What is Contolled crying?

Hiya. Have a look at this link. It will tell you all about it.

It is quite controversial these days. I have always thought it was cruel but after 6 months of having a bub who waked regularly through the night (every 2 hours some nights, even after 12 months), I tried it out of absolute desperation as nothing else had worked. It has been nearly a week and DD is sleeping much better and even slept through the night once this week. I'm not raving about it but ... <span class="emoticon grin">grin</span>

It's leaving a baby to cry themselves to sleep. Some methods suggest going back to them at set intervals or suggest limits on how long to let them go on crying for, but essentially you leave them to go to sleep on their own. I've noticed that some "trainers" and sleep schools are calling it by a different name now (controlled comforting, controlled settling and others), but really it's all the same thing.
The Con of Controlled Crying

obviously it's ok for some and not for others but Ruby Gloom don't dis it yet. I assume by your signature that you don't have a child yet and I hope for your sake you get one that does sleep but desperate times sometimes call for desperate measures. in the 60's and 70's I believe it literally was leave them to cry till they drop which I agree is cruel but there are plenty of comforting ways to use crying to sleep where the child is very much supported just not held or rocked which is ultimately what many cry for. Dr Christopher Greene has a reasonable technique for a slightly older child and if you teach your baby to sleep independently from as early on as poss you can avoid the crying all together. many techniques leave babies crying for no longer than 3 mins without a parental touch and if done with confidence these techniques can have alarmingly good results in one night. not good for all people but good for those who need some help. It's easy to alarm new mums who haven't slept in a year with links like those from pinky mckay leaving them feeling like they are a negligent parent if they consider it. personally i think every one should investigate the options and decide for themselves. mum's have it hard enough.

obviously it's ok for some and not for others but Ruby Gloom don't dis it yet. I assume by your signature that you don't have a child yet and I hope for your sake you get one that does sleep but desperate times sometimes call for desperate measures. in the 60's and 70's I believe it literally was leave them to cry till they drop which I agree is cruel but there are plenty of comforting ways to use crying to sleep where the child is very much supported just not held or rocked which is ultimately what many cry for. Dr Christopher Greene has a reasonable technique for a slightly older child and if you teach your baby to sleep independently from as early on as poss you can avoid the crying all together. many techniques leave babies crying for no longer than 3 mins without a parental touch and if done with confidence these techniques can have alarmingly good results in one night. not good for all people but good for those who need some help. It's easy to alarm new mums who haven't slept in a year with links like those from pinky mckay leaving them feeling like they are a negligent parent if they consider it. personally i think every one should investigate the options and decide for themselves. mum's have it hard enough.

I think this is her 4th baby. blink

oh ok...I stand corrected. I still stand by the general gist of my post though.

oh ok...I stand corrected. I still stand by the general gist of my post though.

Sorry If that came across smart but I also agree with your post, sometimes the only option is CC. smile

Sorry If that came across smart but I also agree with your post, sometimes the only option is CC. smile

I think there's a difference between not knowing what else to do and literally having no options. IMO it should never be an option to leave a child to cry un-comforted for any length of time. I have no doubt at all that it works (I have family members that swear by it) and I know what having no sleep can do to us and our decision making processes. I think it's sad that cc is pushed as the only option and all the other methods are said to create a clingy, needy child who won't sleep independently or without sleep associations. I don't know, but to me that's babies and children and when you have them that's what you're signing up for.
(hope my sentence structure isn't too confusing, I'm working on 5hours of broken sleep wink )
And yes, KC - this is my 4th babe smile

If you girls had my baby to deal with you would have done the controlled crying....... mine woke every 30 minutes, and I created the bad habit early on of rocking and bfing her to sleep and I couldnt break the habit. She would settle no other way and believe me..... I tried everything! Every time we started rocking, i'd be there for 2 hours. She would have had me sit there all night like that.She was 13 months old when in desperation I finally got brave enough to do it. And to my surprise it worked really quickly! The first night it took an hour, second night 30 mins, 3rd night 15 mins and from then on she has slept through the night! For me it saved my sanity. I hated listening to her cry but it was very necessary.

