Hi,

I am a single mum to a 6 month old girl. It seems someone always has a problem with what u do...

I was talking to my aunt yesterday and she had huge problems with the fact that I co-sleep with Kyla and also that I take her for showers with me. I felt like such a bad mum. I try not to tell people that we co-sleep because of their reactions. As my partner died when I was pregnant and I have just started to go and see a counsellor she told me that I should tell him about the co-sleeping because there must be some reason for me doing it. I enjoy the closeness with her and i think she is much more content since we have been doing it. My aunty seems to think that when I meet someone say in six months time that she will get in the way..Firstly, I am still grieving for my partner AND I know I am not going to meet anyone because my mum was a single mum who had bad relationships and its not something I want to put myself in for ages and I have so much work to do on myself first..

Anyway, she was saying that by taking her 4 showers with me that as she grows up she will always want to have a shower with me and will never have a bath by herself and chuck tantrums. I do take her baths as well and every now and then i put her in the big bath without me. Has this happened to anyone?

Just wondering if you could tell me your experiences as they get older with co-cleeping/taking them for showers with you.

Personally, I don't do either of those things but that's just me. I think you should continue with what you feel comfortable with and what makes you happy as long as it does not endager your child. As long as you are aware of the risks with co-sleeping and are comfortable, good on ya! I have heard it can be a bit of a problem if it continues too long. As for the showering... what about all the kids who only have baths for ages? Do people have a problem with getting them in showers? As long as she gets used to both and doesn't have you with her ALL the time I don't see a problem myself. She may chuck tantrums but todlers chuck tantrums over just about anything sometimes so you're bound to come across that anyway smile

Don't let other peoples oppinions get in the way of your parenting. Who knows what's right and what's wrong these days? It all depends on the kid and the parent. I think your Aunt should butt out! Especially given the circumstances. I think you are very strong, I don't know if I would cope very well in the same situation.


It's always best to just smile and nod when people try to give you advice. You can either take it on board or ignore it completely.

I do know what you mean about the "not saying anything" bit. I'm a routine feeder (where possible) and that's not the done thing these days ( demand feed is IN) so I don't bother mentioning it to CHN's or anyone cos you'll always get looks and they'll try to talk you out of it.

My hat goes off to you m'dear. It sounds like you are doing a pretty good job to me. grin

Hi
Firstly i would like to say sorry for the loss of your partner I can not imagine how hard that would be for you.
I always have a shower or bath with my DD & always have,she also has baths alone & it does not bother her.
I would like to say you are doing a fantastic job & dont let anyone tell you otherwise.
After all you have been through you deserve the closeness of your beautiful new daughter & if that involves sleeping with her than so be it,you both enjoy it & it's a nice comfort for you both to enjoy.
Please just continue raising your DD the way you feel you should & be proud of yourself for being as strong as you are.
The world is full of people telling you not to raise your child the way you are but if she is healthy & happy than you are doing a great job.
Good luck with everything & take care of yourself
Nikki

Hello.
Please first accept my sympathies for your loss.

I dont co-sleep as my baby wont settle with us in the bed, but my friend still does with her 6 month old & it is still going well for her. I did know a couple though that had a 4 year old still sleeping with them & found it hard to make a sibling. and you should tell your aunt that IF you do meet someone your daughter is the most important thing in your life & if someone thought she would get in the way then they obviously arent worth being with.
I regularly shower & bath with my 6 month old son. he also has regular baths on his own. i also take him in the pool. i think it is important at this age that you go in with her to make her feel confident in those situations. it is not a BAD thing and i think that your aunt needs something more to do with her time than criticise you.
You are doing a great job i am sure and i think all mums find somebody always disagrees with something you do. i know even i disagree with somethings my own sister does, but i accept it as her way & i have mine.
I hope though there is someone out there who is giving you encouragement & telling you what a great job you are doing.
Fi

Am so sorry to hear of the loss of your partner, all my sympathy is with you.
I don't co-sleep, but have always said if i was a single parent i would, it's just nice to be in bed with someone else. So what if you 'may' meet someone else one day-no point living by what-ifs, just do what feels right now.
With the showering i don't understand the big deal, my oldest was always bathed by herself and then when we tried showering her she was scared and hated it, took her a few months to start enjoying it. I now have no hope of showering by myself, she loves it, but i don't care, it's easier to wash her and her sisters if they're with me, and it means i get to shower during the day. She is still quite happy to have a bath without me too.
In the end you're the mum, sure listen to advice but if it doesn't seem right for you you don't have to do it, just forget it. Every parent and baby is different, so what your aunt was happy with may not suit you.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. i could never imagine myself without my partner.

I'm not going to go to into detail as I don't co-sleep but I did have my son circumcised and I'm like you in not wanting to tell people as I just don't want to hear all the negative thoughts and get the looks. As far as I'm concerned with what other people think....stuff 'em!! If it feels right to you and, and you and bub are happy and healthy then it must be right for you both. I'm a big believer in going with your gut and what feels right. You're her mum and you would never knowingly put your little one in any danger. People are to quick to judge without know the full details or finding out different ways things can be done. Some people are just stuck in the stone ages too and don't care about new or different ways of doing stuff with bubs coz "it worked for me" attitude. Every bub AND mum are different and I just wish people would stop trying to make like they're all the same. If they were then we would have no need for sites like this and there would only be ONE baby "manual" on the market. I know personal I don't agree with some of the info put out there by so called 'experts' but I always try and find out as much info on what ever it is so I can make the best choice in my heart for me and my little man which I'm sure you have done also.
One thing I would like to add but is don't close your heart off to soon. Grieve for your partner but don't ever rule out find someone else out there to share your life with and especially don't think your life will be like your mums. We all have our own path to lead so please don't narrow yours to much. You sound like a very strong woman who knows what she wants and I think putting yourself first for a little while and finding yourself again will do you the world of good but speaking from experience that's when the unexpected happens and someone else see what you're doing and likes what they see - lol!!
Sorry I have babbled a lot longer than I meant too, sorry. Good luck with everything you do and trust in yourself smile