Hello Everyone...

I really need some advice. Im a 23 y/o unemployed mother of 1 who lives with my inlaws and DH.. Ive been living here now for 4 months and since I have moved here I have noticed a MASSIVE difference in my son. They love to spoil him as its there first grandchild and as there are so many of them my wants with my son just get disregarded. I get so frustrated and I have put my foot down many times regarding so many different situations...but I dont really get anywhere..

Anyway.. I have decided for my sons sake to put him into daycare twice a week. Im not working so I feel very guilty about it.. I really do think though that it will benefit him. My nephew attends the same day care so I know the staff pretty well...

Am I doing the right thing? He will be starting next monday. My inlaws arnt impressed at all with DH and I decision to put him into day care as you could imagine. I feel as though they look at me like Im a terrible mother who needs guidance with everything I do with him. It makes me want to put him in day care more just because they dont want me too!

DH and I are trying to organise our own place as its not working for me here at all..

Does anyone have any kids around that age group in day care?? And if so did it benefit them in anyway???

My DD was in daycare from 10 months when I returned to work. Yes, I believe that there is a positive side to it - she gets a lot of experiences that she wouldn't get otherwise, and she learns to deal with a lot of different people. She's now 2 years 4 months and knows the alphabet, can count to 10, can sing probably 10 songs all the way through, etc, and this is all stuff that she wouldn't have learned at home because I wouldn't have taught her. She absolutely loves drawing and painting, but she doesn't get to do much at home because we have to limit the mess.

That said, if I hadn't been working I'm not sure that I would have chosen to put DD in daycare. I wouldn't have been able to afford it, for one thing. But also, having said that it benefitted DD, I'm sure there are things that stay-at-home parents can do which provide the same benefits, provided they put the effort in. 12 months is still too young to benefit from the social interation side of things - they need to be 2 or even 3 before this benefits them.

I live with my mother and she too really spoils DD, and overrides things that I say or do. The problems is, there is a limit to how much you can say when you're in someone else's house. But you do have to say something. If a child who is visiting their grandparents is spoilt by them, then big deal, it's not going to hurt occasionally. But a child who lives with their grandparents can't be spoilt 24/7 because it then becomes the norm and does major damage.

So you definitely need to speak up about how they treat your son. My advice is, choose your time to speak carefully. Don't say it in front of your son if possible. If there has been a particularly bad incident, wait until it has blown over before you speak - you don't want to say anything in the heat of the moment as you might say something you will regret, and anyway, your in-laws will think you are talking about that particular situation and will not get that you mean that their behaviour is a problem all the time.

Don't be afraid to clearly outline what rules you would like to have followed in relation to your son. If you haven't done this, then you can't really complain that they're not following them! If you have, then hopefully a gentle reminder should be all that is necessary to get them back on track.

DD started at family daycare at 13 months and it took her a little while to get used to it but after a few weeks she LOVED it!!

As I'm a teacher I get a few holidays, so I thought I'd keep her home with me instead of going to daycare- well, at normal daycare time she was at the front door banging and saying "I wanna go to Ana's!!".

Hope your boy gets a lot of enjoyment out of it and you could either use the time to enjoy a hobby of your own or look for work if that's what you want smile

My dd has been in daycare for 2 days a week since around 8 months, she is now 19 months. I believe she has benefited from this alot as she has made friends and knows how to socialize with other kids and her carers. She has also learnt alot being there and picked up so much so quickly as most of the kids in her room when she started were older than her. I'm sure your boy will love it and benefit from it. You are definately not a bad mother for giving your son this opportunity. I know Someone that has 2 kids is a sahm and thinks I am lazy coz I send my dd to daycare and dh's grandmother looks down on me coz I do it too, it's ppl like this I choose to ignore, you should do the same and do what you are doing now, what is best for u and your son smile goodluck smile

both my boys are in daycare, my oldest started at 11mths and he loved it! i was the wreck and my youngest just started daycare as i had to go back to work and he's just 6mths and he loves it too. It's great for them to learn the correct social behaviours as well as being away from you for longer periods, in no time at all they will be headed off to big school!! Plus daycare is great, especially if you know the teachers. good luck with your situation, hope you guys find your own place soon!

Yes, definitely to two things: 1. Daycare is very beneficial; 2. work on finding your own place soon!

My DD started daycare at 12mths and DS at 10mths. It taught them alot of independence, and taught them social skills like sharing and giving and to also stand up for themselves with other children. As long as they are happy in the daycentre you have chosen, and the carers are open and genuine, this is highly recommended if there are no other options available to you.

Do be aware that they tend to pick up a lot of colds, coughs and runny noses which your in-laws will no doubt blame you as 'you' are the one sending them to daycare. This unfortunately is part of the package of daycare, but it does build their immune and eventually gets less frequent tongue!!