so my name is Rachael and im 20 years old

im having my first baby in jan next year early jan and ever since me and my ex found out its been a mission he broke up with me when i was only 7 weeks i am now 21 weeks and he still has had no contact with me at all sad he feels ashamed of this baby and ive been trying my best to contact and try and talk but that got me no where at all. are there any other single mums or mums to be that have gone through anything like this ??? i would love for feed back as i feel scared alone i have family support and friends support as well but i never stop thinking about him he was my first love everything happened quickly we had only been to gether for 6 months it was a very big shock.

help if any one can

1. dont pressure him. it will only HURT you more.
2. look up a book called " becoming us, by Elly taylor"

Find some good support either in your family or friends. I wouldnt worry about trying to call or talk to him, if he has left it this long i dont think he will be coming back nor will he be interested in the bub and that can lead to problems emotionally for you..

its all about you and baby now. no one elce.
But if he does decide to come back, couples counselling i would say and if he run's you know its not worth it.

Good Luck Mate

http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Us-essential-relationship-ebook/dp/B005E834OM/ref=sr_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1314785122&sr=1-5


Here's the link for that book.

sorry to hear that, but congrats on the bub.. i guess thats hard, i have friends who are single and mothers and the ups and downs are hard, but honestly if you are wanting this bub and will love this bub then that is what matters.

if he decides to come around then great but if not, you should definately assess yourself and your own capabilities, because sometimes men just need more time.. im 20 and at 20weeks and my first baby too smile ,anyways i have a friend who his girlfriend got pregnant then they broke up just as she found out and he hated it and was all questioning having the baby and didnt want her to and then didnt want to be involved and pushed her away, and then when it came to the crunch and she had the baby, he came to the birth and is now a very active dad even though they are no longer together, and he loves his baby and is around even though originally he hated the idea and wanted nothing to do with it.

and i dont want to get your hopes up but basically, give him some time and some space and keep him in the loop in a way of For your info i thought i would let you know whatever.. but dont force him.. some guys just need time.. hopefully he will come round like my friend did and it might be okay, but take some time to yourself to bond with your bub and know that your bub wil be just fine and great with you as it would with both of you smile i hope this helps :S

hope is still there, but definately make sure you will be just fine without him even though it is hard.. keep your head up tho! you will be a wonderful mother regardless.

I hope he comes around for you and bub smile

Rachael

Congratulations on 21 weeks! and 14 of which you did on your own!

I was in a similar situation

Was with my ex for 3 months when we found out I was pregnant. At 6 months pregnant, only knowing him for 9 mths, he said he didnt feel the same. Essentially we broke up. I was left in a house to pay on my own, I couludnt work because pregnancy brought on Dysautonomia, a really crappy condition to have when pregnant, so no work , no money, no life, no boyfriend.

2 days after I was discharged after having baby, I went back into hospital for post natal depression, for 2 WEEKS! It sucked.. I found out the ex moved interstate for a gf he hardly knew. I moved down 2 months later, with baby, knowing he had a gf but wanting CHloe and her dad to bond. We now live together, he has ANOTHER gf, and it is one crappy situation.


You can't force someone to be there who is not 100% committed.

Having a baby is the greatest thing you will ever do. You deserve happiness at such a time. As long as you don't bad mouth your babys father, in front of the baby. As long as baby knows their dad they will makeup their own mind. Kids are ruthless, they usually see some things for what they are.

DOn't waste time on a dead end. Be happ, confident, healthy and stoked on yourself. Picture you and your baby in your own little home set up exactly the way you want. Doing everything how you want. Be happy with yourself and you will find the right thing.

You need to ask yourself is your baby better off with a lousy dad, or an absent one?

You will get there, dont lose sight and things will stay on track.

Good Luck. Feel free to message me anytime!

smile

Congratulations 21 weeks and your doing great!!

I was in a similar situation with my 1st (DD now 6) i was much younger than him, got pregnant after 3 months and he walked away. My advice to you is forget him...chasing him will only hurt you more. Focus on your beautiful new baby and the amazing life you two will have together.

It is his loss if he doesnt want to be involved in his childs life, he is missing out not you and one day he will regret it. My daughter is 6 now and sees her dad maybe once or twice a month, we have bothed moved on and he has the cheek to be upset that she calls her step dad - ''dad''

stay strong and know that you can do this, sometimes it is hard when there is no one else to get up in the middle of the night but on the other hand the benefit of being a single mum from the beggining is you dont know any differant...so you cant miss what you dont know.

Dont feel guilty because you havnt managed to make it work between babys father....i spent a long time beating myself up about this. Your baby wants you to be happy, not stuck in a miserable relationship that was never meant to be...

Good luck, if you ever want to chat / vent feel free to message me i sooo know where you are right now.

1. dont pressure him. it will only HURT you more.
2. look up a book called " becoming us, by Elly taylor"

Find some good support either in your family or friends. I wouldnt worry about trying to call or talk to him, if he has left it this long i dont think he will be coming back nor will he be interested in the bub and that can lead to problems emotionally for you..

its all about you and baby now. no one elce.
But if he does decide to come back, couples counselling i would say and if he run's you know its not worth it.