This is a really controversial topic to discuss and I don't usually like to reply to these topics as I don't like being judged for my views (yes, I'm a softie!!), but I thought I'd say a few things about this one. Please know that I'm not having a go at anyone, just stating my case. grin

I was in exactly the same situation Chalys apart from the 30 minute waking (mine was every 2 hours, don't know how you did it Chalys). gasp I had always thought the same as RubyGloom about controlled crying, which is why I haven't tried it before now. I didn't like what I had to do but DD didn't cry all that much so it wasn't as awful as I thought it would be (of course, that's not the case for everyone). It helped me and DD "break" the habit of breastfeeding back to sleep. We were in a chicken and the egg (and Groundhog Day LOL!!) scenario - the more she woke, the more I fed and vice versa. My DD is nearly 13 months and I just had to do something as I was a total wreck. I was not coping at work or in life in general, I'd cry at the drop of a hat even at work, and it was really affecting my relationship with DH.

I signed up for having a baby and all that comes with it and I won't ever shy away from my responsibilities, but looking after my DD is my biggest responsibility and I just couldn't do that properly when I was in the state I was in. Things like driving became dangerous when I was so sleep deprived I couldn't think straight or concentrate for longer than 10 seconds. IMO if I'm a mental and physical wreck (which I was) then I'm not going to be a good mumma for my DD.

I am not advocating controlled crying or wanting to push it on anyone. You have to be comfortable with the actions you take. Like the PP said, it's about investigating options and deciding what you are comfortable with. I tried a few different "no cry" methods but they just didn't work for us.

I'm not sure whether the OP just wanted a bit of information about CC or whether you wanted to know whether it was something you might try. At least you have a few different opinions about the method! smile

I didn't cope with it.... I was suicidal! Lol sleep deprivation is torturous. If I started on that side of the story it'd take you a week to read it. I say hats off to all mums. None of us have been in each others shoes and experienced the desperation some have had over different things so none of us should be judging smile

obviously it's ok for some and not for others but Ruby Gloom don't dis it yet. I assume by your signature that you don't have a child yet and I hope for your sake you get one that does sleep but desperate times sometimes call for desperate measures. in the 60's and 70's I believe it literally was leave them to cry till they drop which I agree is cruel but there are plenty of comforting ways to use crying to sleep where the child is very much supported just not held or rocked which is ultimately what many cry for. Dr Christopher Greene has a reasonable technique for a slightly older child and if you teach your baby to sleep independently from as early on as poss you can avoid the crying all together. many techniques leave babies crying for no longer than 3 mins without a parental touch and if done with confidence these techniques can have alarmingly good results in one night. not good for all people but good for those who need some help. It's easy to alarm new mums who haven't slept in a year with links like those from pinky mckay leaving them feeling like they are a negligent parent if they consider it. personally i think every one should investigate the options and decide for themselves. mum's have it hard enough.

Ruby has many children i agree with her post and never have left any off my kids to cry alone in their beds alone for me or their dad.

a slight grizzle which is different from crying although i pat my babies to sleep and rock in a pram or what ever helps them.

I've done both; We did CC with DS1 and I had a worse baby than Chalys in DS2 and we never contemplated CC with DS2 because of the traumatic effects it had on DS1. After 15 months, 2 of those months being what I could only describe as hell, he started sleeping again.

The thing I think the 'experts' keep harping on about, and that people expect is a quick fix; my kid doesn't sleep so if I leave them to cry for 3 days and/or nights then they won't anymore. Sounds great, except that your kid hasn't read the books and quite often it has to be repeated every time there is a change in routine like a new tooth or a holiday or you spend weeks on end listening to your baby crying wondering why the hell it's not working, which was our personal experience of CC. We've done that, it was traumatic for all involved and it was something I vowed never to do again. Yes getting up to them is hard and no it's not always what I want to do but if I have a bad dream in the middle of the night I expect DP to comfort me, or at least offer, and if I am thirsty or hungry I have been known to get up and do something about it yet babies are expected not to.

Do those no-cry methods work as quickly as the CC/CIO methods...probably not. Personally, I now choose them however because for me to do anything else is tantamount to breaking the vow I took when I choose to become a mother. If I could go back again I never would have agreed to leave DS1 to cry because we were told his waking was abnormal...it wasn't, and in comparison to DS2 at the same age, his sleeping was phenomenal.

What some other parent chooses to do is up to them, though personally I don't think comforting/helping a baby to sleep is a 'bad' habit that needs to be 'broken'.

