasnt sure if the baby was his, because of his girlfriends history while they were together. she left him 3 weeks before the baby was born for his best friend.
he was called 8 hours after the birth of his son. she went round to his house and started smashing up his car with a baseball bat till he signed the birth certificate. he'd got a $3000 loan to buy all the baby stuff and she took off with it.
he didnt see his son again till he was 18 months old and then not again till he got a phone call when his son was 3. he had to drive interstate to pick up his son because the mum had lost custody for possession of drugs. so he was then looking after his 3 year old son he hadnt seen in years. he had to quit his job and take out all the money in his super to buy a bed and clothes and everything for his son.
my boyfriend couldnt cope with looking after his son after a while and so his nan stepped in an took him for a while. his sons now 6 and just finished his first year of primary school.
my boyfriend still isnt sure if his son is really his. he says he loves him too much to want to find out that he isnt his and so wont find out. he's trying to get his son back but his nan wont let him and now the mother is back and she's trying to get him too.
i've grown to love his little boy too, and i've only met him once.
it tears me apart to know that the mother is trying to get custody of her son when she has another boy whos 14 months younger who sleeps on the floor at the end of her and her boyfriends bed, god only knows what things he hears at night. in the next room is where they smoke their weed. and child services are saying the mother has more of a chance getting her son back than my boyfriend does. even though my boyfriend has a good paying job and a home. the mother is living in a house with 6 other adults and another kid, she doesnt hav a job and it isnt her house.

I've never known my biological father. My mum made him leave when I was about 2 years old. He changed and turned very abusive and so she made him leave. She's too strong to put up with that crap.

My step father came into my life shortly after that, so I don't remember anyone else being my dad but him. To us both, he's my dad and I'm his daughter. He has twin boys from a previous marriage, plus another boy to my mum. I don't know if his feelings between us kids differ somewhat, I wouldn't blame him if they did
(I have a baby of my own, I know how it is!) But he has never ever ever made me feel like he has loved me any less. We are so close, we have always been close! So much so that because our features are similar, and mine and mum's aren't (and mum and I have never had much of a relationship) people think that dad is my real dad and that MUM is the step parent! haha!

of course you can love them, but i think deep down you have a different bond with your own child then a stepchild, as you produced them and they came from you and your blood, they are 100% a piece of you. and you never want to take the place of their biological father or mother so as much as you can love something that isn't yours, there is an invisible distance you keep from them.

from my point of view..I was adopted when I was 9months old and I know that my parents and older brothers (who are my parents biological children) do REALLY love me. There is no difference at all even though we don't share the same blood. I think it would be different because of the experiences that you have shared when children are biologically yours...but it doesn't mean they don't love you just as much. Just its simply different. I don't have any desire to search for my biological family as my family here is my real family...its the only family I have known and they are the best. smile

I think he could but i understand how it will be different. I have 2 stepkids whom i love dearly but my biological son has my heart. He is my flesh and blood and if i had to choose, i would choose him, no questions asked. Sorry to offend but thats just my opinion.

I have to agree with this.

I can only love my step D a certain degree & although I go out of my way for her, my only child, who is 10 years her junior, comes first.

Its been almost 2 years since me and my ex broke up. I met her while she was already prego by a month. she didnt find out she was until around month 5 or 6. I decided to stay with her. I didnt know how i felt about loving another mans child but i decided i would try. I ended up being in the room when she was born, and as soon as i saw her i was in love. ITs actually making me cry right now and i dont cry alot. I changes her first diaper and gave her her first bath. i gave everything i had to this little girl. Her name is sophia btw. My ex decided she didnt want to be with me (she had commitment problems, i was her longest relationship and after about a year she always moves on well this had beem about a year and a half). I tell you what people you can love a lil girl with all your heart whether she is yours or not. There is not a second that goes by that i dont miss and think about sophia. I still cry at night and like i said i dont cry. I love this little girl with all my heart, i miss chasiin her around the house and feeding her and i honestly miss changing her diapers. i had no legal right to her so i couldnt ever see her. Even tho i was taking care of her more then her mother was. SHes gonna be 3 in feb and it does make me smile thinking about her but it still hurts my heart. So sorry to make this so long and give u a life story but yes you can love a child not biologically yours.

34 years ago I babysat two children that were not mine. A little 4 yo girl and a 2.5 yo boy. Their father did not spend much time with them and they quickly cared for me as their big brother and, maybe, as a father. I also quickly fell in love with them and missed them very much when we were not together. They were my little angels and I spent as much time with them as I was allowed to over the following 4.5 years. I would babysit them and visit them when they did not need a babysitter. They loved me and I loved them more than anything in the world. Their mother did not like that they cared so much about me and she started to tell them that they had to choose between her and me. I eventually had to leave them because it wasn't fair to them. They had to choose their mother and hurt their best friend to please their mother. I would have given everything for them; I gave them up to give them a chance of a normal relationship with their mother (the toughest thing I ever had to do in my 52 yr life). When I left them, I moved across the country just so that it wouldn't hurt too much. The pain followed me wherever I went and to this day I can't think of my two little angels without tears coming to my eyes and incredible sadness in my heart. 12 years after I left them I married and got a daughter. I love my daughter, but she never replaced my two little angels. I still miss them as much now as I did 30 years ago. I know what it is like to love my child and I can guarantee that I love my two little angels like my own children, even if their mother once told me that I was nothing to them. I have wished so many times to meet them again and be part of their life. In my heart they are still my children and will always be for as long as I live. My little girl is now 38, soon to be 39 and my little boy will turn 37 in just a few days. I am a father and I could never ask my daughter, no more than I could have asked my two little angels, to give up something she loves, much less someone she loves, for me. I know we can love children that are not biologically ours even more than some parents love their own children.