This is probably going to sound like a massive insensitive whinge, but I have to put it out there and hope for some wise words that will help the situation.
I have a 3 1/2 boy, and almost 2 year old boy and am due to have another any day now. As ridiculous and irrelevant as this may sound - I feel like I have bitten off more than I can chew and honestly do not know how I am going to cope when this baby finally gets here.
My partner works away 4 nights a week and we have moved to an area where I have no family support.
I am slowly getting involved in community things but it is incredibly difficult when as soon as you unstrap the kids they run in opposite directions and do not seem to hear a word I say!
I do realise that these were our choices to make, and I am an adult responsible for my own decisions but I really do need some strategies to make these days easier.
Ideas to keep the older boys occupied while I'm with the baby, and suggestions to keep my own temper under control while running on minimum sleep (I don't drink caffeine but am open to any herbal remedies that have been shown to work).
Please help!!

Hi,

Firstly, you are going to be great I'm sure! It does sound daunting but Mums are amazing creatures that seem to just be able to get through tough times and get on with it, even when the going gets rough.

I'm not an expert on having more than one child but thought I'd reply since no-one else had, and just give you some ideas from a teaching perspective that might give you something to work with?

At 3 1/2 your eldest boy understands mostly right from wrong and although may be going through a phase where he seems to be all full of energy and mischief, he might respond well to some positive reinforcement like a reward chart? There's lots of ways to do it but I guess the easiest is a sticker chart. You could think of some really basic things you would like him to do when the new baby comes -eg Quiet voice and play time, Help Mum (You could get him to collect things for you (eg baby wipes)) which will make him feel responsible and grown up big brother!?), TV watching with little brother... I don't really know what stuff he's into buit if you come up with a few things, put them on a chart with a visual (eg picture of TV, Picture of a puzzle, picture of Mum) and explain that when you ask him to do one of these things he will get a sticker on his chart if he does a good job. You can give him an extra reward when he collects 10 stickers.
For the younger boy, he may want a sticker chart too although might not understand as well. Hopefully though, if big brother is occupied and behaving then little brother may follw suit.

Trying to have some sort of routine for your 2 boys may also help them to know when things are happening in the day and when they need to have quiet time, outside time, naps etc. This may be very hard with new baby though!

Call your local community health centre too. They might have some ideas of Mums Group, playgroups, day care that might help to get out and keep the boys occupied at regular times in the week.

Goodluck with everything. Sorry if I can't fully comprehend your situation but try and keep positive and feel proud of being a wonderful Mum.
It's a difficult, thankless job but the cuddles and love you will get from your kids for years to come will make it all worthwhile.

You are doin a great job as a mum so please don't doubt your abilities smile I have 4 children my eldest dd is just about 8, my twin dd's are 6 and my ds is 1. I recommend that you have a loose routine of day to day things for example meals at the same time etc. Organize to go out on certain days for play in the park, playgroups or shopping. You may need to set incentives for your two sons for good behaviour it can be something little or you could set up a sticker chart in which they know after a certain amount it will mean a new toy or book. Even your younger boy being 2 will start to understand the concept of good behaviour = reward!!!
When your new bundle of joy arrrives get your 2 boys to help by getting things for bub. When bub sleeps spend time just playing with your boys as they'll really appreciate it. When it comes to doing the housework you can make tidying the lounge a game and they will love helping.
When your dh is home to mind the kids if you can make up freezer meals it will certainly help when you are tired from being out shopping.

It will get easier when your new bub gets in a routine. Try not to stress about cleaning etc just enjoy your family. Big hugs to you xx

I have a 3 1/2 yr old and a now 9 wk old. I found when I sat down to feed DS or try to get him to sleep DD would start with "I'm huuungry". Not sure if your kids will be up for it but we went shopping for a lunch box (make sure they can open it themselves!) and now we pack a lunch for her. I put stuff in there I am happy for her to have and she can get it out any time she likes. I just don't have any control over what she eats when so sometimes I only put a treat in there later when she has had most of the good stuff!
I also find that DD copes better on the days we get out of the house. Maybe see if there are some groups in your area (we go to tiny tots at the pcyc) or it sounds like a fenced park would be ideal. Then I pop bub in a sling and he is out of the way and I can still push the swings or things.
I'm sure you will find ways of doing things that work for your family!

