I'd love to hear from anyone on this. DD is three months old, and has always been a wonderful night sleeper and not brilliant at naps (but not terrible). However, she will only fall asleep in my arms and then I put her in the crib with no problems. A week ago we decided to start sleep training so she can learn to fall asleep in her cot, so I've been putting her down awake, then using various settling techniques (patting, shooshing, etc) when she cries. If she gets really distressed, I pick her up and comfort her and then try again.

Sounds great, huh? The problem is that it's been a week and I actually feel like we're going backwards. Poor DD has never been a big crier, and now she wails as soon as her head hits the mattress because she knows what's coming. Putting my hands on her, patting, etc can take an hour to settle her down, and more often than not she just falls asleep out of sheer exhaustion while still quietly whimpering. She now won't even settle well in my arms and has started waking up more frequently overnight and taking ages to settle again. If I pick her up she quietens, but the second I put her down again she starts crying even more.

Has anyone else experienced this? I'm trying to do the right thing for my baby, but I feel like I am making her fearful of sleep. And the worst thing is that I feel like it's affecting our bond - like she's associating me with abandoning her. It has broken my heart, and I'm a bit of an emotional wreck after a week of it. But I don't know what else to do!

My DS was exactly the same as your DD at that age. DS is now 6 months and can now self settle, it was only when he was 5 months that he began doing this if the mood suited him.

All I can say is don't rush it, it will happen - 3 months is still quite young so maybe try again in a month or so.

Good luck!

while feeding my little one i gave her a little blanket with my scent on it, as she would grab my hands and cry as soon as i put her in her cot. i give it to her in bed she smells it feels it plays abit with it then falls asleep its better than her crying and i only let her have it for sleep.

while feeding my little one i gave her a little blanket with my scent on it, as she would grab my hands and cry as soon as i put her in her cot. i give it to her in bed she smells it feels it plays abit with it then falls asleep its better than her crying and i only let her have it for sleep.

its about size of hand has a bear on it

Thank you both for support and suggestions. We've decided to ease off a bit and everyone is much happier already. I'll take it slowly and we'll get there when she's ready!

Try reading save our sleep by Tizzie Hall, I found it to be really useful.

Try reading save our sleep by Tizzie Hall, I found it to be really useful.

Save our sleep saved my life. We followed Tizzie's advice from when our twins were about 3 weeks old and they now (12 weeks) both sleep for 2 hours twice a day and from 7pm to 6am at night! I recommend reading this book and using her strategies!

why do you want her to fall asleep in her cot? what is the consequence if you hold her while she goes to sleep? what are the positives in you holding her to go to sleep?

I am a firm believer in not training babies so they don't have problems when they are a child. Babies feel safe falling asleep in their mums arms. It is biological. By holding a baby while they go to sleep, it attends their need at the appropriate age. A 4 year old is not going to require you to hold them.

The problem we have these days, is we don't have time to parent according to our babies needs. they have to fit in around work, school or reality tv. tongue
If we were to trust the babies, they do what they need when they need. Your baby was falling asleep fine, but you feel you need to get them doing it on their own. I am only assuming its so you aren't tied to doing it for the whole time they are little and I am assuming its in the kids best interest. What if little kids are meant to go to sleep that way? Thats why its so much easier. People spend so much time convinced their baby shouldn't have the upper hand, they totally stress themselves out. Babies only rely on instinct. They fall asleep when safe, they are happy when all their needs are met. To fight that to make them do what we think they should be doing is ludicrous. Just relax, trust your little one and enjoy your night time cuddles. You baby is only a baby for a year....

Tizzies book is very good at totally undermining a babies actual physical and emotional needs. Its very useful for wedging a door open, but the techniques are totally inappropriate.

why do you want her to fall asleep in her cot? what is the consequence if you hold her while she goes to sleep? what are the positives in you holding her to go to sleep?

I am a firm believer in not training babies so they don't have problems when they are a child. Babies feel safe falling asleep in their mums arms. It is biological. By holding a baby while they go to sleep, it attends their need at the appropriate age. A 4 year old is not going to require you to hold them.