I didn't cope with it.... I was suicidal! Lol sleep deprivation is torturous. If I started on that side of the story it'd take you a week to read it. I say hats off to all mums. None of us have been in each others shoes and experienced the desperation some have had over different things so none of us should be judging smile

Agree 100%, well said! smile

no one can say yes it works wondefully or no it should never be done.

you can't know if it will be good for your child unless you try it and what works for one child won't work for another.

it's really all about personal choice and doing what is best for you and your child.

we used it with DS but not fully crying it out, before we did it I was rocking him to sleep for every single nap it was breaking my back as every time I'd got to put him down in the cot he'd wake and it would start again. We found within a few days he was pretty much sleeping through.
now thats not to say if he woke we didn't just leave him, we still went and checked that everything was ok- offer drink, check nappy, see if it was wind, too hot/too cold and give a cuddle.
I also discovered during one of his day sleeps if he wakes up and he's not ready like at the end of a sleep cycle and a noise would wake him, he would scream (I would too if I got woken and didn't want to be) so we would cuddle then do controlled crying.
What I guess I'm trying to get across is not everyone who does it leaves their child to fend for themselves when the wake in the middle of the night, some still try to fix what's wrong.
I never expected DS to be sleeping through the night but I knew at 6months he still shouldn't be waking every 2 hours as he really needed his rest. once or twice a night was fine.
sorry kinda went off on a tangent there tongue

I think everyone has done a little CC without even realising it!

To the OP, there are several methods for CC, here is a link to one version of CC.

http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/controlled_comforting.html


I think many of us have unintentionally left their child to cry at some point; driving a car and unable to pull over; sitting on the toilet; in the middle of a shower with your hair sudsy...etc

On the other hand....My midwife told me that if things got to much, to stop and have a shower! This could be interpreted as CC.....??

No matter your choice or method of settling your child, it is your decision and you know your child to determine which method suits your child.

hi - havn't read ALL the posts but just thought i'd share our experiences.

I'd been recomended a book called 'baby wise' which from what i can gather is very similar to the 'Save our sleep' and controlled crying things that i've heard about on huggies. I kinda tried that method for about a month and realised that DS just did not work like that. He didn't need as much sleep, his "routine" was NOT as strict, and the book just made me stress.

So i totally rejected the book, chilled out about it all and did what i thought was best for him! Having said that i tried all sorts of settling things - music/wrapping/rocking/cuddling/feeding to sleep and seriously i could be holding him and rocking him for hours and he would just cry and cry! If i put him in his cot or bouncer (during the day) and covered him he would cry for about 5-10 mins and go to sleep and be fine.

I guess we did then, use a form of controlled crying for DS. He did cry going to sleep- he ALWAYS did - if i tried rocking him etc it would just drag on...

DD, i used to rock, cuddle and sing to sleep all the time and that worked well with her. smile

I guess my point is that whichever "method" you use, you do it because that is best for your child. AND every child is different. smile

I think parenting is so personal. I feel it's an 'each to Their own' method... I had trouble with bub sleeping
And went and saw a midwife of 20 years experience.
She begged me to read this before taking such measures as a few people around me told me to do it.
I read the study and chose it wasnt for me and not worth the risk. We tried a less harsher method
And now he sleeps through the night. I personally think a baby is scared
And new in this world and there is no such thing as "to much comfort" obviously that is a personal choice as well.
But for people interested in reading the mental health study here is the link
http://www.aaimhi.org/inewsfiles/controlled_crying.pdf

Hope all you new mummies are getting some sleep!!!

I agree that what works for one is different for another. My bub started waking every 90 minutes and it took me 30 mins to feed him back to sleep each time. I got severely sleep deprived to the point where safety was an issue. I tried cosleeping for 3 months but he woke even more frequently with any slight move I made or cough etc and would cry until fed back to sleep. Eventually he was feeding almost continuously through the night and then refusing to feed during the day and I was even more tired.

I tried settling him in my arms, in the cot by patting or just sitting next to him. He would just cry and cry, working himself up so much. This could go on for hours. Eventually at 7 months I decided that cc was the only other option.

It took three nights of some crying but not as much crying as when I was trying to settle him in the room with him and not the same stressed type crying. He has slept well ever since and was much more settled during the day too.