wowo that is all great advice
I dont have toddlers but I know how full on they are
any chance your family could come stay with you for a while
or you stay with them for a few weeks
or move back home for a few years

just ideas
goodluck

wowo that is all great advice
I dont have toddlers but I know how full on they are
any chance your family could come stay with you for a while
or you stay with them for a few weeks
or move back home for a few years

just ideas
goodluck

wowo that is all great advice
I dont have toddlers but I know how full on they are
any chance your family could come stay with you for a while
or you stay with them for a few weeks
or move back home for a few years

just ideas
goodluck

I have a 3 1/2 yr old and a now 9 wk old. I found when I sat down to feed DS or try to get him to sleep DD would start with "I'm huuungry". Not sure if your kids will be up for it but we went shopping for a lunch box (make sure they can open it themselves!) and now we pack a lunch for her. I put stuff in there I am happy for her to have and she can get it out any time she likes. I just don't have any control over what she eats when so sometimes I only put a treat in there later when she has had most of the good stuff!
I also find that DD copes better on the days we get out of the house. Maybe see if there are some groups in your area (we go to tiny tots at the pcyc) or it sounds like a fenced park would be ideal. Then I pop bub in a sling and he is out of the way and I can still push the swings or things.
I'm sure you will find ways of doing things that work for your family!

The lunch box idea is a good one and also get one for yourself and pack it each day and a drink bottle so then you know that you have something to grab at any time.

Make some meals that you can put in the freezer- even frozen mince with veges or tomato sauce in a bag is good because then all you have to do is cook pasta. I would cook double meals on my good days and put them in the freezer to replenish my supply.

You will find that a 3rd baby will slot into the household. Wash the baby with the other kids and then wrap baby in a towel and put on the ground in a safe place or bouncer while you finish washing the others.

You can prepare brekkie at night for the kids eg put the cereal in a bowl and cover ready to just put milk in them you have 1 minute spare to feed the baby at the same time. You can pack the lunches then too.

I also think though it is hard to get out if you can even walk to the park during the morning sleep-time so the other children get to burn off some energy. that way you can come home have lunch, put the 2yr old to bed for a sleep, chuck a DVD on for the 31/2 yr old and get comfy and feed bub. You may even get a bit of time to breathe if you are lucky.

Invest in a good baby sling so that you can wear your baby while you are doing the things that you need to do for the day. Include the kids in the baby play time and encourage them to interact... but use prompts like, ' I'm going to put .... on the ground for a play now are you going to join in? Where are you going to sit? What toys shall we get? Remember to be very gentle, thats great boys 'etc

Good luck you will find a rhythm that suits your family, you will be great smile

This is rarther an old fashioned idea but one I used when my kids were little.

Reins.

These can be used for active kids when getting them into and out of places. i.e put the reins on the two year old when getting out of the car and take them off when you are inside a building or secure play area.

People used to comment but it meant my wanderer was safe.
As my children grew up they had learned to stay where they were supposed to be. You could also teach them to hold onto the pram and when they can consistantly do this you can dispense with using the reins.

Another one we have some blocks that only come out when the kids have been good and must always to put away afterwards. A simple non food treat that still works now they are older.

Other toys were available at all times including ones very similar to the special set, but they always want the ones
they get for being good.

Thank you so much everyone. I really love forums sometimes!! I feel so supported.
I am still waiting for the baby so I can't really comment on whether anything has been successful yet but I do feel more confident that it will all work out. I have also found selfhelpformums.com.au and the happy mum handbook and it has some really good ways of changing negative thought patterns which I seem to have developed since becoming a mum.
I will just have to take some deep breaths and ride out the tough times I think!!

Thank you so much everyone. I really love forums sometimes!! I feel so supported.
I am still waiting for the baby so I can't really comment on whether anything has been successful yet but I do feel more confident that it will all work out. I have also found selfhelpformums.com.au and the happy mum handbook and it has some really good ways of changing negative thought patterns which I seem to have developed since becoming a mum.
I will just have to take some deep breaths and ride out the tough times I think!!