The problem we have these days, is we don't have time to parent according to our babies needs. they have to fit in around work, school or reality tv. tongue
If we were to trust the babies, they do what they need when they need. Your baby was falling asleep fine, but you feel you need to get them doing it on their own. I am only assuming its so you aren't tied to doing it for the whole time they are little and I am assuming its in the kids best interest. What if little kids are meant to go to sleep that way? Thats why its so much easier. People spend so much time convinced their baby shouldn't have the upper hand, they totally stress themselves out. Babies only rely on instinct. They fall asleep when safe, they are happy when all their needs are met. To fight that to make them do what we think they should be doing is ludicrous. Just relax, trust your little one and enjoy your night time cuddles. You baby is only a baby for a year....

Agree with this post... trust your instincts, I try and put my baby down when she has those big tired blinks. If she falls asleep on me it is not the end of the world. My mum said same thing as this poster. Your baby is 1 week old for a week.... 1 month old for a month, 1 year old for a year. Time goes so quick enjoy the moments you have. I don't think you see a naughty 7 year old and go that must have been because their mother let them fall asleep in their arms. Follow your babies queues. If your baby is warm, has a full belly, clean nappy, no wind and feels safe they should sleep.

Agree with this post... trust your instincts, I try and put my baby down when she has those big tired blinks. If she falls asleep on me it is not the end of the world. My mum said same thing as this poster. Your baby is 1 week old for a week.... 1 month old for a month, 1 year old for a year. Time goes so quick enjoy the moments you have. I don't think you see a naughty 7 year old and go that must have been because their mother let them fall asleep in their arms. Follow your babies queues. If your baby is warm, has a full belly, clean nappy, no wind and feels safe they should sleep.

I agree too... DD has fallen asleep in my arms since she was born & I see no reason to stop doing it smile She & I both enjoy it & it gives us cuddle time, Which I love... Ease up on yourself & do what feels right for you & bub.. Whatever that may be!! If you are both comfortable & happy then that is what matters!!!

I think no matter what you choose to do in terms of sleep and settling you need to be consistent. No method is going to work without time, as you are teaching it to your baby you need to give them time to learn it. SO I would say make your mind up about what you want to do and be prepared to work at it until you get it right.

I'm not going to try and tell you what to do or to judge anyone for their decision but personally, I don't cuddle my DS to sleep. But that's my choice, and one that I thought long and hard about. We used the Tracey Hogg (baby whisperer) method and it worked for us. No regrets there. It has made bed time a lot easier and less stressful for both DS and me. He is in bed asleep after he shows signs of being tired, rather than sitting up and getting over stimulated and grizzley.

I agree with miss bee

Choose something & stick to it.

Your baby has only been on the planet for 12 weeks, still so young. In that 12 weeks, you have put her to sleep only 1 way, so that's the only way she knows.. if you decide to persist with self settling, then you may need to give her another 2-3 months to get used to it & learn it..

Personally, i do whatever works for my individual baby & my family situation at the time.
My first baby, i had to pat to sleep until he was 9-10 months old, my second self settled at 6 weeks old, yet i had done nothing different - it's just them - it's who they are.

This is such great advice and something I wish as a new mum of a 3 month old I'm just starting to figure out for myself.

There is so much advice out there about what not to do because it is setting your baby up with bad habits but I think a lot of it goes against your natural instincts not to mention your baby's!

I think I am just realising myself that you have to go with whatever works! I need to enjoy all my cuddles while I can, time is going way too fast!!

why do you want her to fall asleep in her cot? what is the consequence if you hold her while she goes to sleep? what are the positives in you holding her to go to sleep?

I am a firm believer in not training babies so they don't have problems when they are a child. Babies feel safe falling asleep in their mums arms. It is biological. By holding a baby while they go to sleep, it attends their need at the appropriate age. A 4 year old is not going to require you to hold them.