Good Luck Mate

Katelocke89 "Great advice"

Congratulations first of all and good luck. Being a parent for the first time is daunting let alone doing it solo. As you have been advised, do not pressure him in any way as this will only end up hurting you more than ever. Just accept that you may have to be a solo parent and hopefully in time he will come around on his own. I do not understand why he feels ashamed of this baby. Having the support of your family and friends will get you through the tough times guaranteed. Try looking up websites to see if there are support groups in your area for mothers in similar situations to yours. Sometimes talking with other mums to be can help you vent out all the frustration you are feeling and perhaps even give you helpful hints and ideas of how to handle this situation. Once you have that little bubs in your arms all your worries will be thrown out the window. Being a mother is one of the most exciting times of your life. Enjoy and be happy. Things will only get better I am sure. Keep us posted.

Hi chick. I feel for you! And I know what you're going through!

Im 22, 29 weeks with my first and going to be a single/solo mum too. I've been on my own from about week 12 of my pregnancy so have had to get my head around the idea that I'll be doing this without 'baby doner' being on the scene. At first the idea of being a single mum was scary as hell and it's certainly not how I dreamed my first child would be bought into the world. When I fell pregnant it was totally unplanned, like you baby doner and I were together for a short amount of time and even for those few months it was clear that he was not the person I thought he was. He had us all fooled and did some really horrible things to me and my family. It was enough to tell him to leave and he happily walked away once he realised we had worked out his scheming ways.... He's a mongrel basically.... Total loser.

Have you got good support around you? I really believe it's vital to have a strong support line in a situation like this. If you stick to your guns and surround yourself with those people then both you and baby will benefit greatly. I don't know I could do this on my own if it wasn't for my family and group of friends assuring me that I will be O.K. and make a fantastic mother. In the beginning I had every reason to think that my DD was going to be disadvantaged because her father wasn't on the scene but I realise that we are far better off without him and don't actually need him. Your baby will grow up knowing she is loved, safe and respected and what a wonderful gift you can give her. If baby see's that you're okay and you are happy than baby will be too

I guess that's where you need to make the decision on what's best for you and baby. If he's not bothering to contact you, is he really worth it? It sounds like he wasn't going to be a responsible partner or father anyway, so do you really want to be with someone who doesn't value you? I think you'll be better off without him. You need to value yourself hun, just think of what a special bond you will have with your baby once he/she arrives, it is such a beautiful gift you're bringing into the world <span class="emoticon smile">smile</span>

Feel free to PM me or add me, always keen to talk and offer support if you need it. Be strong deary!

wow thank you guys so much for your advise i didnt realise how may people go through slimar situations now being 22 weeks and 3 days thing have been getting easier. i do have a lot of family support . i have heard from his best friend that he is thinking of getting in contact some time soon so in a way its good and we will see how it goes. but im not holding my breath ive realised that my baby is number one now and My little boy is all that matters. even though its not easy i have to be strong no matter what smile im looking foward to seeing what my bundle of joy looks like i cant wait only 18 more weeks to go yay . i have slowly been buying baby stuff and am enjoying it as well. thank you guys so so much i really apperate it

so my name is Rachael and im 20 years old

im having my first baby in jan next year early jan and ever since me and my ex found out its been a mission he broke up with me when i was only 7 weeks i am now 21 weeks and he still has had no contact with me at all sad he feels ashamed of this baby and ive been trying my best to contact and try and talk but that got me no where at all. are there any other single mums or mums to be that have gone through anything like this ??? i would love for feed back as i feel scared alone i have family support and friends support as well but i never stop thinking about him he was my first love everything happened quickly we had only been to gether for 6 months it was a very big shock.

help if any one can

If you want some girl friends to talk to (unrelated to your situaltion) any time, feel free to catch up sometime! im in armadaleand have2boys (one is due in feb 2012) but i feel for you hun and if youd like to catch up im here smile *hugs* be strong

Hi, I am 21 and expecting my first baby smile I am also due in January and baby's dad and I broke up when I was almost 18 weeks. He has a 4 year old daughter from a previous relationship and he is a fantastic dad to her so I never imagined I would have the trouble I've had since I left our home.

I too feel as though he is ashamed of this baby; when I was 28 weeks there was still friends and family he hadn't told sad. At first he said he wanted to still be completely involved, would still be there for me, everything. After a while drinking and being with his friends became more important...almost as if he was having some sort of midlife crisis lol. Nearly 30 weeks and dad has bought nothing for baby..

The idea of doing most of this alone is incredibly daunting, and despite knowing I have heaps of support from my friends and family, I understand its just not the same as having that partner there with you every step of the way.

As much as I hope he comes around, I know I'm better off focussing on myself and my son, and making sure we'll be ok without him. And that is probably the best advice I can give you smile There's a strange sense of peace that comes with just accepting he may be useless lol. You and your baby are the most important thing here, and if you're happy baaby's happy smile

Basically just wanted to say I really feel for your situation, have been going through something similar myself..feel free to talk to me if ever you need smile