I agree that cc is a last resort but I also can’t believe how much crying I made him go through by being too hands on with his settling which just overstimulated him rather than just giving him some space to actually go to sleep. If I hadn’t felt so guilty after reading everyone’s opinions on how bad cc is and just did what worked for my bub then things wouldn’t have become so bad.

We gave controlled crying a go because DD just wouldn't sleep for more than 2 hours in a row at night from 6 to 12 months. We were at wits end and really close to falling apart.
Sometimes it would work and after 20 to 40 minutes she would be asleep, and sleep longer after all the crying than before. It was really hard to lie in bed listening to it and even the dogs got upset.
Sometimes DD would get so agitated we had to go and sooth her because she would sit up and start thrashing about in tears, sometimes we'd hear her knock the cot with her head.
that sounds really bad - it didn't happen more than twice but it really had an efect on us. But it was also the reason we were pretty inconsistent with it, some nights we just couldn't hack it.
Finally something gave and whether it was blind luck, teething gels, panadol, humidifyer, controlled crying or just the moons magnetic pull, DD now sleeps from 830 to 7 most nights.
Though not tonight, now I have written that!
Long story short - it works for some, not for all.

I used CC with my DD from the time she was 4 months old. I know that the "recommended" age to start is 6 months, but my DH and I decided to start at 4 months. Before that my DD had colic and reflux and had to be rocked/soothed to sleep. With my DD the first night she grizzled so 15 mins, second night 5 mins, third night she was lucky to have 3 cries! And she has been great at putting herself to sleep ever since. Now at 15 months, she starts to push you away when you're holding her near her cot because she's ready for sleep. She won't be rocked or soothed to sleep now.

CC works for some and not for others. Some have had bad experiences with it and some swear by it. No need to judge each other on our choices smile

I agree that cc is a last resort but I also can’t believe how much crying I made him go through by being too hands on with his settling which just overstimulated him rather than just giving him some space to actually go to sleep. If I hadn’t felt so guilty after reading everyone’s opinions on how bad cc is and just did what worked for my bub then things wouldn’t have become so bad.

I think that's the thing too is that mothers are pretty much made to feel guilty no matter what they do- leave them to cry and they'll get abandonment issues, co sleep etc and they'll be clingy children.
I think its so hard with so many mixed messages and studies almost for every study for something you'll find one against just to confuse you even more.
For most CC is a last resort thing(as no one wants to hear their baby crying), majority of posts I have read don't go "oh my baby is 6 weeks and not sleeping through I'll just let them cry", usually mothers have tried numerous other options before they get to that point.
It works for some, not for others, same with anything in parenting alot of it is trial and error as every single baby is different.

I read an amazing book called sleepsense, she is a sleep consultant for babies and explains how your baby needs to "learn" to sleep on their own ie without props of which are dummies, bottles, nurseing, rocking etc. The reason the baby is waking up is because they dont know how to get back to sleep without you doing all the things to them... so in order for them to learn they need to cry. You dont abandon them you just put them down AWAKE and when they cry pick them up cuddle them DONT LET THEM FALL BK TO SLEEP put them back down AWAKE and keep doing this it can take upto hours depending on how stuborn your baby is but after 2 nights of the same routine and doing this my 6wk old slept 10hrs a night an I live by it. Its an online book, great read.

Ive used controlled crying. Nothing wrong with it.

Its up to the individual what they think is best for their child.

I tried absolutely eveything i could think of with my daughter. and Because i leave her and she go back to sleep. She hardly wakes up during the night now or if she did she'd actually have a play in there and she'd go back to sleep on her own.

I think half the problem is that people have unrealistic expectations of parenthood. If a baby is waking at night, especially during their first 12 months - it is normal!! I also don't subscribe to the theory in this instance that "every baby is different" What does that mean exactly? That some babies deserve parental comfort and others don't? That's a ridiculous suggestion! Obviously some babies have specific issues that are causing them to wake or causing more regular waking, but I don't see how cc is the answer to those kind of problems.

I think half the problem is that people have unrealistic expectations of parenthood. If a baby is waking at night, especially during their first 12 months - it is normal!! I also don't subscribe to the theory in this instance that "every baby is different" What does that mean exactly? That some babies deserve parental comfort and others don't? That's a ridiculous suggestion! Obviously some babies have specific issues that are causing them to wake or causing more regular waking, but I don't see how cc is the answer to those kind of problems.