The problem we have these days, is we don't have time to parent according to our babies needs. they have to fit in around work, school or reality tv. tongue
If we were to trust the babies, they do what they need when they need. Your baby was falling asleep fine, but you feel you need to get them doing it on their own. I am only assuming its so you aren't tied to doing it for the whole time they are little and I am assuming its in the kids best interest. What if little kids are meant to go to sleep that way? Thats why its so much easier. People spend so much time convinced their baby shouldn't have the upper hand, they totally stress themselves out. Babies only rely on instinct. They fall asleep when safe, they are happy when all their needs are met. To fight that to make them do what we think they should be doing is ludicrous. Just relax, trust your little one and enjoy your night time cuddles. You baby is only a baby for a year....

This is such great advice and something I wish as a new mum of a 3 month old I'm just starting to figure out for myself.

There is so much advice out there about what not to do because it is setting your baby up with bad habits but I think a lot of it goes against your natural instincts not to mention your baby's!

I think I am just realising myself that you have to go with whatever works! I need to enjoy all my cuddles while I can, time is going way too fast!!

Thats the best thing you can honey!! smile There is no "wrong or right" way to do things... What might work for some people might not work for others!! My theory is if it feels right & you are all happy then you are doing the right thing!! grin

Hello we took dd to sleep school at 3 months because she would take hours to get to sleep.
long story short , when her head hits the matress she was wailing too.
it was like she knew what was coming....

so we pat her on shoulder now , she has been going to sleep really easy last couple of days lol.
it went worse for aweek then good then bad now good lol
one month later.

I hold her longerin arms now before putting her into her cot.
like settle her.

i stopped eating dairy and some veg's that were upsetting her too.
hang there it will happen.
i dont believe in holding her to sleep or rockng etc etc
she is clean slate what ever you give her she will expect
just be consistant.
you were having problems I would say anyway to be going to sleep school..
now she dosnt like it she she would be protesting
hang in there it will get better one day she will just to sleep.

good luck
dd went to sleep last night awake and cooing at me in her cot.
i walked out shut the door and she went to sleep a whole 12 hours!!

Well, at 4.5 months DD is now an absolutely fabulous sleeper. I think the 'sleep training' (have learned not to use that term because people think I mean CIO which I am violently opposed to!) was more difficult on me than her, and after an emotional week I backed off a bit and picked her up as soon as she started crying, and once she was calm I put her down and patted her etc.

I completely agree with the poster who said nowadays people try to make their baby fit in with their schedule, which is utterly ridiculous. My life revolves around this gorgeous bub and her needs—the main reason I wanted her to fall asleep in the cot in the first place was because if she fell asleep in my arms, she would then wail after 20 minutes when she woke and realised she was in the cot. I have too many friends who were absolutely desperate by the time their child was 12 months because they had let them fall asleep in their arms every nap and the child didn't know how to self-settle—and why would I resort to sleep school later on if I know I can teach good habits early??

DD is so much happier now that she has learned to self-settle, and loves her bed. At sleep time I put her in her sleeping bag, sing her the same lullaby, and put her in her cot—she rolls over and sticks her thumb in her mouth, and is practically asleep by the time I make it to the door (usually, anyway!). It won't always be like this I know, but I am so glad she knows some healthy sleeping habits and now wakes smiling and cooing after a two hour nap. It also means I am very relaxed about occasionally rocking or feeding her to sleep—as someone else said, they're only little for such a short time. Why wouldn't you want to take advantage of every cuddle?

I think everyone just needs to pick the 'method' that's right for them and their baby. You have to be comfortable with whatever decision you make.

I don't believe you can train a baby to sleep its like us some days we have issues with sleeping with both of mine day naps they never sleeped in their cot till 10-11 months they would be in a rocker pram were ever I was and I always let them sleep when they wanted and needed half the time I'd be chatting to them and I'd look over and they have fallen asleep I'd still get house work cooking done cos I'd take em were ever I went in the house and if I was cleaning their room I'd put em in their cot and some times they feel asleep and even then I have held them in my arms many times and fallen asleep

Babies love to see touch be close to their mum we are their security And comfort
Have not had any sleeping problem with both

I believe it's normal as babies get older to not always want to nap And to protest about it
Why would you their is so much to see do and all very new to bubs