Not everyone does it at night! I figured at night there was a reason for the waking that needed to be met and bubs would sleep through when ready to do so. I only did it during the day...

However I can understand those who have children crying in the middle of the night for hours with no specific reason for months not just a couple of days in a row, when all needs have been met and parents have siginifcant sleep deprivation.

I wish all those parents with sleep deprivation all the best! I would suggest they consider getting a doula/midwife to come to their home(apparently they will come say at midnight until 6am) to help out and look after bubs to give you a chance to sleep...at a cost.Might be worth looking into?

I think half the problem is that people have unrealistic expectations of parenthood. If a baby is waking at night, especially during their first 12 months - it is normal!! I also don't subscribe to the theory in this instance that "every baby is different" What does that mean exactly? That some babies deserve parental comfort and others don't? That's a ridiculous suggestion! Obviously some babies have specific issues that are causing them to wake or causing more regular waking, but I don't see how cc is the answer to those kind of problems.

I don't generally like the idea of CC, and i don't know if i fully understand the "method" of cc fully - i never had problems with my kids waking up in the night - we always went to them if they woke up crying but i do know that my DS has always had more trouble going to sleep in the first place (which i explained in a pp).

I don't really think you're being very realistic in your assumtions that people who use "controlled crying" are nescessarily withholding comfort from their children or that they are doing it because they as parents can't handle the responsibility of parenthood.

I have seen lots of parents who use some form of CC and i have seen it done in a way which i think is just wrong, unloving and illogical. I def DON'T like the books on CC - mainly because i disagree with you and do believe that babies are different - to apply those techniques to every child for no reason is (IMO) illogical.

My Husband can't sleep with any noise/music/light or activity going on around him- i tend to be similar. My sibblings on the other hand can sleep anywhere at anytime. My DD can sleep anywhere, anytime and will even fall asleep in the middle of dinner smile when she was a baby - i often enjoyed rocking her to sleep. DS is the same as DH- and so we always tried to provide him with the environment in which HE was best able to sleep. THAT is the principle i use when it comes to babies and sleeping. smile

I think half the problem is that people have unrealistic expectations of parenthood. If a baby is waking at night, especially during their first 12 months - it is normal!! I also don't subscribe to the theory in this instance that "every baby is different" What does that mean exactly? That some babies deserve parental comfort and others don't? That's a ridiculous suggestion! Obviously some babies have specific issues that are causing them to wake or causing more regular waking, but I don't see how cc is the answer to those kind of problems.

Yes is is normal for babies to wake during the night its NOT normal for them to wake every 2 hrs or more though. Yes it is fine to pat rock feed to sleep but NOT if its not working for your family. babies NEED sleep. They NEED unbroken sleep to function, develop, grow. SOME babies need to be taught how to sleep. Just like some babies need to be taught how to breastfeed, toilet train etc etc etc. I was against CC when i had my DD1. after 10 months of 2 hrly waking we both needed help. Sleep school taught me to read her cues, to help her self settle to teach her to sleep on her own. I was still happy to feed her overnight but just not 2 hrly. When i look back on baby photos she looked so sick, so tired and i feel really bad that we did not go to sleep school sooner. Just because we did CC does not mean she is not loved, not comforted and not attended to. Ruby Gloom get off your freakin high horse, choosing a different parenting path to yours does not make us bad parents nor does it make your way better than ours. If you choose to wake 5 times during the night good for you but some of us need sleep to function and make us the best parents for our kids

I don't really think you're being very realistic in your assumtions that people who use "controlled crying" are nescessarily withholding comfort from their children or that they are doing it because they as parents can't handle the responsibility of parenthood.

If you don't go to your child because they have only been crying for 3mins and the "program" says not to go to them until they reach 5mins, how is that not withholding comfort? Or only responding when their crying reaches a certain pitch that someone else deems worthy of response?

Ruby Gloom get off your freakin high horse, choosing a different parenting path to yours does not make us bad parents nor does it make your way better than ours.

No where did I say anything about anyone being a "bad parent" I don't agree with cc, nor many of the reasons people give for doing it and that was the opinion I expressed in my post, I was not casting judgement on anyone.